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What to do? I don't want our relationship to be based on amazing sex

Tagged as: Dating, Pregnancy, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 September 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Well me and my baby's dad have crazy sexual chemistry...its off that charts...

I just had a baby 3 months ago and don't want anymore for a while.

But anyway because of our attraction it seems like we can't even be around each other without having sex...

The problem is that I want substance in the 'relationship we have...

I don't want our relationship to be based on amazing sex that's only a plus, I want to be confident that we are connected in other ways...

Oh yea I got prego after three months of dating him...so how do I present myself in such a way that we can stay off one another??? HELP

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2012):

Maybe he wants only a shallow relationship based on sex. If that's what he wants then nothing you do to tone things down will cause the relationship to deepen he might just start looking elsewhere to get what he wants. I think you should first ask him if he wants the same thing as you before worrying if you're having sex too often.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yea thanks guys....this is awesome advice...well to be honest after you have a child with someone its very hard to wrap it up and as far as birth control goes I'm breastfeeding so ..... maybe lambskin to stop me from getting prego. I know they dnt protect from std's but that's not my worry...I just dnt want another baby right now! N yea we're definitley gonna talk about other ways to show eachother affection!

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (5 September 2012):

TasteofIndia agony auntLike the others, I don't see a problem with hot chemistry between you two. That's a good thing! Just try and do things outside of the house sometimes - get a babysitter and go out to dinner, or go dancing, or take your baby out to the zoo together or something. And then when you get home - I see no problem with hopping into the sack!

Like the first poster said, a good relationship has good communication. Sometimes it takes a little work and a little time to figure out the best way to communication with each other - but it all starts with talking!

Good luck!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (5 September 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwell what did you do in the 6 weeks after the baby was born and you couldn't have sex?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012):

Having sex every time you see each other is completely normal. Being able to talk to each other and have conversations about everything and anything is a must.

Maybe you should try not having sex with each other for maybe a week or two? You should ask him what he wants out of this relationship and tell him your concerns both of you can try and be focused on not having sex and trying something different.

You must have been with him for more than a year by now so talking to him about it shouldn't be too hard.

As for the pregnancy issue, there are many different types of contraception that you can consider. http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/topics-issues/contraceptives/1278

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 September 2012):

olderthandirt agony auntAmazing sex is the main reason for most young couples staying together mre than a week. It's hard to imagine any other reason for two people to put up with each other if there's lousy sex.

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A male reader, rescuer01 United States +, writes (5 September 2012):

I don't see anything wrong with having sex everytime you 2 are with eachother and I know that there are other couples are like that too,but if you have to have sex,maybe the both of you can use protection so that way you won't end up getting pregnant again.Have you tried just going out to movies or malls in your area or doing other things that would get your mind off of having sex with eachother?Maybe you should sit down with him and let him know.The BIGGEST and MOST important thing in a relationship is communicating with eachother as well as TRUST,So communicate with him and let him know your concerns about yours and his relationship with eachother.

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