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What sacrifices do you make in a relationship? To what extent?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 June 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 June 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *iamond_fox writes:

Okay I'm not very "good" at relationships, they only usually work out for a few weeks, but currently I'm in a relationship and have been for 7 months now. I honestly couldn't be happier.

I just want to know (from people who have had experience in relationships) what is the length of things I have to stop doing now I'm in this relationship.

I have a lot of guy friends, my best friend is a guy and my boyfriend isn't a huge fan of this but they get along well. The only problem is that when I hang out with my best friend (or any guy friends) at my house he gets really weird and sort of shuts me out. I try to tell him that he needs to talk to me but he doesn't and then I feel guilty for hanging out with my friends. Am I in the wrong?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (14 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntThis is a tricky one, you should not have to give up your friends as they are part off you. However it sounds like your boyfriend could be a bit jealous, how would you feel if he was hanging out with girls all the time without you? You should try and meet him in the middle. If it makes him uncomfortable the invite him to hang out with use. Communication is a big thing in relationships, so you need to be able to talk to each other about how you feel. Relationships are about understanding and compromising.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (3 June 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntJust don't be alone with your guy friends. You shouldn't have to lose friends for a partner, unless you have history with them, but you also shouldn't really spend time alone with other guys in private.

If you hang out with your best friend alone, do it in public places, so there's no chance of things being "suspicious".

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2017):

Well,first and formost thing you do when you are in a bf/gf relationship with someone you stop dating others. Also you don't go out with other group of boys without him. Also you include your bf in in your friendship with your best friend who is a boy.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (3 June 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntLet me ask YOU a question: how would YOU feel if your boyfriend had a lot of female friends, including his best friend, and he hung out a lot with them at his house? You need to have empathy for your boyfriend and realize he may feel jealous, insecure, pushed out or many other emotions.

Having said that, you should never have to give up your friends for a boyfriend. At your age, boyfriends tend to come and go. If you drop your friends for your current boyfriend, when (rather than "if" at your age) the relationship runs its course, you will have nobody to support you through the break up or to take your mind off it.

You two need to talk. You need to ask him what he fears and he needs to be honest with you about this and to tell you what changes would make him more comfortable. For instance, would he feel happier if HE is with you when you meet up with your male friends? Would he be happier if they don't come round to your house? Would he be happier if you just reassure him that HE is your boyfriend and THEY are your friends, so that he doesn't feel pushed out?

You are reaching adulthood. Negotiating relationship issues is something you will inevitably have to do. Start learning now.

Good luck.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (3 June 2017):

Denizen agony auntIf your boyfriend isn't happy with your friendship with another man you should cool it. You don't have to cut him off completely but don't be in contact so often.

And as for the part of the question: 'What is the length of things I have to stop doing now I'm in this relationship.' The answer is you don't stop.

Your boyfriend should be doing things to please you and you, likewise, for him.

Just be aware though that at your age you are still learning a lot about people and how to deal with their various quirks. It is an ongoing lesson, most of us never finish. Be prepared for your new love to end. Teenage romances which continue into later adulthood are rare.

Enjoy it! Look after yourself. Don't give everything.

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