A
female
age
30-35,
*nonomouslover
writes:Hi, i've been with my boyfriend for a while and we havent had sex he knows im a virgin but he doesnt rush anything because he is a gentlemen and he's not a virgin. but when we do have sex i want him 2 have a lot of pleasure and i dont just want to lay on my back but i know it will hurt so what should i do? I dont like giving him blowjobs and handjobs but should i do it anyways to make the sex better! and since im a virgin if he fingers me will it feel good? Please answer my questions!
View related questions:
blow-job, hand-job Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 July 2010):
 Your virginity is a gift you can only give once so be very sure who when an where that gift is to be given. It is your beayutiful body give it to one that you truly love and you'll never look back with regrets.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Just relax ( difficult I know if you're a little nervous) but be YOU, making love should be totally spontaneous, and not from any kind of manual, as to what you should or shouldn't do on a first time.
If you and your boyfriend have waited you obviously have built a proper relationship, so your first time will be about expressing DESIRE and LOVE for each other - and I promise you, he will enjoy it with you, whether you give him oral or not, making love to you for the first time, he will love. And I'm also sure IF your boyfriend takes the time to relax you, lots of foreplay, lots of kissing, gentle touches YOU will react to his touches in a way thats normal for you. Don't pressure yourself into worrying about giving oral or hand relief, that will all come in time, when you feel more relaxed sexually.
Most women enjoy the feeling of pleasing their lover/boyfriend with their hand or mouth, but may NOT have done so initially when making love was new to them. We get to know over time what we like to do, receive, and the same of our partners, so please just go with your feelings when the time comes.
I remember losing my virginity to my husband to be, and it was wonderful, he was a little older, but I wanted him very much. It wasn't painful, just all rather overwhelming for a first time, and I loved having him inside me, so hope this helps. Losing your virginity doesn't have to hurt, or be a bad experience, especially IF like you and your boyfriend you have true affection for each other.
I hope when you do make love for the first time with your boyfriend it's a lovely experience for you, one you will remember for the right reasons. Good luck!
Jilly x
...............................
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (30 July 2010):
If he is mentally and emotionally connected to you when it happens, he WILL have a LOT of pleasure regardless of what you do. If he is expecting you to know all the little details of how to bring him sexual pleasure there is no way you can measure up, and chances are he'll be looking for a new girlfriend in short order, because his primary concern was his own sexual pleasure.
If you are as uncertain, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are not ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake.
For the record, most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say they bled enough to notice.
At the very least, spend some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure he understands and agrees to this.
(One good thing you can do is bring him to orgasm just before he tries to enter you. It will help him have the control and consideration to be aware of your response, and minimize your discomfort. Another good thing to do rather than laying on your back and waiting for the pain, after you have helped him cum and he is hard again - about 5 or 10 minutes - put HIM on his back, straddle him, guide him into you and use your vagina to envelope his erection instead of letting him stick it into you.)
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time. It was rather painful for her, and a bloody mess.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month. There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
...............................
|
