A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This isn't really a problem but more of a question to people who are married and have children. My husband and I have been married for exactly 3 years this past Sunday. We are both only 23 so I know that we don't need to rush anything but we both really want kids. The issue is that our parents keep telling us to wait, see how things work out with us. It seems like in a way they think we are going to end in a divorce. I understand their concerns but we have both graduated from college, own a house and we are very happy. So, could anyone inform me as to when the right time usually is or should we just go for it because we are both very much ready. Advice either way would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): All that matters is that the baby will have a mother & a father who will always love & support them. If you feel you both can do this, than go ahead with it. Don't wait until you're in your 30's. You want to be young enough to enjoy them when the get older & enjoy your grandchildren. You should also ask your parents specifically why they think you need to wait. There may be a real reason for their concerns.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): Is your marriage solid and firmly in place? What exactly are your reasons for having a baby, right now? Are your parents perhaps seeing something in your marriage, that perhaps needs some developing..some maturing. Have there been problems, in your marriage? There is a reason that your parents are discouraging you. You have to remember, your parents understand what it takes to raising children. They've been there. Having children is no easy walk in the park..it is a tremendous, huge responsibility.Children are wonderful but they will need both of your undivided attentions and a couple has to understand that. You have to have a very strong, secure marriage, in order to give that child the best enviroment possible, to grow up healthy and happy. It's a tough choice and sometimes we think we are ready, but nothing can perpare you for how your life as you know it now...will change when a new little, totally dependant person comes into your life.BAbies and children... take a lot of work. You both will be tired, especially in the beginning years of this child's life. Your husband will have to understand there will be no bigger gift he can bestow on this child than working and retaining a secure relationship with you, this child's Mother. He has to understand that you will be busy bonding with the baby. Some new fathers have problems with his wife's new role as a Mother. It will take your attentions away from him...a lot! His role will be to support you, emotionally. You will need, patience, understanding and a lot of love from him. Is he up for that? He will have to help with the household chores more often, changing diapers, bonding with his child, holding the baby to give you breaks and he should be the kind of guy to give you recognition for the great job of Mothering you will be doing. Your romantic life may take a big hit in the beginning..you will be tired..don't forget. He will have to be reassuring, and loving to you, without putting you under any pressure. IS he up for that? Does he have the maturity it takes, to do that?
So really look hard at your motivations for wanting to be parents and what it means to both of you. If this something you want just to fulfill an emotional need, then don't do it. If having a child, is because you want to be a family and build a life with your husband for many, many years to come and you understand the challenges and are ready to take them on..then go ahead. Talk to your parents. Do it lovingly and really listen to what they say. Find out more as to why they want you to hold off. They may have some good insights and wisdom to share, hun. Good luck in your decision and please do take the emotional aspects out of this and really use some clear, rational thought. And ask yourself, are we truely ready to take this on? Sometimes, just waiting a year or two, makes all the difference in the world. You are only 23..you have time. Please also consider the financial, educational and career sacrifices that will be made. A lot to ponder on if you haven't already. Take care and I wish you both happiness.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 You can't listen to what anyone else says when it comes to starting a family, if you are in a stable relationship, your finances are in good order and you both want a baby, then you have to go with it.
There is never a right time to have a child and if you wait for the right time you will never have one.
I had my first at nineteen and the second at twenty six, and although it's not easy i would not change any of it for the world.
Take care.xx.
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