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What's happened to my wife's sex drive?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 January 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 January 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:


ive been with my wife 9 years now. for around 6 years our sex life was amazing but once we had kids her sex drive just went. i mean gone nothing. yes we have had sex many times over the years sence we had kids weve tryed every sort of kink toy drug you name it but nothing have got her her sex drive back. its driveing her mad and im not happy about it myself. the thing is she has no erge for sex but if we go to bed and i spend like 1hr of massage head rubbing foot rubbing on her then just without saying anything mount her (yes i know it sounds bad but this is the term she herself uses) and screw her she getts really into and we have gr8 sex for a hr or so. btu as soon as that over we go back to the same no sex drive from her no wont at all i just dont know what to do now.

weve talked and both see theres a problem but shes at a loss of what to do so am i and the doctors arnt intrested. so where does that leave us. it leaves her feeling like crap because she upseting me and it leaves me feeling bad for even wonting sex.

does anyone have any idears ? id like to hear from you all

View related questions: sex drive, sex life

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hello agina thankz for thoses answer but ive tryed the theings you surgest i do lok after our kids i do take her out for romantic meals i tell her ever day how much i love her and how much i love the way she looks i think she the most sext woman in the world to me. and as for cooking and candels and soppy movies i do that aswell. the thing is shes told me many times she loves me still enjoys sex wen we get down to it but has no urge for sex in its self. i just wont the woman i married back and so does she. She wonts her sex drive back aswell so this isnt just a man wonts to screw thing =P. it just killing me to think that she doesnt wont me anymore. but i know thats just me feeling stupid and upset as she does love me and tells me all the time we kiss and cuddle a lot aswell so i do feel loved so does she just sex has gone out the window

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A female reader, foxy75 United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2008):

When things in the bedroom start to change,most of the time its because sex is now expected.The spontinuity has gone,you go through the motions as they say.US women are very deep when it comes to saying whats wrong with sex!Its hard to explain without causing a row,the longer the problem is left the harder it is to overcome.You said that there's times when you've massaged her that it later leads to sex.So she still enjoys when in the mood!Does she prefere you just to take her,rather than tell her before hand?Those are the times she maybe feels more like your lover than a mother and wife.Do you tell her you find her sexy?Do u still let her know you Desire her,Without it leading to sex?She needs your touches during the day away from the bedroom.Tease her sexually during the day just hold her during the night. Mobiles have their uses? Text each other sexually! Build up the sexual tention, ask her to text you a fantasie of hers?Be as explicit as you can! SHOCK HER! You could be surprised by her response! It takes longer for a woman to become arroused,but when we do the result are worth it!Hope I've helped a little,maybe given you something to work with even? Take your time don't expect instant results,Be patient!Deprogramme her!She expects a cuddles and kisses to lead to sex,Show her she's wrong. It's atleast worth a try! GOOD LUCK!

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A female reader, Dawnie United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2008):

Dawnie agony auntYes a visit to a doctor who is prepared to help would be good. You say this has only happened since you had children, do you help out a lot, with chores, childcare etc. Maybe she is rundown, could be some sort of depression? I know this is fairly common though after kids come along so don't worry too much. Try sending the children off with a relative for a weekend so you can relax together and maybe have a romantic meal out? or alternatively you could cook, get the candles out, soft music, nice wine could well set the mood.Watching a soppy dvd and just being romantic could have the results you are both hoping for. Good luck.

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A female reader, rockelle United States +, writes (10 January 2008):

rockelle agony auntThe doctors aren't interested then you need a new doctor! Just like there are products for helping a man with erectile dysfunction and etc. There are options for women also and it is more common than you think. Maybe your wife should talk with her gyn and he/she can subscribe something or come up with an effective treatment plan that could possibly help her out. Sexual dysfunction with women is much more complicataed than with men but there are options. Some people try herbal remedies. Any issue that affects your wife should be addressed by her doctor Gyn or Family MD, if her doctor is not interested maybe she should find someone new.

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