A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, here's my situation. I'm 19 about to turn twenty and my girlfriend is 17 just about to be 18. We have been together 2 years now. We live 56 miles away, about an hour and 15 minute drive apart. Lately we seem to argue a lot. Everyone of my friends, family, and recently even my own mother have told me that something is "off" or she seems immature, and that If it were them they wouldn't put up with it. Thing is I love her. A few examples of what we argue about lately would be: 1. Being that we are so far apart and only have the time to see each other maybe once a week. You would think we would talk on the phone a lot. If you ask her we do, but our phone conversations are so dull and she won't speak. Most of the time she is playing a game and can't give me any attention. I work through the week and at the end of my long work day I'm exhausted, yet I still want to speak to her. She gets home from school on the other hand and is " to tired " and won't answer my call or even text me. When I bring this to her attention about how this makes me feel. It leads into a arguement and she gets really defensive, usually throwing it back at me saying something like, " I try and do everything for you, I feel like you are hold me to some bar I can't come close to reaching" all I was trying to do is talk to her about something in our relationship.2. I don't know what to say when she says this because I love her and want to work things out. Thing is I just don't see it. 2 years we have been together and she has been to my house 3 times. I ask her all the time if can come up and spend the day at my place and she says she will see. I would gladly drive all the way there pick her up and bring her back so getting her here is no problem.When I finally get to her house after the long drive she "playfully" insults me by saying something like "took you long enough" and wile its funny every now and then I've let her know in the past on several occasions I don't find that funny even though I know she's kidding. I get told I can't seem to take a joke and she gets mad at me. When I go to kiss her she only gives me a peck on the lips when I'm trying to kiss her like I've missed her. She will say "babe.. No, we made out the last time you came over" I'm not even trying to "make out" I'm trying to give her a kiss that lasts more than a milli second. What she calls making out is like anything over 5 seconds. And we have never went over 10 mins if even that.At one point in our relationship she was interested in sex and that was all she would talk about. We eventually got a little intimate ONE time and she let me put my hand down her pants. She never even Tryed to touch me at all. After that one time which she seemed to love. She stopped talking about sex and literally she hasn't had any desire for it at all. It makes me feel like she doesn't want me or isn't attracted to me. I dont want to be a jerk and tell her I have needs but I do. I love her and she says she loves me but I just don't see it.If we plan a a date it almost always gets changed later. Either canceled completely or into some kind of double date with her friends. When I bring up I want to spend time with her she gets mad and tells me they are my friends to. Which is true but I'm driving the distance to spend time with her not them.What ever her parents say goes no matter what. I respect that, but she has told me she doesn't want to go to college and she only is doing it because her mom wants her to. Well I've been there and done that. If your not doing it for yourself it's almost pointless, and a waste of time and money. Also she doesn't have the slightest clue of what she wants to do. Her mom also told her no marriage till she graduates. I don't want to wait that long. She expects me to quit the job I have now and get a house near her by myself. I can't afford that unless she and I lived together but she gets upset when I tell that.I was offered a free spot of land from my parents and its perfect. I can actually afford to build a house right now if I chose to take it. But I don't want to build it if she doesn't want to move in with me in the future. She has told me she refuses to live up where I live because her mom won't have anyone to take care of her. Her mom is 40 doing just fine, and has her other daughter still living in the house. At some point don't you have to move on with your own life?I could write soo much about what seems off in our relationship but I don't want to make anyone read a book. So from any of this can someone give me some advice as to what seems to be the problem? If you need more information or examples just ask me ill tell you.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 You have a lot to offer but your girlfriend is not that into you. She will play hard to get and whet your appetite just to get a kick out of it. I don't see a lot of argument here. In fact I see that you would rather have a heated talk than the silent treatment from her. You are reaching a dead end because she seems too detached to want anything real with you. I would say that the biggest problem is that she doesn't know what she wants in life but does not want to compromise her comfort of being close to her parents. You have a 2 year age difference but you are already at different life stages. It's hard not to talk about the future since you are frustrated with the long distance. When you do long distance it is extremely important that you have more things in common than the average couple.
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