A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is a very violent person, if we have an argument and he feels he's lost control of the situation he will resort to scaring me by smashing things and sometimes he'll hurt me. I hate him for it, but I do love him. I know everyone will tell me he's an asshole and I should leave him but I want to help him I just don't know how.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): If you want to help him, finish the relationship until he gets help to control and manage his anger. By staying with him you are showing him it is alright to get angry, to hurt people because he feels like it. Your rewarding bad behaviour.
This man is a danger to you. One day he will lose his temper and really hurt you. If you want to help him, then stay away untill he makes it safe for you to be with him.
A
female
reader, Mandy01 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Hi there,
I was in a realationship like that when I was the same age as you. You may love him but this type of person doesnt know how to love you back properly, if he loved you AND respected you would he hurt you? My ex used to say he only done it because he loved me so much or that I made him do it. The more you let him away with it the worse it will get. You cant "fix" him. This will only lead to unhappyiness. I stayed with my ex for 2 years and I am still recovering now 3 years later. It leaves deep scares that are hard to heal. Please get out now, it will only get worse. Xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): Maybe you should tell him to go to anger managment classes and see a phsycologist about his "issues"!
But I don't think it's wise that you stay hunny. How is he ever going to learn not to hit you if you stay with him afterwards and let him, essentially get away with it.
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A
female
reader, toggs +, writes (2 June 2008):
 hi there i totally understand why your with him but sometimes love isnt enough. If you loved him you would help him but being apart. If your there your just giving him temptation to hurt you and its not helping either of you. He needs your support but he can only help himself unfortunatly there nothing you can do but show him you will be there no matter what and when he has dealt with his issues and changed and you feel you still want to be with him then theres nothing stopping you.good luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 You're not going to be able to help him, I'm afraid to report. He has got to be the one who acknowledges that he has a problem with abuse and his dealing with anger and frustration. This is a very dangerous situation for you to be in and you should start thinking about ending this relationship.
If there were a magic wand I could wave to help you help him, I would, but the sad awful truth is that there is not.
Please read this article by Ask_oldersister and think long and hard about why you'd want to be with someone who has physically harmed you. This is not a good situation to be in, and the sooner you can see this and deal with it, the more likely you'll be able to have a happier, healthier relationship with a mature, loving man.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/warning-signs-youre-dating-a-loser.html
Please take good care of yourself, it's very important that you end this relationship right away. It may be the trigger to him getting the help he needs, but be sure to tell your parents and your friends what has been happening so they can help you through this. Remember, it's not your fault.
XXXX
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