New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login224617 questions, 976292 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Whenever my boyfriend gets drunk or high he holds me down and forces me to have sex with him. Last night he choked me until I was unconscious... but I love him, it's not his fault.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 March 2007) 12 Answers - (Newest, 25 September 2010)
A female Canada age 22-25, *ocy17 writes:

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years and for the first 2 years things were going great but now he hits me whenever he gets drunk or high. Sometimes he even holds me down and forces me to have sex with him. I don't want to leave him because I really do love him and I know that it's his addiction that makes him violent. I'm getting really scared though. Last night we got into a fight and he choked me until I was unconcious.

I was really scared and I'm afraid that he might really hurt me even if he doesn't mean to. I can't tell my friends because their mostly guys and I'm afraid they might hurt him but I can't hide my bruises forever. I've already begged him to get sober but that just pisses him off and he hits me.

What should I do?

View related questions: drunk, violent

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010):

Well i have been in an abusive relationship for about 3 years and we have a 2 year old son together and i have a 6 year old from a previous relationship.And at first everything was like a dream..But then he began to choke me push me down..call me names to the point i didnt want to go outside or be around anyone but him. He has kicked in my door and went to jail..he fights in clubs he attacks me in front of people.he drives past my house alot..Last month i went and spent for a weekend with my best friend. That monday morning around 5;00a.m he came to my house and choked me attacked me he was so drunk and he told me that i had been out being a slut.I was crying and so scared and my kids saw that. He was in such a rage he threatened to kill me and then he told me that he loved me so much that he has to hit me. then he said he used to love me. He said he hated and that broke my heart. ive always been there for him and despite his flaws i still loved him for who he was. I decided to contact the authorities and he has to go to court this is his second cdv against me..he has to do jail time...plus attend anger management and alcohol treatment..I feel if you love yourself then you would take matters into your own hands and get some help before he ends up killing you. I feel if he really wants to be with me and my babies that he will seek this treatment if not then i will not be with him he has to change.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, babye2007 United States +, writes (10 March 2007):

Girlfriend, if a man puts his hands on you in an abusive way one time, just one time, LEAVE HIM!!!!!. An abusive man won't change because it's all about control and obviously he's controlling you big time. If you love yourself, then you'll get some backbone and walk away because the next time, he will kill you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007):

Girl, you are 17, and at that age it is really hard to accept that he is a bad or sick man who is never going to stop hitting you. But it is true.

When i was your age (and now i am 32), i had a boyfriend like that and i was SURE it is not his fault and that i loved him forever. My family were terrified of him and they cried for me to leave him, and i just kept on. On one of those evenings he raped me and i became pregnant. I call it rape because it was -- it is irrelevant whether he is your boyfriend or not! I woke up to reality then and i left him and got an abortion. I did have to go to another city then since i could not bear seeing him without getting really depressed, and he kept coming and aksing me to come back -- and i thought i still loved him. But i never forgave him and never got back with him. I am really happy i did that then -- it gave me self-confidence and respect that otherwise i would have lost more and more of.... remember -- with each of those evenings a part of you is gone and it is never coming back....and if it is not his fault, it is yours!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (6 March 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntHe must have knocked the sense out of you. "What should I do?" you ask? I'm sure you know EXACTLY what you should do.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007):

What do you mean, its not his fault?! Of course its his fault!!

He is violent, gets drunk, hits you when you ask him to get sober, forces you to have sex, whether you want to or not, and chokes you til you lose consciousness. You are in serious danger. Don't you realize he could kill you one of these days?

How can you possibly sit at your computer and tell us you love him?! What in the name of god is there to love about this horrible excuse for a human being?! As the other aunts and uncles have said, he neither respects nor loves you, and you need to leave, NOW. If you have nowhere else to go check out the closest women's shelter, and talk to the police.

Don't remain in this "relationship" for another thirty seconds!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007):

Everyone of the "Aunts" are making perfect sense!! Stay and the scenerio that plays out will not be a pretty one!! You are young and obviously have a big heart and alot to give; always remember there are "REAL" men out there that do not BEAT, RAPE and emotionally abouse their woman!! Please get out before it is to late!!! Try to do this when he is not around--I suggest getting your friends and the law enforcement to help--Please listen to what all the people here are saying!! And try to give us an update; I'll be thinking of you!!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, dollparts Canada +, writes (6 March 2007):

dollparts agony auntget rid of him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you dont need shit like that around you things will only get worse hell only get more violent and yeah like the guy at the bottem said bullshit! I know alot of people including some on drugs who have never done this to there girl friends

you bf sounds like a f****** moron and you should tell some one

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Cheese New Zealand +, writes (6 March 2007):

Cheese agony auntleave him if he dont clean up,

I was the kinda the same as him till i've recently given up drinking.

i know it'll be hard for the both of ya if ya have to split up but it will be the right thing to do.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007):

I agree with all the aunts here, you need to leave him as soon as tomorrow and don't let him know that you are going, just pack your stuff if you live with him and get out, call the police if you need protection, this guy is really sick, you cannot love this animal....you are an abused woman, and he must have beaten you down so much you have no self esteem left....get some counseling as suggested and get this scum out before he kills you!

You are in danger!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Ponungalungb United States +, writes (6 March 2007):

Ponungalungb agony auntNothing like justifying this jerk's behavior. Oh, he's drunk, he can't help himself. He choked me till I was unconscious but he didn't mean it. You need a reality check. There's a fine line between being choked to unconsciousness and being choked to death. If you want to tip-toe around this a-hole till he does kill you whether he's drunk or not, that's your call. But from an outsider's point of view, you need to lose this loser. . . before it is too late. Why don't you tell your friends what he does to you. I hope they kick his ass on his way out of your life.

Wise up.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007):

The love, respect, and trust is completely gone from this relationship.

This man does not even see you as an equal and therefore he honestly feels he deserves to ill treat you and his anger and agression is way past healthy-he is close to making a most greivious mistake in that he let his anger rule for so long that it is now a big part of who he is and how he acts, thinks, and feels.

With this anger and agression, he may even commit murder.

I say get out while you are still alive and get some counselling for yourself so you can figure out why you think a man choking, restraining, and raping a woman is acceptable.

Please Sweetie, please leave and heal and love yourself. Get some counselling ASAP, you'll need the support to stay strong and push this man out of your life and mind.

*hugs*

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007):

bullshit i am a male and no matter how drunk i got i never choked, forced, ar even thought of doing any of these violating actions to my ex- girlfriend. when he does this that is showing a side of him that may "if u stay with him or u actually talk to him about what he does" severly hurt you or kill you. you shouldnt have to put up with that. either tell him to give up the boose and weed, or your gone because i know many mean drunks and if u stay with him he will get more violent and beat u on a regular basis. and you dont want that for your future do you?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Whenever my boyfriend gets drunk or high he holds me down and forces me to have sex with him. Last night he choked me until I was unconscious... but I love him, it's not his fault."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.078125!