A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my cousin sister since a year now. I like her a lot and want to spend the rest of my life with her.What should i do coz i can't live my life without her and she stays far away from me. I'm not going to forget her if u think it is a temporary feeling. No1 else will take her place now in my life and should i try to know if she has the same feelings for me or not? What should i do, should i never tell her about my feelings or should i tell her but might get a negative response or change my identity completely and get into her life in a new disguise?
View related questions:
cousin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate of my love with my cousin:
Eventually, i told her that i love her very much & no1 else can take her place. She denied initially but i just been there for her whenever she needed me & she realized that i'm the perfect 1 for her & so its been 5 months of our relationship & we are very very happy. We've just one problem & that is our family as its not acceptable in our religion but our love is strong & we hope to find a way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): I was in love with my step-cousin for years, and I feel like he was in love with me as well. He ended up moving away a few years back, and it was REALLY hard, but I eventually moved on. But still, I feel as though I should have talked with him about it before he left- I always have regretted not telling him. I suggest, that if you feel she likes you as well, you just pull her aside and talk to her about it privately. If she doesn't feel the same, then you will at least have a straight answer. Be brave! You can totally do it!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi whoever you are.Plz send me a mail so that we can talk on this subject better.I think your cousin is or was in love with you for sure coz these things i've been doing to my cousin n i feel i love her so may be he loved you too.But he never expressed his feelings coz he was afraid of your rejection.So better stop dating other men coz what all you'll do is find him in other ppl but you'll find disappointment thats why i've made 1 thing clear,i've dedicated my life to my cousin whether together or apart but no other women can take her place.You can still try to move on but i don't think diverting yourself from something which will make you happy is the right way to go about.I'm going to express my feelings to my cousin,don't know how but will do it rather than regretting n thinking that she might have had the same feelings.
Take care n do mail me what to do you think
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): Hi.I am in a similar situation,only i love my mum's cousin ! So he is my first cousin once removed.He's eight years older than me.I'm 25.I've never told him how i feel,i was too nervous to do that.Believe it or not,i've loved him for 7 years !.I mean as in i fancy him !.That might sound bad.I have dated other guys during that time though,so it isnt that bad.I havent seen him for four years.He used to live near me,but then moved away to another part of the country soon after i last saw him.I have only seen him about nine times in my whole life.Since i started fancying him,i've seen him about six times,the other times were when i was a child.So he is kind of a stranger to me,it doesnt feel like we are related,even though we are.I dont know much about him.He is gorgeous though !.
He flirted with me quite abit,at least i think he was flirting.He smiled at me alot,asked if i had a boyfriend afew times,and he bought me a drink and said i looked nice.Once i even danced with him to a slow song,and he was smiling and singing the song to me.Another time,i was sat at a table in a club.He kept looking at me and was smiling as he walked past my table.
Last time i saw him,he wanted me to sneak to his house with him,for a drink,so he said.This was after midnight though !.I was out with other family members at the time though,and they wouldnt let me go with him.Even though i was 21 at the time,i still lived under their roof,so i still felt like i had to do what they said.He rang me when i got home,and still wanted me to sneak out,but i wasnt brave enough.Looking back,i wish had either stood up to my family and gone with him,or sneaked out of the house.Who knows what would have happened between us.If i had known he was going to move away,i definetly would have gone.I did tell him i thought he was good looking though,and he said he thought i was really really good looking !.He said he wanted to see me again,and he told me not to tell this other guy who liked me that we were gonna meet up !.That sounded suspicious.He said aswell that he couldnt pick me up at my house the next day,as he thought our family would think we were going out with each other.I said even if we were its legal,and he said i know !.We were supposed to meet the day after he wanted me to go to his house,but when i tried to call him the next day,he didnt answer.So,i dropped hints,coz i couldnt actually tell him,and he must have either been doing the same,or he wasnt interested in me in that way.What do you think ?.
Which makes me wonder, has your cousin shown any signs that she may be interested in you in the same way ?.
We are intouch online now,but he rarely talks to me.He does come up here to visit sometimes but i havent seen him.I even wish i could move up there with him.Lol dont know if i would be brave enough to ask.Even now i still wish something could happen,but i get on with life in the meantime with hobbies and dating other men.
So i guess my advice to you is to keep yourself busy with hobbies,anything you enjoy,and if possbile,date other women in the meantime.Perhaps you will get the chance to tell her some day.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Your obsessed!!! Study her first then make the decision to tell her. If she gives the hinting that she is into you then by all means tell her how you feel. But if she keeps sweeping you off, leave her be and find someone else to fantasize about.
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I wasn't being rude i was merely asking because you seemed to rebel against what advice we gave you.I apologize it came across as rude i really do as i never meant it too i was merely commenting back to what you said.
