A
female
age
22-25,
*ainStillNoGain
writes:I just want to know how a young girl is supposed to love herself in a world where ideal beauty standards are plastered all throughout television, all different genres of music, and even in our family and friends through their language. How am I supposed to love me? At the rate I'm going I don't think I'll ever be able to look in the mirror and say, "I love you." When you don't fit into the standards of society's idea of a truly beautiful woman how can you manage to wear a smile? I hate everything about me. I hate my skin because it is consumed by patchy eczema and discoloration. I hate my hair even though my family tells me it is beautiful because when I open up that magazine and I see this beautiful white woman with a mane of voluminous curls flowing in the wind--her hair as opposed to mine is only worthy of being called beautiful. I hate my foot size. I hate the size of my legs because they're so skinny. As opposed to all the other girls who have thicker legs they can wear heels and look pretty in them. And should I not even mention the size of my back? I hate the size of it. It is wider than that of the average girl and I HATE HATE HATE it. I can't even wear a simple shirt and skinny jeans without being self-conscious about my body. At night I cry and I cry and I cry because all that occupies my mind is the image of that beautiful person that I always aspire to be. If I were to continue the list of flaws I recognize in myself, there would be too much written for anyone to want to read. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (16 May 2017):
 Thank you media for giving basically every women a major psychological complex. It's a poisonous industry that harbour vain, cutthroat people that will screw anyone over for an extra dollar. Especially younger girls more vulnerable to it. mY bf knows a guy that literally points out how EVERY plastic poster advert is specifically edited digitally. NOT REAL NOT ATTRACTIVE. PLASTIC. My best friend is short and chubby, average looking (ill never show her this column ha) But she is the most FUN- I tell her shes the best person that walked this earth ha! I literally emptied my savings to fly to pakistan for her wedding- almost £900! She also has the most handsome, wonderful doctor husband that LOVES the bones off her. Point is she's completely secure with herself. She lives as she loves to live. She studies medicine and makes art. She is fulfilled, happy and therefore is great company. And she's found her soul mate, who is NOT going to leave her for a pretty face. That's waht counts when youre sitting in your rocking chair with someone- So begin to focus on your studies- youre at the age where you start specialising in something that YOU LIKE. Whatever it is, it will challenge yourmind if you pursue it, will give you a sense of purpose and set you up to rely on yourself. Acheiving a goal through hard work is one of the best ego- boosts. Anything that interests you along the way, pick it up.Even if you're not good at it if you like it you CAN become good at it. When you learn, you find out how your mind works more, you overcome personal obstacles and you will ultimately become a person will a high sense of self worth. You will be able to spot sleazebags/ untrustworthy people who aren't worthy to lick your boots a mile off. Treat people how you WANT to be treated- THEN you'll know if someone is mistreating you and you'll have the strength and wisdom to cut them loose. Like YCBS said- this is what they want. You to ALWAYS be obsessing about being as good looking as some celeb, glammed up to the max. And when youre plastered in make up, youll still be obsessed about looking better. So they can then bring out new marketing ploys!For the record you're likely not physically ugly anyway.. Youre doing what every women does as perceive yourself less attractive than you are... i.e thanks media! I read that youre actually 30% more attractive than you think you are. We try and help you here, but sometimes obsessive thoughts need counselling. I think its worth it just talking to a therapist who can help improve your psychology. Weve all done it ha...I really wish you well. Youre a special, astute, complex young woman. Dont forget you have every right to gain happiness for yourself
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 May 2017):
 I think this is an age thing. You are still young and yes their is a lot off pressure on young people to look a certain way but believe me as you get older you will appreciate your looks more. You need to try and stay positive. You hate your hair? What about the girls who suffer alopecia and have no hair? You hate your feet? Your legs? Imagine the girls who are in wheelchairs or have had their legs amputated because off accidents. You hate your back? Again imagine being paralyzed and not able to walk? As you get older you will see the importance off these things we take for granted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2017): Who says that you have to love your self? Do you know there is a name for those who love themselves. It is called narcissit or in common language selfish. You have to accept yourself as you are and move forward. There are many women in the history of mankind who weren't what you call beautiful but they left their lasting effect on human history. Be like them. Choose a field in which you are really good and try to excel in it. Forget about beauty and all that nonsense. Why not become a skin specialist since you are suffering skin problems? You could be very good at it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2017): I'm a model and a pageant queen and believe me, I used to hate the way I look but I realized life's too short to worry about these stupid things. I know it sounds corny but you need to understand what others think of you is none of your business and don't, I say do NOT ever believe what you see in adverts. Just take care of yourself, your skin, lool your best and live your life for YOUR SELF. I'm not skinny like other supermodels but hey I don't care. My life. Not wasting one second comparing myself or hating myself for not good reason!! Xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2017): What an interesting question