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WhenI didn't find his joke funny and I told him that his "joke" made me feel uncomfortable. Could I have handled this better?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 April 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 April 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hi! I need quite some answers quick on this situation because it’s actually driving me nuts.

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 3 months and yesterday, we were talking and he was joking about something that I felt really uncomfortable about and I said "It wasn't funny" and he got upset i think because he didn’t want to talk to me much after.

And I explained that I felt that the joke was making me quite uncomfortable and unsettling. I ended up not being able to sleep last night because I was worried that he was mad at me.

When I tried talking to him today, he gave me short answers.

So I don't know what to do!

He's the guy who doesn't really say what’s on his mind and all. But so far our relationship has been quite smooth. We had fights before but everything's resolved. Please help!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2015):

My boyfriend used to be like that a few years ago when we were younger, it actually sounds just like us. .. and it would result in me being worried all night and finding it hard to sleep. It's actually very huffy, childish and immature. It's not really a big deal at all and you haven't done anything wrong.. We are only human and many of us have made much much bigger mistakes. Anyway I found that the best way to deal with this is to give him time to cool down then talk it over. Don't worry if you can help it... I'm sure he wouldn't let a relationship go after such a small issue, and if he does he is incredibly stubborn and childish.

Give him space and let him come to you :)

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A female reader, SeaGreen Canada +, writes (7 April 2015):

SeaGreen agony auntSounds like you are dating a child. Let him sulk and don't mention the joke. He'll get over it.

Also you had every right to tell him the joke wasn't funny. Some lines shouldn't be crossed and when they are people need to be told especially your loved ones.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 April 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think it's fair enough that you SPEAK up if you feel uncomfortable with something he says, whether it's a "joke" or not.

We ALL have out personal boundaries.

Let him pout and sulk a while. Maybe he needs to re-think whether the joke really WAS inappropriate to tell a GF. You need to NOT apologize or try and kiss bum. IF he gives short answers because he is miffed you didn't like his joke, then give him a little space.

My husband spend 26 years in the Army and would come home and tell really inappropriate jokes - and he HAD to learn that what the "guys" at work thought was OH SO FUNNY and what I (his wife) thought was funny could EASILY be two very different things.

Same goes for your BF.

Unless HE bring it up let it go. It was ONE bad joke.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 April 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think it's fair enough that you SPEAK up if you feel uncomfortable with something he says, whether it's a "joke" or not.

We ALL have out personal boundaries.

Let him pout and sulk a while. Maybe he needs to re-think whether the joke really WAS inappropriate to tell a GF. You need to NOT apologize or try and kiss bum. IF he gives short answers because he is miffed you didn't like his joke, then give him a little space.

My husband spend 26 years in the Army and would come home and tell really inappropriate jokes - and he HAD to learn that what the "guys" at work thought was OH SO FUNNY and what I (his wife) thought was funny could EASILY be two very different things.

Same goes for your BF.

Unless HE bring it up let it go. It was ONE bad joke.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015):

I don't think you did anything wrong. If you didn't like his joke , you didn't.It is that simple. He needn't be upset or sulk unless he was seeing himself as another Jimmy Tarbuck and you put an end to it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015):

I guess it all depends on what he said. You didn't share what he said that made you uncomfortable; so no one can really say that you might have been oversensitive.

Jokes are a form of self-expression. Tasteless or cruel jokes are sometimes a way of airing true opinions. It's becoming popular these days to say offensive and nasty things for a laugh. There have to be respectful boundaries. A joke is supposed to be funny. For those who don't think so, they might be picking up their teeth some day. Or worse.

Never be sorry for letting him know when he crosses the line with you. He's upset because you corrected him, and it bruised his ego. You don't have to think every joke he tells is funny. If it's not, it's not.

If a guy ever says anything that offends you, or makes you uncomfortable; you have every right to tell him so. Whether he likes it, or not. If it was okay, it wouldn't have bothered you. It must have been offensive. You are demanding respect for your feelings, that is being a strong person.

Let him pout about it. He's being a big baby. Standup for yourself; or he'll learn that all he has to do is stop talking to you, when he wants to hold mind-control over you.

You can't have a relationship that you will never make him angry, or he will not upset you. You communicated your feelings, and it's important to do that. Being able to communicate and share your feelings, keeps balance and fairness in your relationship. He'll know your boundaries and respect you for them. Be fair, and allow him that same kind of respect.

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