A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. We've always had a great relationship- going out together a lot, regular good sex etc. We even ended up going to the same University together, which although many people said was a bad idea, has turned out to be great for helping with home sickness and stuff like that. We have one huge constant row in our relationship though, him and his friends do a lot of drugs when they are together. They've been doing it since they was about age 14 and up to this day still do it on a regular basis. It used to be just some weed but its steadily got worse with them 'trying' different, worse drugs. I am totally anti-drugs (his friends hate me because of this and have told Chris many times to leave me because I can't accept the drugs) and when we first started dating he had given it up, so it wasn't a problem. He started to act suspicious after a few months of us going out and it came out that he had been lying and had still been doing the drugs. 3 or 4 times he has told me he has given it up- saying I am more important but every time it has turned out to be a lie. Now he is saying that he just doesn't care and he is going to do it whether I like it or not. I have tried to accept it but I can't as whenever we are home from University he spends all his time doing drugs with his friends and when he does- it makes him paranoid which he then takes out on me. I do love him and we have got ourselves a house together for next year, but whenever there is a choice between being with me and being with his friends to do drugs he always chooses them :/ I understand he has to spend time with his friends but the amount and what he is doing with them upsets me. I have found countless texts on his phone (I know its wrong to go through your partners phone) about other girls and also the amount of sex he wants to have when he goes to Amsterdam over the summer :/I really don't know what to do. Stick it out or should I just leave him? When we are together, he makes me so happy and I do love him so much, but I hate what he does when we aren't together. We've tried to compromise and he isn't willing to change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): F*** him and his friends. How dare they make fun of you for making your own decision, regardless if its counter to their own. Thats awfully immature and to top it off their actions are very irresponsible and run them great risks with the law, their health, and their overall own personal well being. Sure you see the good in him but this is awfully bad and enough to outweigh the good and call for an end to this seemingly toxic relationship. Good luck.
A
female
reader, madlib  +, writes (7 April 2011):
You are faced with one of two choices:a) accept him for being the social pothead that he is and not resent him for it...obviously he is semi addicted to the ritual of smoking with his friends as well as to how it makes him feel. He loves you because he has tried to quit and was afraid of losing you, but at the same time he was choosing between 2 different lifestyles and probably at some point thought that wasn't realistic or fair and so he went back to smoking. You need to except he is a pot head who smokes with his friends and probably won't change until he fills whatever void it is that he is filling with weed and his friends with something else.................orb) choose to be with a partner that doesn't smoke and doesn't fantasize about sleeping with other women when he is on vacation (honestly that is what you should be more concerned with!)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 " I really don't know what to do ". Untrue. You know it , but you don't want to do it. You are here on DC, I think, hoping that somebody will tell you : sure , stick it out, "love vincit omnia ", all he needs it's that you show him some TLC and he'll do a 180° and turn into a knight in shining armour.
Yeah right.
Your answer is in your question :
You hate what he does when you are not together. You have tried to compromise, but he is NOT willing to change .
Ergo ?..... What are you waiting for ?!
Maybe you think he'll just wake up one morning and say- what the heck, I am sick and tired of this lifestyle, I am gonna quit cold turkey and be a different person from now on.
Not totally impossible- but highly improbable. And anyway
it would make much more sense for you to take him back AFTER he's changed, than staying there enabling his addiction. Why do you want to start play Florence Nightingale at your age ? Find yourself a bf that does not need to be " fixed ", rather than seeking ways to fix the damaged one.
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