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What should I do? Should I move in with him?

Tagged as: Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 November 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 24 November 2010)
A female Kenya age 36-40, *ere writes:

I've been in a relationship for 3 years.recently my boyfriend started behaving wierd he never pick up my calls, stood me up on several dates when i went to see him.we are in a long distance relationship and when i suggested we break up,he told me he loved me and didn't want to loose me and i belived him. I can tell that he actually does love me, problem is that i don't trust him any more like i used to. What should i do? Should i move in with him?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010):

You say you're still confused, even though the consensus of opinion with he details you've given is NOT to move in.

The posting I felt had a REAL message that ALL females should take not of was " revelationmaster " he is spot on, read it and think about very carefully.

Why would any woman move in with a man UNLESS she intended being there for the rest of her natural, have children with the man, where already the relationship is as smooth silk, run likes clockwork..Living together offers NO real security, not in the financial sense but in the relationship itself - you get to play home, be the head cook and bottle washer, as most females in this situation end up the ones who take of the domestics. Personally not sure what the attraction is, but then I don't need to live under the same roof 24/7 to FEEL loved or respected, or to be totally committed to. Each to their own.

But I will just add, if you put your finances together and it doesn't work out - you have no claim on anything, unless your name is on everything legally. Which comes back to 'revelationmaster' posting..which I agree with totally!

You may feel differently though about it. Only don't just end up sharing, but have none of the commitment that goes with it.

Jilly

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A female reader, Were Kenya +, writes (24 November 2010):

Were is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your answers.So far so good. i'm still confused what should i do? i am a student and next year we are going to the same university. I know he really loves me. But i have my question marks.i would like to know the direction to steer this relationship.

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A male reader, revelationmaster United States +, writes (23 November 2010):

Any woman who moves in with a guy is nuts. There is no commitment on the part of the guy, but a huge commitment on the part of the woman. Don't compromise yourself. What ever happened to marriage? If a guy loves you enough, he'll propose. It's easy for a guy to say, Move in with me." Woman are really blind when it comes to this. I'm a guy; I know how guys think. Don't be a fool. There are 3 billion men in this world; some of them are truly honest in their relationship. Look for one.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010):

If you ever have to ask, should you move in with someone, then the that should tell you the answer itself - NO!

Why would you even consider moving in with a guy, you say you don't trust - believe me getting out of a BAD relationship is far worse from living under the same roof, than from the firm foundations of your own place, where you're secure and can make decisions without fear of losing a home too.

May be, you guys have reached the end of your journey together, not every relationship has to go to the next stage, unless it's right, and feels natural to both people.

Jilly

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A female reader, JackieW0719 United States +, writes (23 November 2010):

JackieW0719 agony auntI can tell you that having been in a long distance relationship that went down the road that you're on right now, I don't recommend moving in with him...yet. Trust your gut instinct that is telling you that something is wrong, because something is indeed wrong.

The dropped calls, no show dates, especially after three years, these are a clear sign that something is up. He may be just afraid to say that he wants out because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. I would keep things as they are right now until YOU feel that things are right. Unless he has a very good reason for the dropped calls and missed dates, do not move in with him right now.

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