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When does sex start to feel good?

Tagged as: Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 November 2005) 30 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2011)
A female , *ariaelizabeth writes:

I've been with this guy for about 2 monthsish and the other night I lost my virginity to him. It was my choice nd I've got no regrets at all. I was just in some kind of numb pain all the way through, and wondered how many times you have sex before it starts to feel good and not hurt. xxx

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A female reader, Edge of Thornes United States +, writes (28 May 2011):

Edge of Thornes agony auntTo avoid him going in too deep try doing it on your sides facing each other. Your bottom legs touch in front with your top let thrown over his. It lets you withdraw easily if there is too much pain, this is as much for your emotional state as actual physical action. More foreplay to get you aroused will help, have him touch (and if you are comfortable with it) use vibe on you. Lube any sex toys, fingers, etc but IMPORTANT make sure your lube and any condoms and toys are compatable; hard plastic is safe for all but is NOT what you want while you are having pain issues, silicone on the other hand needs more care but is worth it. Play around with differnet things, some women are happy with just a clit teaser, others need the feeling of something inside to get off. Others get off on G spot but if he can't find it don't obsess, not all women seem to have one and some who do don't get the 'super' orgasms other women report so reflex and don't worry about it.

The most important thing is to 'get back on the horse that threw you' as it were. I backed off from my very painful first time and after only rememebered the pain not the bit of pleasure I felt at the end. It took getting familiar, by myself, with some sex toys to learn to let go and find release and I still prefer some foreplay with them, the difference between great sex and ok sex.

Good Luck!

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A female reader, Ambrianna Rock United States +, writes (28 May 2011):

My first time is hurt but then it feel kinda good the second the 3rd, IT WAS FREAKING GREAT!

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A male reader, DatsiKjay United Kingdom +, writes (22 March 2011):

Hey everyone iv joined this to leave a comment, im a guy and have lots of sexual experience but my girlfriend has only had sex the one time and it was a very bad experience for her (wasnt exactly consented), and she is only now wanting to have sex, i havnt put any preasure on her that i know of and have told her that i would wait until the time is right and make it absolutly perfect and gentle for her.

after reading through the comments i have ALOT more confidence about how to go about doing it right for her, so i would just like to thank all of you for your comments and if anyone can give any extra advice it would be a great help, thanks :)

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A female reader, trigger127 United Kingdom +, writes (20 February 2011):

Hey im 19 and im in the same place as all of you. i think the best way to have sex if your not all that experianced is to go on top. You may feel a bit uncomfortable at first but trust me it works. Becuse you can control how deep he goes in and after a couple of thrusts the pain should start to ease. When it dose tell him to go on top and go fast just for a couple of seconds and DO TELL HIM NOT TO GO IN DEEP because IT WILL HURT TRUST ME. After that, it should start to feel a lot better. use lots of lube if you get him to rub it on the vagina and inside youu and also on the condom to.

Remember USE A CONDOM AND LOST OF LUBE GOOD LUCK :-)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010):

I would suggest oral sex. That probably is the best. You could do kissing, touching, massaging... leading up to the big moment as well. When the moment comes, make sure he doesn't put it in ALL the way. Do it inch by inch.

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A female reader, appleberry United Kingdom +, writes (13 March 2010):

Masturbate. It helps, you can get used to sex and get to know yourself and what you like in your own time, space and privacy, There's no pressure, there's no one to let down, there's no expectations.

Just let it flow, if it's not working stop, move on, try again another time. You need to feel comfortable with the person you want sex with, like Me and my girlfriend just waltz around our house naked, completely comfortable. We love each other tons and so the sex is amazing. We communicate too.

I think that's also important, communicating. If one of us doesn't want the other one to, we listen and just one hand movement and it's stopped. We tell each other what we want, which gets each other off too when you talk dirty lke that, asking for it from each other.

yeah.

communicate, comfortable, and knowing what you want/like/dislike.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

The first time i had sex was with someone I had good chemistry with. We weren't dating/ in love all that typical shit, but we had good chemistry. It hurt, but at the same time the pain was kinda pleasurable. The second time I had sex was with a guy I had NO chemistry with. It sucked. Then I started dating an amazing guy, and the first time we had sex was the third time I had ever had sex. It was awkward, and we were both madly in love at the time. It was more awkward than my actual first time. For awhile our sex life was really off because we weren't communicating with each other with what we wanted out of sex. Actually, let me be frank, the sex sucked. We were putting too much pressure on it, I didn't feel anything. He would eventually come everything we had sex, but it wasn't enjoyable.

