A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found myself frightful about the online datings and similar sites. Why can't men approach women face to face? This online dating sites acts as a barrier that keep them out of touch with reality. women get all dress up and wait, wait for them to make a move, wait for them to approach, why does it take hours and never take the chance? And post it on craigslist, hoping we can read it there, with some subtle hints like 'what am I wearing', or 'you, tall, blonde, curvy, high heel at store and 2:30pm'? That describes 500 ladies. Can't they make it any less subtle more on detail descriptions?? In my opinion, it just show men are weak by not taking chance and post online. Tell me what to think of it please?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Dating sites are other options. Men and women use them and find great friends, wives, husbands. It is another option available as well as meeting in a bar or a park or a museum.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): fyi, dating sites are for men and women. They are for people who would rather form a bond with someone on an emotional level immediately rather than trying to pick up chicks at the local bar. There is no shame in it and the success rates of couples meeting on those sites are typically higher than those of random encounters. There is no shame in using whatever means to date you are most comfortable or successful with. I would never use one myself, but I would never judge someone else for it.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (4 August 2011):
 So, you're saying men are weak for not approaching... yet women are never under any obligation to approach? Why not take your fate into your own hands and act, rather than waiting to be acted upon?
If you think it's men's job to approach, that's fine, but it means you are not making yourself seem sufficiently approachable. Being attractive is not enough. Men have to believe you will give them an honest shot, and men have to believe your standards are realistic - and they must be able to reach both conclusions just by glancing at you. You say you spend hours dressing up to look good, but what do you do to seem *approachable*?
Or, if you don't approach because you lack the confidence: why shouldn't men feel any different? How many times would you be willing to make an approach and get shot down out of hand before you decided it was a losing game?
Most men spend years and years getting shot down in high school, college (if they attended), and their twenties. Men eventually just burn out. Your age is listed as 30-35 (if this is inaccurate, let me know). At that age, most men have been burned out by too many rejections, or married. Notably, this is true whether you were the one rejecting lots of guys or not. If a large enough minority of the women in your area have a reputation for unrealistic standards or particularly cruel rejections, then men in your area will naturally assume you are just like them. How could they do otherwise, if they don't know you? It's not fair, but it's reality.
Online dating reduces the effort required to approach, and the emotional impact of an unanswered email is significantly less than that of failing a physical approach. With this technology, life is just a lot easier for single guys.
It is as unrealistic to expect men to continue to face repeated, harsh rejection when there are easier options as it is to expect women to date every random loser that works up the guts to talk to them. Few people have the time or emotional fortitude to do either one forever.
As a side note, thinking of men as being weak or out of touch with reality is not conducive to your own long-term happiness. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I suspect you want a man you can see as strong and well-grounded; a man who makes rational decisions rather than continuing to bash his head fruitlessly against unyielding odds would seem to fit that description.
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