and how easily I could read the entire list and the rest because it reminds me of being young!The problem is that you are still young and yet like so many 16 yr olds you think you should be 25 yrs old!Its like wanting to cross the finish line of a marathon before you set off!I remember coming up with a 5yr plan when I was your age and figuring out that if I stuck it out I would be beautiful by 25 and I worked towards that reducing sugar in my foods and drinking lemon juice to retrain my taste buds and stretching and doing yoga every evening on the floor in the hope of getting taller and more supple and of course getting a decent bra!Now Im older of course I realise that the fashion industry promotes stick thin models and the business is very fickle!Ugly men with beer bellies run the media and they want puppets or at least they did in those days.A good startling thing to do is to get your hair dyed a kick ass colour!If you the test patch on your skin 24 to 48 hrs in advance you will find out if you are allergic to it or not.Do not do hair dying if you are allergic to it because the end result is not pretty!But the real answer lies within you.No more of this white girl hair is pretty stuff!All hair is just dead cells so dont assign it qualities it can never have.Just condition it faithfully whatever your hair!And your appearance sounds great!But you must reassert to yourself every day that you are as good as anyone else!Learn as much knowledge as you can and talk to people of your age with a real interest in them.Try to find a few things you enjoy such as watching films, listening to music, reading, interest in other cultures etc. This may not be the best advice but I am sure you are just grinding yourself down with self critism so take an interest in something else.I hope no one is treating you with contempt or bullying or picking on you.If so have a word with your doctor and see if you need anti depressants or other help.Things generally get better as you get older but you have a right to be happy now.Just because you are young it doesnt mean that your life should be one of personal torment. And the hair dying is just an illustration of how to do a quick image change but is an absolute non essential as ultimately it damages your hair and you end up going baldish or completely ruining the structure of your hair, so technically it isnt an improvement in the long run just a short term styling thing.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (13 May 2017):
 Well, if all women woke up tomorrow and were actually happy with the way they looked, how many industries would go out of business? All these industries will try to make you feel insecure in your own body and make you feel that you should aspire to look like their air-brushed models when even the models don't ACTUALLY look like that!
There are some things you can do something about - like the skin problems. Have you been to see your doctor about them?
Other things you won't be able to change - like your foot size or the fact you have skinny legs (which a lot of women would KILL for, lol!).
Do you know what looks the most attractive on a person? CONFIDENCE. Hold your head high, walk with your shoulders back and your back stretched (like the models). That is something you CAN achieve and which WILL help you look attractive. And SMILE. Nobody looks attractive if they shuffle along, hunched over, with a scowl on their face.
Most importantly, stop comparing yourself to these impossible-to-achieve ideals the beauty industry tells you you should aim for. The only reason they drum this into you is because they can't make money any other way.
When I was young I spent a fortune on all sorts of shampoos that were going to make my hair thicker, shinier, more beautiful. Guess what? NONE OF THEM MAKE THE SLIGHTEST SCRAP OF DIFFERENCE. One day I decided that I was going to just accept my hair the way it was and not spend a fortune on these products which only made a difference to my bank balance. Guess what? Nothing terrible happened. I was exactly the same as I had always been, as was my hair.
Don't fall for all the manipulation and propaganda that is heaped on you by the beauty industry. Everyone is different and everyone has bits of their bodies they like less than other bits. If you really hate your legs, research what exercises you can do to muscle them up. Learn to dress for your shape. Not all clothes suite all shapes and sizes. Experiment with clothes and see what looks best on you.
We are all beautiful in our own way. Don't hate yourself just because you don't look like an impossible image.
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A
male
reader, birdwriter +, writes (13 May 2017):
 It's a tough question, but it's also a simple answer.Firstly, Just do not try and care what everyone thinks of you. Secondly don't let the marketing industry ruin what you think of yourself either. That's all there is to it.....I'll go into detail here...Generally when I try and do something to "love myself," I go get myself a videogame I have always been wanting or get a $3 tub of Ice-Cream and eat it on a sunny day in the middle of the park (just because I can!) Personally my favorite thing is to go on a very long bike ride on my bicycle, and just go anywhere and everywhere. No objective, no place, no reason. Just the wind in my hair and the breeze behind me.I'm not saying you have to do what I do, but find yourself something fun to do that cheers you up. What makes you happy? Spending time with friends and family? Going shopping for food and cooking a new recipe that you've never tried before? The main thing is you have to do it for yourself. In short, do something you haven't done in a while or something you have never done before.Now... the "Hygiene" companies main source of income comes from people buying things because they feel guilty on the way they look. They prey on insecurity to make money. Seriously, don't give two craps on what these people think because at the end of the day, they don't care about you either (they just care about money).Trust me, You are not as flawed as you think. You'll be alright, but the first step to love yourself is to not care what others think...You got this.
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