A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Opinion please. I go out with a girl for two years, I find out she has being seeing someone else by chance… I don’t know the full details but I say, fair enough and walk away heartbroken, but maintain my dignity. Weeks later she comes to me with some tale about getting strange text but says she doesn’t have the number they are from. Cries saying it's all a mess I say I’m fine. (still heartbroken) I don’t ask her back, don’t know what she wants or where the other man is up to. Day later she cries again. I'm supportive but don’t did, I walk away. Two days pass I ask are you ok she tells me she doesn’t want to talk about it and to leave her alone. Several weeks have now passed, we work together, if I see her I simply say hi and keep going. I feel like she hates me. The other guy I know is player and has been in contact with other women…Weeks ago i'd tried to be her friend and be normal as I think I have behaved well, no trouble, no name calling, told her I love her but I have to go. If i'd text her she simply wouldn’t respond, my text were only ever friendly, I did no begging or pleading. Recently I have text her worked based and she has responded light hearted.I was in her office the other day, and I would catch her looking at me for what I thought was ages though i'm sure it was only seconds and she asked me a question about work whilst we were both stood up, we got that close to each, I physically had to take a step back. Another female in the office stated how close we got.I was late at work the other day on the phone looking out the window and I saw her walk to my car as she was leaving, it was no where near hers or even the same colour, mine was parked back so you couldn’t see my registration, she didn’t see me, it was as if she was checking I was still in work.I’m so confused by this girl. I have maintained my stance and given her no attention other than hello. What is happening here, I’m trying to move on, but there is no doubt I care deeply but there are so many unanswered questions..Anybody any idea of her game plan or thought process????????
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at work, heartbroken, move on, player, text Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, AFnATL  +, writes (26 April 2008):
The simplest answer here is to have an open and honest talk with her and find out what is going on. You shared 2 years together and you owe it to yourself to have open communication here. I would suggest a discussion over coffee at a local coffee shop. Once you find out what is going on then you can decide on the "right" next steps. I don't think its worth investing any emotional time or energy into trying to plan past this initial talk.
A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (26 April 2008):
Well,we aren't great mind readers here, but judging from her actions as you describe them...it appears she may have some regrets about hurting you. The reason you are confused about this woman is because you are still emotionally attached to her. . I think you might want to start thinking with a clear head and using some rational thoughts,here, before you find yourself getting set up to take another fall. Cheating in books, says a lot about a person's character which is not too honorable.
But..I have another view as well. Let's just theorize that she still cares for you and has remorse for hurting you. And if she's feeling remorse, she knows what she did was wrong. Or is she looking toward you to fill the gap until the next guy comes along?? I mean, I have a hard time with people who can so easily disconnect and cheat on loved ones. But... if the two of you can manage to talk about true honest, feelings here, and you find out she still carries a torch for you, does this mean you give her another chance? I am open minded enough to believe that cheating doesn’t have to necessarily signify the end of a relationship. In fact in some cases, if both people are willing to work hard at rebuilding trust (which is a long, long process) infidelity can bring problems that were lurking in the depths of the relationship up to the surface for the purpose of healing and finding each other again.
Her saying “I’m sorry” isn’t enough, though. Just because she’s not cheating on you anymore, doesn’t mean the problem has disappeared--it hasn’t. It’s could still be there, but it’s in remission. Don’t delude yourself into believing the coast is clear. You will need to stand your ground, and insist she never do this again to you. Make her understand the pain he caused you. If this gal really loves you and truly doesn’t want to lose you, she’ll thank her lucky stars that you’re willing to give her another chance, and she will work his butt off to make this relationship work. She will never stray again. Tell him this is his one and only chance and stick to that.
You have to make this decision for yourself. You were with her for 2 years..you know her the best. If she's worth it to you, then make a choice that makes you happy. Can you ever trust her again?? Only you know that answer. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, justgirl  + ♥, writes (26 April 2008):
Grab her and kiss her and make up already. Sounds like a lovely love story to me....YOu are too old to playing these games. Be thankful you are both available and she just made a mistake with that other romeo. Move and be happy together. It sounds like you both still have the makings of beautiful relationship.
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