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What to do? He says if I don't work out with both of them then he wants a divorce

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Faded love, Family, Marriage problems, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2016)
A female United States age 51-59, *ickvisit writes:

My husband had an affair, after I found out and got past the initial shock, I approached his mistress. Asked her to have a threesome.

We did, it went well.

It didn't take any of the pain away that I am feeling, like I guess I hoped it would.

My husband said he has stopped the affair, ie isn't having sex with her, he wants to work it out with me.

The problem is, he refuses to cut ties with her and wants me to workout with both of them at the gym and wants him and I to be friends with her.

He said if we could all sleep together, I should have no problem being friends. If I don't work out with both of them then wants a divorce.

I am not sure what to do with this mess. I do not want to ever see her again.

View related questions: affair, divorce, mistress, threesome

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (15 July 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntPlease tell me this is a troll!

How could you possibly agree to have a threesome with your husband's mistress? Have you lost your mind? When people find out about their partner's affair, they either leave or try to mend their relationship, NOT have a threesome!

The marriage is over so you might as well pack your bags and leave

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (15 July 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIf my husband had an affair I would walk out the front door, get the papers and never look back. I have never knowing someone to find out and jump in to bed with both off them. While I understand you where upset and trying to make sense off it, you probably just made things a whole load worse for yourself. Your husband has no respect for you, if he did he would cut this woman out and try and work on your marriage, but he is more interested in his own wants and needs. He wants to have it all, the wife, the mistress ect. The only way out I can see for you is divorce him, either that or you will just be his doormat.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2016):

My goodness, if this is for real then I am dumbfounded at why you'd agree to a threesome? If my husband had sexual relations with anyone else, they could have him - I know I would never be able t actually forgive that.

It sounds like he wants it all, he wants the woman on the side and he's going to get some creepy kick out of the three of you being 'friends' when the chances are he's going to sleep with her behind your back again.

Leave him. This isn't what you signed up for in marriage so take back your power. Stop letting him call the shots, tell him he cuts it with her or YOU will be requesting a divorce. I would probably get the divorce papers ready.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntWhy on EARTH would you have a 3-some with the mistress of your husband?

I'm mind-boggled!

I think your husband is:

1. lying (he is STILL seeing her)

2. he is being absolutely UNREALISTIC in his demands that you not only work out with her but try and befriend her WTF?

3. this is such a cluster-F... that I don't see any other viable solution but divorce.

You have to decide what YOU want. Obviously to "never" see her again is not an option your husband will agree to.. so what else option is there besides divorce?

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