...............................
A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (19 May 2009):
 It is not illegal Nicola100 certainly not in the UK, India many other countries and over half the US States it is ignorance and old fashioned views that confuse people do a little bit of homework and you will find out for yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, nicole100  +, writes (18 May 2009):
i think you should give yourself some time.. it's illegal too to have a relationship with your cousin. I KNOW It may hurt and it's maybe not what u like to hear but IT's impossible the best thing is moving on !!! i'm sure that if you give it a try someone new will come along !!
someone who won't be your COUSIn.. :) GOOD luck !!!
...............................
A
male
reader, unclezak +, writes (18 May 2009):
I thought firdt cuonsin marriages in India were not such a biggie I have a fair few asian friends married to cousins.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you didda123. i really respect you for caring my emotions.
...............................
A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (18 May 2009):
Plus i wrote this to another person enquiring about a relationship with his cousin in January after reseaching the topic:
'I have just read an article regarding abnormalities which may occur with children of 1st cousins and apparently scientists have discovered that abnormalities are no more common with children of 1st cousins than they would be in women over the age of, 40 saying that unfortunately lol I am over 40 and i would be concerned about any birth defects if i was to have another child so it's probably worth thinking about'.
I hope this is of some help as well although i realise you are not even in a relationship at the moment let alone planning a family but even that is a possiblity in the future.
Hope this makes you feel a bit more catered for not everyone has the same views but that is the beauty of this site in some respects but you are right your problem is not unheard of even on this site if you search the topic you will find many people in the same situation.
Good luck once again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): Well there is no simple answer to such a complex situation like this. The most obvious answer would be to let it go and try finding yourself a girlfriend. Commenting on ilovebowsandcherries, yes she is his cousin but if the feelings are real not much you can do and i know through personal experience. I fell in love with my cousin but was fortunate cause she came out and told me first after a night at my house. But even though we both felt the same towards one another society and family will try and break you up maybe even shun you. I don't recommend you pursue in this as most likely it will have bad outcomes. I lost my cousin because of this and i loved her to death. I don't want the same happening to you and if you do love her don't make any moves unless she is giving off hints that she may like you too. So my answer to your question is don't tell her but maybe show her through little actions you do like her. Some things i did was flirt a little, maybe cuddle with her, play with her hair, small things you would do if you were trying to get with a girl other than your cousin. If she doesn't back you off then perhaps she does have feelings for you. If you need to talk you can email me. Hope I helped
...............................
A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (18 May 2009):
It is legal in this country to have a relationship with your cousin and you can also marry a cousin courtesy of Henry VIII who changed the law to marry his own cousin! I am not 100% sure elsewhere in the world are you living in this country or India?
So really there is no problem apart from the fact that you have not broached this subject with her so you don't actually know if she has any real feelings for you.
After you have that confirmation you then need to bring your relationship out into the open. This is when you may have some problems as your family are more than likely from the old school and this sort of thing would have been frowned upon but who knows for sure until you actually try you won't know.
Good luck x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi ilovebowsandcherries. i think you must see uncle phil's reply on question "in love with my first cousin,should i pursuit it or not?" well i didn't like your tone of why ask for advice,well it is not must that your advice must be felt relevant by every1 & it should be followed. i think its easy for you to say like that coz you aren't passing through this. if you cannot feel some1's problem atleast don't be rude by saying that why ask for advice if you didn't like it. i never made any personal comments on you, i'm just trying to explain my situation. i think you must better visit http/:cousincouples.com. also find out whom did albert einstein marry from that site,you might be shocked.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): we are supporting you, by giving you alternatives....
of course if you prfer **ra ra ra go cousin love go go ***
...doesn't sound right does it...
do you think its right?
how do you know no one will take her place until you try?
what will your parents say?
Star.x.
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (18 May 2009):
how can we support you?
it's family...
it's a bit twisted.
i mean you could tell her sure but what are the chances she feels the same?
i reckon extremley slim to be honest.
if you didn't like the advice then why ask for advice?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell if another girl was the solution to this problem then i know that & its not gonna happen coz then i'll be trying to lie with myself. i was expecting some1 to support me atleast in someway rather take me away from this situation
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (18 May 2009):
hun what can you do?
she's your cousin?
she's not going to feel the same you're family like!
nothing more.
you can find yourself a really decent girl one you'll fall head over heels with im sure with your cousin it's because you know her so well and probably get along really well.
but only as family nothing more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): you know the right answer is to give it up.I think you should walk away feeling proud of your feelings and go and find a girlfriend.
Go do this - that would be more of a sign of love than than the stupidity you feel right now.
Star.x.
...............................
|
