A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I've been separated from my husband that I was with for 10 years and have 2 children with for 6 months. It was my choice and I have never felt better since. I've been over it, since the day he walked out the door. I have dated 2 rebound guys since then. You know just having fun and enjoying myself. Well I met this new guy who I've been seeing for a few weeks now. I've known him for about 4 months though. His job puts him at my job occasionally and we used to exchange text every few days but just started hanging out and seeing each other recently and he's different. I haven't felt like this for someone since my husband, if not a million times stronger though. My divorce was finalized last week and this guy knows my situation and although he says he understands and isn't gonna rush me into anything, I know he wants more and already sees me as his girlfriend. The problem is so do I. I feel very ready to be committed to him but everyone in my life thinks otherwise. They all think it's too soon and normally I would ignore them and go with my heart but I'm afraid that if subconsciously I'm not ready than I'll destroy this. I really like this guy and the last thing I want is to hurt him or myself but how do I just walk away from what could be the greatest love. So do I go for it if I feel ready even if the book says this is too soon..
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): My wife met a nice guy right after she left her first husband of 6 years, but didn't want to get serious that soon, so she also dated other men. They were together for 18 months and then broke up. She felt that she was ready for a really serious relationship with someone who she could settle down with about 2 years after she left her first husband, but she didn't find anyone who she liked that much until her and I started dating another year later.
I started dating my wife 6 months after my first wife of 11 years left me. She was my first partner and I liked her a lot, but we both knew that it was much too soon for me to settle down with one person. I dated 4 other women for the next 2 and 1/2 years and while I was also dating my wife. After the last I decided that I wasn't likely to find anyone who I wanted more than my girlfriend and stopped looking for anyone else. She actually wanted me to date more, as she had, but I didn't think it was fair to her. We dated exclusively for another 2 years and then she moved in with me (4 years after we started dating) and then we got married 2 and ½ years later.
We are both happy that we took it slowly and dated multiple people, although she wishes that she had dated less men the first year after she left her ex and so do I, as many here know.
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (23 November 2008):
 Hello,If you feel you are ready then tell him you wish to take things slow. He may want more too fast, but that is the chance you take. See how things go slowly. xxx
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (23 November 2008):
 If you feel ready for it as you say, then go for it rather than let "the book" tell you what's right or wrong.
If you however feel this might not be such a good timing and you really do want to take it slow, tell him that. He might very well understand and respect this and go with your pace. If not, maybe he's not the one after all?
Consult your gut feeling and trust your instincts, not the book!
Wish you luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Similar to you I was apart from my ex for 6 months and met someone else and they pressurised me and wanted to move in with me after 4 weeks and went way way too fast - needless to say it all went sour. This guy sounds pretty clued up and if you keep communicating about your feelings each step of the way - even early on saying you are concerned its too soon then you can ease off if things are too much. In other words agree the terms for now - sounds a bit heavy but if he really cares he will go at your speed. You need to think about maintaining contact with friends and family and balance out any relationship so it doesn't take over your life. I would urge you to take it steady and not be pressurised. Other than that congratulations on moving on - a lot of people don't even make it out of an unhappy marriage.
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