A
female
age
30-35,
*arvelous89
writes:My sons father passed away almost two years ago and I’ve been single since then haven’t even Pursue anyone since. Recently his cousin that I’ve never met started coming around a lot lately and once we started communicating we started to like each other but I feel weird knowing that’s my deceased bf cousin and also having mixed emotions because I’m scared of what the family might say. The family tells me I need to move on but what would they say about me moving on with another family member.. Please give me some advice let me know what I should do I’m confused on this situation
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (16 January 2019):
 If I'm honest, I'd be uncomfortable with my mum dating my dad's cousin (or vice versa) if he passed away. With so many great people available, there's no reason to date within a family. It also seems like you're largely interested because he's come to you, since you haven't tried dating/pursuing anyone else since your boyfriend passed.I want you to be happy, but I don't think dating this guy is worth risking tension in your son's family, when there are so many other options. If you and this guy date, then break up, it's likely to cause issues within the family (like when relatives date) and your son will be growing up in it.If my son passed away, I'd want the mother of his child to be find love again, but I'd be disappointed in her judgement if she considered/tried to find it with my son's cousin. I'd also be disappointed in the cousin for going after the mother of his deceased cousin's child.You can obviously do what you want, but please try to understand why it's a bad idea. We're not still in the times where it's somewhat expected/encouraged for you marry your husband's relative if he passes away. You've lost someone you presumably loved a lot and are still considered a part of the family, so I wouldn't advise risking that for something that hasn't even started yet and can easily be allowed to fizzle out. If you hadn't got your son, I'd be a little more lenient, but it's his family and his dad's memory that you'd be dealing with.I think it would be best to let this go and start widening your circle enough to cross paths with unrelated people you may be interested in, if you're ready to date again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2019): Pardon the my typos!
"The "others" includes his mother, father, and siblings."
If you lost your son, and his girlfriend dated his cousin.
How would you feel about that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2019): There are sensitivities to consider. They may still be getting over their grief, and dating one of his relatives might be weird to his family.
I'm not totally sold on the cold-hearted dismissive attitude of "who gives a hoot about the family?!!" They lost a loved-one, and his son is blood-related. That brings you much closer into the family-fold. Married or not!
You're going to do what you want to do, regardless of our advice. I do think we live in a very entitled society that's all about "me." Never-mind what others think. Well, what others think who are related is different; because you can be rejected and shunned by relatives.
The "others" inclde his mother, father, and other siblings. Extended-family aren't really that important.
How would you feel if your son's father dated your cousin; if you had broken-up? It would matter about your feelings, wouldn't it? His being deceased doesn't totally erase respect for his memory. Lest of course, it wasn't a good relationship anyway.
They will grow accustomed to the fact. It may only be short-term. If you kept it low-key and not too in their faces; it probably wouldn't matter to them at all. There will be some suspicion and surprise. Were you seeing each other before he died? That would certainly come to mind, even though it's not the case.
Close-knit families tend to be very involved. If anyone would object; it would most likely be his mother. Maybe some would not care, I don't take that stance. I've lost too many people I love to be subjected to outsiders who don't respect my feelings. I probably wouldn't say anything or show my feelings, but I might be hurt.
He wasn't your husband, and it has been two years; so that gives you a little more freedom and flexibility. In spite of what anybody feels about it. Just prepare yourself for any possible backlash.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2019): "My daddy died and my mummy is kissing his cousin"... I couldn't do it and you could easily date people who aren't related to your son or ex. Why? You haven't tried dating anything else. You're wanting to date him because he's come along, but there are so many men out there who will be just as good, if not better.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (15 January 2019):
 Do the family live close by? Will they immediately know if you start dating the cousin? If not, then I would wait to find out if the relationship has any viability. You have not even started dating yet if I understand your post correctly so, technically, there is nothing to tell. Once you decide that you would like to have a future together, that would be the time to tell the family.
There may be initial surprise, even shock but, once the family get used to the idea, there is no reason why they should not be happy for both of you, especially if they enjoy having you as part of the family. Relationships may get a bit "complicated" - your son's uncle could also be his step-father in the future, but I am sure you will explain the circumstances to your son when he is old enough to understand any of this.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 January 2019):
I'm sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. My advice for this is to nip it in the bud. I don't think it's good to "keep it in the family". That's your son's second cousin. It's not worth it. I'd advise being friends, but no more. No flirting and no more "liking" each other. It's a lot of hassle for no reason and a potential wedge in your son's FAMILY - please don't allow it to carry on, for your son's sake. There are plenty of guys out there who will be a good fit for your family without them being related to your son.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 January 2019):
 Why would it be their business who YOU choose to date now?
If he is a GOOD man, potentially a good long term partner and "co-parent" then who should dictate if it's OK or not to date him?
While I get you questioning him (because he is family) I also question if your choices in partners are so slim that you keep picking them from ONE family? But really what it comes down to, is whether HE is a good fit for you, regardless of WHAT your former BF's parents/family think.
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