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When I was young, I touched my little sister...

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 July 2008) 12 Answers - (Newest, 28 July 2008)
A male United States age 41-50, *lephantzoowing writes:

I've done something really bad.

When I was young I touched my little sister. She was sleeping.

I know I did something real wrong.

Is there anything I could do about this?

I've made a lot of mistakes and I wish I would have never done them. I'd take it all back in a second.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

I did the same thing when I was growing up, and I know what you're going through. I really do, I had a huge talk with it with my girlfriend today, trying to figure out what I should do, because we have been trying to get me to let go of this for awhile.

I think one of the issues is that people don't understand, is that after we did this, we knew it was wrong. I did it more than once, sometimes when she was asleep, sometimes when she was awake. She was very young and I hoped that she wouldn't remember. However, I still feel like I did evil, so the whole 'quite normal' doesn't make it right. Because the guilt is still there, and being told 'it's okay, everybody did it' doesn't help either.

The best advice I can give you is to find someone who you can talk to and do your best to stop hiding this. I've told one person, and being that I'm religious (yeah, adding to the guilt big time there) I'm going to try and tell someone else and hope that if I can get God to forgive me, then I may have a prayer of forgiving myself.

It hasn't interfered with my relationship at all, other than the fact that I feel like there is this black mark over my head. I hope this helps, but I'm fighting with this too, and I'm not sure if I have the best answer.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (18 July 2008):

rcn agony auntThis guilt needs to no longer follow you. You were at the age between hanging out with the boys and really noticing the differences and why boys like girls. It was the experimental phase. I had that phase as well. I didn't have a sister, but mom found my magazines under my bed, never saw them again. My brother and I also got a talking too when we played touch football, and the girl who was developing was on the skins team. Not that we had that planned or anything.

Your guilt comes from the love you have for your sister. Your a big brother, the protector. Although she doesn't know, you see it as a harmful violation. But you're seeing that as an adult. You think and do differently than a teen, but now your adult perception is messing with the child perception you had at that time.

What you need to do is have the adult you forgive the child you. This is how to release the guilt. Just as I was talking about the differences, you need to do so with yourself. Everytime you feel this way, tell yourself what you would as an adult talking to a child. This will change your direction in thought, and by doing so you can forgive yourself.

Take care.

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A male reader, elephantzoowing United States +, writes (18 July 2008):

elephantzoowing is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well as far as age was concerned. I think I was in Junior HIgh School. But Why should age be concerned?

The logic behind the age and everything would be the knowing and not knowing. And what if I was just late on knowing things. I was in junior high while she was probably a 5th or 6th grader.

and no. she doesn't know. I dont think she should ever know.

and by touching her i touched her vagina? I dont even know. it wasn't the inside but the outside and I just touched it and stopped because I just wanted to do it quickly.

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A male reader, longandsmooth87 Algeria +, writes (16 July 2008):

yea man dont worry about it. when i was younger me and my 1st cousin used to go in a closet and play with one another. and were actually caught in bed naked one time lol. but we were both 3 and 4. of course we dont talk about it but like the other ppl have said its not a big deal

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008):

I wouldn't agree with the people that "you know you did wrong". You didn't strictly do wrong because you were a young child and didn't exactly realise what you were doing could cause any harm. Now that you're older with morals and ideas of right and wrong of course it seems dreadful. But believe me, it's quite normal for very young children who are blood relations to explore each other's genitals and have curiosity and interest in them even though it sounds very strange and wrong and is a taboo subject. I assume you were a young child, younger than 10? Anyway, don't feel so bad because a lot of peopl have probably had similar isolated experiences that they feel abd about now. You're not a 'pervert' anywayif that's what you're worried about. Maybe talk to a counsellor alright if you keep feeling upset about this or someone you can really really trust who won't judge you. I don't think you did anything wrong anyway because you were just a child feeling normal curiosities and didn't see it as being any worse than any other curiosity.

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A female reader, candylicious United States +, writes (11 July 2008):

Hey don't fret pet.

what age were you at the time and what age was your sister?

you were young and so blameless just hang in there and dont worry too much.

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (9 July 2008):

starfairy agony auntMaybe you need to talk things through with a professional?

Did your sister know?

Did it happen more than once?

Do you still speak now?

At least you know you did something wrong and feel remoreseful!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008):

how old were you? wat exactly did you do to her? does she even know? look you know you did something wrong and im taking it that your not still doing it so move on. all children actually have sexual curiosities about family members from a very early age, of course acting on it is different. exactly how old were you though? i mean if were talking toddler-5/6, i wouldnt worry, a little older is a bit strange. but like i said, you know you did wrong and your sorry so move on.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (8 July 2008):

rcn agony aunthow's your relationship with your sister now?

I know this was wrong, and you're regreting some things you've done in the past. How old were you when this incident happened? Is this something she has been or is aware of happening? How long has this guilt been eating you up? Weather or not she's aware, is this something from your end or both ends which interrupts your ability to have a real brother, sister relationship?

Answer these, then we can go from there.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008):

Well, I am so sorry for you and your sister....It must be devestating to live with. Have you tryed councling? Perhaps they could give you more indepth, and personal suggestions than I could. Please know that I will pray for you and your sister both. I pray that God our Father will lead and guide you through this tough time.

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A female reader, concerned88 United States +, writes (8 July 2008):

you cant take things you regret back. talk to a professional about it. the hardest thing is to admit to something horrible you did.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008):

You didn't say to what extent you touched her, but I would think this is something you should talk to a couselor about. If anything, it will help you to overcome your guilt.

If she was sleeping and never woke up, she probably doesn't have any trauma from it, so you probably shouldn't even tell her.

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