The reason it was enjoyable was because as a girl I was not completely comfortable. While i was in love with my boyfriend all the times we had sex, it was not fun. Sex is something that should be fun and amazing for both sexes.

How I eventually came around to enjoying our sex was when one day i told him straight up how I felt about it. he was putting too much emphasis on the actual act of sex rather than the emotions and foreplay leading up to it. he realized that he wasn't pleasing me and he had a hard time enjoying sex. Ever since we talked he began to focus more on what made me enjoy sex. Ever since then our sex has been AMAZING. I have multiple orgasms each time and he really enjoys himself.

The point im trying to make is that the reason why you might not be enjoying your sex is because there is a huge lack of communication between you and your partner. You don't have to be in love with someone to have great sex, trust me, but you do have to have the basic communication down and the mutual respect for each person involved.

I swear once you let your partner know that your not enjoying sex your sex will get alot better.

And while yes I do agree sex without condoms feel better, you can have amazing sex with a condom. Its all about feeling comfortable. I noticed that since I became more comfortable around my boyfriend after our little talk about how it wasnt enjoyable for me, even sex with a condom is great be amazing because my body is producing more natural lubricant as a result, which is a huge part in having good sex. While i understand that not all bodies are the same, if you do feel comfortable with your partner and really turned on by them, but your body is not producing enough wetness, then do invest in lube..

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A female reader, lalalalacy Canada +, writes (16 January 2010):

This made me feel a million times better. My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time a couple weeks ago and the pain was intense. I was scared to try again after that. We've tried like 4 times now and it STILL hurts. though it's sliiiightly better than that first time in terms of pain. Though I think condoms add to the frustration. From my very limited experience, condoms make it hurt more and I do not like them one bit. Though i guess it's too soon for me to really form an opinion.

I actually made an account just to comment this and say how relieved I am to know I'm not the only one with these kinds of questions. :) I didn't know what to expect and felt so bad about myself for not handling the pain well. So thanks! :D Hope all goes well!

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A female reader, hanbananano! United States +, writes (11 February 2009):

well ive recentlly lost my virginty and ive done it about 8 times and it still doesnt feel good. The weird thing i before hand id never ahd sex but when i did my cherry never popped, or didnt have one. They first time i TRIED to have sex it was in the back of my car with a boy i wasnt realy in love with and i was so damn nervous my poor vagina just closed up. Thats one of the reasons it may hurt so bad at first, and if its as dry as a desert its gonna hurt even more. I mean im only 17 i dont realy know but my advice is, make sure its with someone you want to loose your virginity to, be relaxed, lubricated, and somewhat aroused.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008):

I would suggest trying a lube. Normally it hurts because there is alot of friction. I can not say that this will solve you problem, but it will help.

It still hurts at first because it stretchs you out, but once thats over it should feel alot better.

Good luck

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A female reader, Sexyteen United States +, writes (20 May 2008):

Sexyteen agony auntI tryed having sex with my boyfriend 2 years ago and it hurt to bad we didnt continue. I just had sex for the first real time the other night and it hurt for there first 5 seconds and then I didnt feel anything. I would rather not feel anything then it hurt. Just give it time, maybe your not ready emotional, it effects how your body works. so think about it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008):

I recently lost my virginity,and it hurt, but not as much as i thought!! I've done it a few more times now, and it still hurts when he first goes in, but after that it feels fine, not really pleasurable, but nice enough :D I will just be glad when it never hurts again :P

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008):

i have had sex about 5 times now and it still hurts for me... but its only at first now its not all the way through so just keep doing it and maybe it will start to feel better

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008):

Well when i first lost my virginity , It didn't hurt as much as i thought it would , it started feeling good for me the same time but a little bit after . The third time for me was the best , was when it started feeling good. Keep in mind that all women / girl's are different =)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

Im alittle embarass about it but Im having the same problem. I have had sex a few times but I didnt enjoy it at all. The only thing that made it worth my will was being close to my bf. I hope it gets better and i wish you the best of luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

yea , so sex huh i am 21 and had sex 4 times ina day already

it is so much fun. i even did a double with two guys and it hurt a lot and i MEAN A LOT it kills the first ime but now i have sex 24/7 i swear i love sex, and i alwasy will, i have it every night it's fun now and inserting the penis in your vagina is the part where you feel real tight and weird but tell your boyfriend not to puch so hard at first, but i alwsy say PUCH HARDER, it is so good i love to have sex: i can insert two penises in my vagins it hurts but it feels good, and i dont care about protection, it is about the fun... if you want to have sex with me call em at 604-598-341 please i need sex!!!

