A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:first off cut the crap with the i am too young thing and am sick of it we really do believe were soulmates. and just an fyi we are freshman.SORRY! this is alot to handle for the both of us.thank you. my gf broke up with me because of her bulimic problem.she said she didnt want to hurt me or piss me off because if she had a mood change or of her depression.we went out for 6 months and she told me that she could see spending the rest of her life with me. when she broke up with me i had no clue of her bulimia so i was kind of caught of guard. she kept saying she didnt want to hurt she just needed to clear her mind and drop everything important until she gets help. she tells me she still likes me and doesnt and probably wont like anyone else for awhile, but she says she just cant handle a relationship right now. our school had a dance and we decided to go together. it ended up being a disaster. she went home and told her mom everything and was really upset. the next day her mom called my cell phone 4 times but i had a game so i could not pick up. by the time i got home her mom called my house to talk with my mom. she wanted to know if i was hurt and how i was doing. her mom said that she still likes me and still has everything i gave her. she still wears the necklace i gave her ( it must mean something because she is all designer and i got the necklace at kohl's). there is one thing that puzzles, quote from ex " i cant tell you how to live your life, so i dont want you to wait for me, i dont want to hurt you, i still like you and no one else, but i am not in the state of mind to be close with anyone or have any relationship outside of my family. if you end up going out with someone else i will be happy for you. but if someday you brake up with her i will be totally up for going out again, i just need some time to settle this problem with my family and get some professional help. when i am through with this we can go back out but right now we only can be friends but you need to be my BEST GUY FRIEND. i kind of have a sense she still likes me but i have to be a frined and it is really hard. i still like her and no one else and her mom even says she still likes me and talks about me. i just dont exactley understand why her mom called. i just need some advice. ALSO i have told my self to wait until she is cured and then try to go back out, if it doesnt work out then i will move on but i am not moving on until i know that she is 100% done with me . THANKS FOR READING / PLEASE HELP.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 + ♥, writes (3 June 2008):
 Hi, this thread is a bit difficult to read and understand, so if I get it wrong, I apologize.
It sounds like the girl you really care about has a problem with an eating disorder and has told you that she needs to deal with it and not date you right now. She doesn't want to hurt you, she wants you to get on with things in your life. You really care about her and want to help her in this, but you are confused about it all and feeling hurt that your gifts and your care can't help her get through this.
Is that right? If it isn't, sorry. But I'll give my advice now anyway.
Think of the girl you care about as being in a hospital bed, waiting for surgery. She's feeling ill, she's at her weakest moment, she cannot take care of anyone else right now, but can only concentrate on breathing and her pain and getting the help she needs.
You can't be with her as you'd like to be, nothing you can do will help this right now. It is the most frustrating situation to be in, but you're going to have to back off and let her get the help she needs.
Obviously she's not in a hospital bed, and obviously she can get out into the world and do things. But the fact remains that her mental health right now is in a very unstable state and the best thing you can do for her now is to just be a kind, caring friend, no demands, no expectations, nothing but calm, quiet support for her. Stay in touch with her mother, so you can keep up with this, but DON'T push the girl into anything at this point. Don't even tell her that you'll wait for her, because this might be a burden on her too.
Just simply tell her that you care about her, want her to get well and will be her friend as long as she is willing to have you as a friend. And even if she decides she doesn't want you to be a close friend, you still care about her. That's it. End of discussion.
So be as supportive as you can within the boundaries she has set up. Again, think of her as being in a hospital bed, this might help you with how to deal with her right now.
All the best, hon and make sure you are taking good care of yourself too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK THE PROFILE THING SAYS I AM A FEMALE, OOPS I AM A MALE SO I AM A GUY SO THIS QUESTON MIGHT BE A LITTLE WEIRD IF YOU DIDN KNOW. ok so my gf also cuts her self. but she also stares at me at lunch all the time like she likes me before we were going out. she didnt wear my necklace oday but she called me later and asked why i was sad all day. i told about the necklace thing. she said she finally got to sleep ( couldnt sleep cuz of anxiety attacks and depression) so her parents let her sleep in and go to school late. her hair was pulled back which means she got rushed to go to school( known fact from me). so she called and said that she forgot it on her dresser and she told she still liked me. my day was terrible cuz she wore for 6 months straight it just made me sad she didnt wear it but she just forgot it so that made my day I WOULD STILL LIKE SOME ADVICE ONLY GOT ANSWER THANKS TO DIZZIE.
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A
female
reader, dizzie  +, writes (2 June 2008):
i have gone through bulima and annorexia and im going through bulimia again right now. its a horrible condition, and no one really understands it. the only thing that i can tell you is that some part of your g/f life she is very uncomfatable with and this is taking control of that part of her she is unhappy with. she can control her eating while everything else slide out of control, with me its my kids and love life and thats why i took control of the one thing i could my food. your g/f isnt being unkind when she reassures you that she would be happy for you to look for love else where she knows the pain and heart ache that she will give you if you stay around. when you watch her eat and then she has to do her thing by throwing up her meal, thats not nice when you love someone. if she is like me she can go for days without eating and then she binges and the stomach cant take it so it all comes back up and then i feel so guilty, because i want to get well so much but i cant.your g/f needs so much to get some help and you cant do that mate no matter how you try. you can always be there for her but you cant do it for her she has to cure this on her own. make her get the help that she needs that is the only way that you can save this relationship, im sorry if this hurts you but i was 14 when it first happened im now 40 and still going through this disease of the mind please talk to her arrange some help for her and please while she has some help go for some yourself as this is a hard thing for anyone to go through especially one as young as you and if you need to contact me please feel free to do so take care love diz
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