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When is the right time to make my move? I'm Bi. In Closet. Really confused about this guy!!

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 September 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 5 October 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, *loridaboy15 writes:

So im really good friends with this guy (he's 19 and I'm 22), who i believe is in the closet (says he's interested in women on facebook and has had not serious girlfriends in the past, and never really talks about it.)

He always tells me how good looking i am and i always catch him looking at me. We usually text everyday if we can up until night. He always uses tons of smileys. He always accepts to for the both of us to hang out and get drunk. When this happens we usually end up making out and stuff. When he's drunk he's so touchy-feely with me too. But when he's sober he told me he would never do such things with a guy.

We did have a "sober chat" and he did mention to me that he is attracted to "certain" men and that i was really attractive to him ...but he said he would never have a relationship with a guy because he really wants to have a family with kids...and finds gay sex repulsive. Not sure if he's just saying that to cover up himself for now?

And the first night we got drunk together we started making out and that escalated into him pulling down my pants and him giving me a hand job (I did in fact stop it before it went any further because i knew that he had a girlfriend at the time.)

I am bisexual, but I am in the closet. I did talk about this to him...that I found him attractive also. He asked me why I find him attractive and I told him that I just do, there's no real explanation! I'm guessing he was just shocked?

So finally, I'm just really confused!?? He and I continue to flirt with each other...but I'm not sure when the time will be right for me to make a move... he also hugs me so tight when I leave him... I really am just ultimately confused. And he has now moved away to another state for college so I am really depressed, but he will be back many times to visit. So I really want to figure out what's going on. Thank you!

View related questions: depressed, drunk, facebook, flirt, hand-job, text

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A male reader, floridaboy15 United States +, writes (5 October 2011):

floridaboy15 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your response! I mean he still keeps in contact with me...but it's on a friends scale... but he does still always want to get drunk with me alone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011):

Well, I'm sorry to say but this guy may be attractive to you but he may not be the right guy for you.

He is probably bi, (he may even be gay and just not willing to admit it!) but he's doing a bad job of accepting who he is. He finds gay sex "repulsive?" Ha! Not likely! My husband is straight, very straight, not anti-gay or anything, but he doesn't want to look at or touch another man's body that way (or watch it happen, even.) Maybe he has some religious views that make him say that, like he's supposed to feelt hat way. But straight men don't pull down other men's pants that way....

So, a guy who will only be bi or gay when he's drunk has a lot of delusions. Plus, he's not faithful to his girlfriend, (you stopped him, not him stopping himself.) So, what is to say he would be faithful to his boyfriend?

I know you are depressed. This guy hurts you. It is good that he moved away. You can spend time finding a guy/girl that loves you for yourself and admits who they are to you.

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