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What's the deal with my incredibly rude, passive aggressive new flatmate?

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Question - (4 January 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 6 January 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I've been living in this place since October as I lived with my friends for the summer but it was in a dodgy area. I initially lived with two European girls but they had to move back to their home country due to their company transferring them over.

I've been in this place for about a month alone and offered to the landlord to show people around but not many people seemed interested, so I put my own ad up on a rental site as I knew he wanted to fill the two spare rooms if possible. He'd asked me if I knew anyone who wanted a room and I said no but I'd ask around. I obviously said that I was looking for another flatmate and was not the actual landlord, etc. I also included my name, a pic of myself and multiple pics of the flat so it's obviously the one I live in.

He recently let me know that another girl would be moving into one of the spare rooms, she moved in on Tuesday afternoon and we've only talked once but I thought she seemed alright and pretty friendly. I did notice that she asked a few questions about why I wasn't at work to which I replied that I was going back to work "tomorrow" (yesterday) which is true. She doesn't start work till Friday herself!

As she was clearly new to the city I was nothing but nice and offered to help her carry her suitcase up the stairs (she lives in a kinda loft room), etc. but she seemed to want her own space so I just let her be. I went out later that evening with friends and really didn't think about it too much. Anyway.. since then I have been at work today and yesterday (I get up at around 7am and boil the kettle etc., the kitchen is under her room but tbh 7am is not super early for a work day) and been out and about doing my own stuff. I've kept the kitchen tidy, bought toiletries etc. Not been out partying or back super late because I am not a party girl, haven't even invited my friends round yet since she has been here. Nothing that would piss any sane person off.

I did notice that yesterday and Tuesday evening she just stayed in her room watching TV but again just assumed she wanted her own space. She's also not bought any food except a pint of milk which I thought was unusual, there is tons of space in the fridge, and not used any of the shared cutlery/pots and pans (some of it is mine but the landlord also provides some which he told me too when I moved in). Not been in the living room watching TV. When I came back earlier this evening she was in the bathroom, I intended to say hi as I was about to prepare dinner but when I was in my room getting changed she left and slammed her door as soon as I'd shut my own. Obviously I would have explained the shared pots and pans, etc. to her but she hasn't even spoken to me since I came to say hi!

I also got a text from the landlord telling me a further flatmate would be moving into the final room on Saturday. However.. today I check my rental ad on the flatmate site intending to take it down. I got a message from MY NEW FLATMATE (it's her in the pics, same name, same job and workplace etc.) asking if I could "hold the room for her till the end of February?!" yesterday evening? When it's clearly the flat she already lives in based on the pictures I have up, my own picture and name, etc.?! I've used the site quite a few times before and there's no way her message could have been delayed or anything plus her advert says "new today" so this is like next level passive aggression. I also just got back from drinks with the girls and walked into the kitchen to overhear her on Skype in her room (I think?) and she was saying VERY loudly, "She's living on her own, what's wrong with her?!" I think she intended me to hear! She hasn't even talked to me much so maybe she should actually have asked what happened to the other two flatmates (moving for work) before making stupid assumptions!

I have no idea what her problem is TBH, is she moving out at the end of February and wanted to let me know and/or does she already have some kind of stupid catty issue with me? I know the landlord was initially only looking for a tenant for 6 months or longer but he may have changed this, this might also explain why she is being so rude/hasn't bought much food if she has a short tenancy.

Please help, should I speak to her or the landlord or what?!

View related questions: at work, flatmate, moved in, text, workplace

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI don't know what your deal it.

SHE is a stranger, a roommate, not a partner or playmate for you.

If she hasn't bought any food and isn't eating yours, so what? She is old enough to live on her own, so she is old enough to make sure she has something to eat. She might not have a lot of money, if she isn't working but again - NOT your problem.

Divide the shelves in the fridge up with a name of each room mate. Keep your food separate. Now if at some point the room-mates grow into being your friend then sharing whatever is up to you.

Buy toiletries for YOURSELF (unless the landlord PAYS you to supply them, don't buy them for others). Once she is settled in you can have a little room-mate meeting and delegate who buys toilet paper, soap (shared toiletries) and when.

And who CARES!! that she is Skyping someone (another stranger) and telling them that it's WEIRD that you are living on their own (when SHE in fact is doing the same!) WHO CARES! Even better if she is out in February then GOOD RIDDANCE!

If she wants to lock herself in her room, LET her. It might be her first time out on her own and she is terrified.

When the 3rd room-mate moves in talk to her/him about having a room-mate meeting and include this girl too - sit down and talk chores, shared expenses (like shared toiletries, cleaning supplies and things of that nature). Set Ground Rules! Talking on the phone (in shared spaces) smoking, visitors of the intimate kind, etc.

I've had a room mate whom I shared everything with but she was also a FRIEND before we lived together and I have had a room mate that I didn't share my food and stuff with - she actually bought her own toiletries and I bought mine - we shared the cost on cleaning supplies.

I don't really know what you expected from this girl. It seems like she isn't going to be staying - which overall might be for the best any ways.

As regards to her answering your advert, well just send her a message that the rooms are no longer available.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2018):

Too soon to tell. Let her be. Don't worry what she thinks of you. How does it matter? Looks like she'll be gone by March anyway. She could have been talking about anyone on the call. Smile when you make eye contact and speak when spoken to. Offer her some food if you think she hasn't had much to eat. Apart from that don't bother her too much. Continue to do things that you would when she wasn't around. Have friends over at reasonable hours etc. Get on with your life. Seems like you have a friend circle outside of flatmates anyway. Give them your time and if she shows signs of friendliness,slowly begin taking her in.

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