A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel that my relationship of just over a year is coming to an end.There have been a few occasions where I have considered ending the relationship because of the way I am treated, but then find myself running back to make things better even when it was not my fault.I have written previously, and there have been external factors with high stress levels that have contributed to this too.I found a picture of another guy on his phone (he says it was nothing) and I confronted him, I believe him and he feels now that there is no trust and thus has turned the cards around and says that when I point a finger at him there are 3pointing back at me! He thinks I am cheating or that I am hiding something of which I am not.(he says he has a gut feeling, but he is clearly wrong as I am not seeing anyone, nor hiding anything)I have just generally gotten tired of his bad attitude and of his negativity, and his short temper with me.We are not the same with eachother and things have changed drastically with us, and when we have a chat about us and what is happening I feel that when he says he cant anymore or that he doesnt know if this is what he wants anymore that if I agree to it and say yes we must break up, then it will happen and we go our separate ways, however I find myself when in that situation being the one saying we can worki things out and that we will get thru it.. then he seems to be ok.I really do love him, but I feel now that it is not enough, as honestly I do not feel that he respects me nor realizes how special our relationship (once was).My problem is that I do not know how to let go of him, and face being without him, and it hurts when I think if he even feels the same way that I do if we were to split up, as he says that he has become emotionless in the past month since things with us have gone bad and tired of everything, what makes me sad is that if we break up, I think about his next partner that will see his sweet and cute sides that only someone that is intimate with you can see that side, and it makes me jealous, and therefore not want to loose him, but then at the same time I feel that the relationship is becoming toxic and the negativity that is hanginging over us is dragging us down, and my self esteem is sinking when he is in snappy mood, then when he is in a good mood, I am happy and high on life!What do I do?I am considering writing a letter about how I feel and I have also though of going on a (first date) again to see if the spark comes back, but I dont know if that will be enough, or if it is time to let go and learn from it and move on even though it will hurt!
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jealous, move on, self esteem, spark, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MayMay1  +, writes (15 November 2010):
GIRL MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE...dont be afraid of leaving him and living for you....your mind is probably everywhere and you cant relax because your relationship is constantly bothering you. YOU DO NOT NEED THIS....Respect to me is more important than love, if you cant respect someone then why bother loving them....Never ever let a man disrespect you and dont accomodate all of this toxic behaviour because there is bigger better and less stressful out there. Go on and find your happiness, because its not with him..... Listen things will only get worse in time because he probably wont change...Accept the fact that he wont change and just be true to yourself. Your true inner gut feelings know that you are not suppose to be with this guy.....Be STRONG,
A
male
reader, der_zyniker  +, writes (15 November 2010):
I know how that feels. It's not the same thing but I loved one of my friends and he avoided me because of that. I kept trying to make it work out with just being friends with him, but he still wouldn't come anywhere near me. I tryed to almost a year. I guess what I'm getting at is that sometimes it best just to rip off the bandade. If you feel that relationship is becoming toxic you need to end it. Sometimes you have to think about yourself and think about things in the long run. It will hurt at first, but I think it's best in the long run. I think I remember reading your previous question reguarding your boyfriend having some pictures of another man on his cell phone and that you were borrowing it because yours stopped working or something along those lines. I don't think that he respects you at all. If he doesn't respect you then your relationship will end eventually and the longer you wait the more that it will hurt so save yourself as much pain as you can and end it as soon as you can if that is what you think is best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): I think you are grasping at straws here. You so desperately want things to work, but you yourself said you're not sure it can. One partner being unsure about the future of his relationship can entirely doom the relationship to failure. This isn't to say that ending the relationship is your fault since you are unsure, but the end of the relationship is because of all the things you've described.
Can you honestly continue living in such an off-and-on relationship? Is the good really that good to drown out the toxicity of when it's bad? Do you want to deal with accusations of cheating and mood swings? It's totally your choice. No one here can tell you exactly what to do. Please just consider what you want with your life; if it's not constant stress or fear of the relationship going downhill again, then you know what you have to do.
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