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A female reader, helpplease! United States +, writes (28 August 2007):

i feel the same way.

sex is so boring for me.

sometimes it hurts, other times i just feel nothing.

hopefully someday itll get better.

i guess just keep trying untill it feels better and your comfortable with it.

thats what im doing!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007):

I am wondering the same thing \= I've had sex twice and it still hurts extremely bad. Actually, it hurt worse the second time. After the fifth/sixth time or so it should start to feel good though.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2006):

it feels good when you are half way through and ypu are both horny

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A female reader, amyz +, writes (3 February 2006):

Hmmm it still is sooooo boring to me. I mean it's nice being near my bf and all but it doesnt feel good to me, it hurts sometimes, but other than that it's boring to me. Maybe it'll be better for u, as someone said have fun trying!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2005):

lolololol....i was rofl at your question....I've been having sex for 27 years since I was 13 years old and i'm still wondering the same thing...when will sex feel good....I believe sex is for men...at least they make it that way ....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005):

I found it took having sex about 3 times for there to be no pain....however the third time included foreplay and arousing each other...then it just slid in amazingly lol. Some friends have said that sex never hurt them... but i have my doubts.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2005):

I found that losing my virginity was insanely painful, and I couldn't bear to have sex again until at least a month afterwards! The second time I had sex, I wasn't so scared, and so I let my boyfriend arouse me properly beforehand, and it was a bit better, but it took several tries before it stopped hurting. And then evenually it got so good we were having sex about 5 times a day :D

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A male reader, carn1x +, writes (17 November 2005):

Im reluctant to say this but this is how it was with my last girlfriend. She had only had sex 3 times, however spaced out over a year previous, and when we started having sex we did it quite alot. The first time was very strange, even i was numb and neither of us enjoyed it much, probably nerves, but after this is got better and bette, bit by bit. Eventually we stopped using condoms and she went onto the pill and she absolutely hates condoms. I suppose it is possible that some women simply hate condoms from the start and but just odn't realise because they have little to compare to? I know our sex life definitely got a lot more exciting without the element of condoms. Perhaps it was the excitement of going to the next level, or the fact that having to pause for a minute in amongst lovemaking just to unwrap and rollon can be a mild mood killer. This isn't to say my girlfriend didn't enjoy sex with a condom, but in comparison she says theres such an improvement. We used condoms for atleast 3 months i think and we had sex about 2-3 times and it was definitely enjoyable. I think you simply need to keep going with using condoms, i think nerves are a huge factor the first few times!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2005):

it didn't start to feel good to me for a long time, probably 20+ times. i was starting to think that it never would! it just took me a long time to get comfortable with it and know how to make it feel good, i guess. i agree with the answers above- it's probably different for everyone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005):

its normal for it to feel numb all the way through and it takes about 2-3 times for it to stop hurting just make sure he's still careful and doesnt push too hard during those 2-3 time you have sex with him oh yeah and i recomend that you try and get on the pill as fast as you can

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A reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (15 November 2005):

Rebecca Batchelor agony auntThis all depends on a number of factors such as how understanding and considerate of your needs is your partner, how relaxed you are, emotional matters such as whether you are really ready for an intimate relationship, etc, etc.

Physically speaking, because you were a virgin, some discomfort and even pain can be expected. This will indeed lessen in time, the more that you do it, but being very aroused and relaxed will enhance the experience for you.

Try to think about what you find arousing and experiment on your own through means of masturbation and fantasy. What really turns you on? Once you know this, you can implement it into your love-making with your partner.

Guide him to the areas you find arousing and make sure there is sufficient foreplay so that when intercourse takes place, you don't find it to be uncomfortable.

As time goes by, you will find any discomfort will be reduced but do work with your partner to enjoy the experience more and try to keep the communication channels open with him.

I hope this helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005):

Your question made me smile because i dont think anyone will be able to give you an honest answer, everbody is different so it could be next time you have sex it will feel great or it could be after the next 5 times. Im sure if you and your boyfriend take it slow and are considerate of each other and make sure the other party is comfortable with whats happening then the sex will start to get better. It can take a while to feel totaly at ease i spose and really get into it but im sure your have fun trying! x

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A female reader, Belle +, writes (15 November 2005):

Only when you start to feel comfortable and relaxed about what you are doing generally!!!

You maybe need to spend some more time 'warming up' and feeling relaxed with touching each other!

Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005):

It will hurt at least two-three times, after that, it will feel good. But when it feels GREAT is the when you orgasm, after that, you will want it ALL THE DAM TIME.

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