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What is wrong with sex between brothers and sisters?

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2009) 36 Answers - (Newest, 2 December 2010)
A female United States age 22-25, *illy_girll writes:

Ok I know sex between brothers and sisters is considered wrong by most people. Why? I mean if they love each other and make sure they don't have any children, what is wrong with sharing that love physically?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010):

I don't find any mistake in the sexual relationship betweem brothers & sisters. Its just sharing each others physical love. U can go ahead :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010):

This is to wisdomgodessOC: Let me ask you this: are you upset that he's cheating, with any woman at all, or are you OK with him fucking other women and you're upset only because it's his sister? If it's the former, then you should just move on. But if cheating is OK with you and you're only upset about incest, I'd say that's not your problem. As long as he's nice to you and treats you well, the incest is between him and his sister and you shouldn't waste your mental energy getting worked up over it. Brother-sister sex does happen. I know a 19 yr old girl who was doing her 32-yr old brother at age 15, and a 30 yr old whose brother forced himself upon her and still does a few times a year, but she cares too much about him to accuse him of rape. It's not your or my job to save the world from incest. Relax and get on with your life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010):

I think there is no wrong practically unless they beget children.If they get children they won't be healthy.Further for social purposes it should not be leaked out.Further unity between them also increases.The main advantage is that they can concentrate more on their studies or other work instead of always thinking about sex before marriage.In general in many cases oral sex between brother and sister prevails.when such is the case enjoying sex physically by brother and sister at their young and ripened age is no harm.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010):

Brother sister mother son father daughter I suppose we could throw in uncles and aunts least I forget cousins do I care if they do know do I think it is wrong no should religious morality prevail in these matters no should there be laws to prevent this no I do believe however that your religious or righteous and the perverts who make the laws need therapy big time.

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A male reader, shiv2010 India +, writes (4 September 2010):

k... good

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A female reader, ashley101 United States +, writes (20 August 2010):

It is not wrong at all. In fact i have a friend like that. They love each other and no body should judge them because of what family there raised in. There two completly different people with the same DNA.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010):

I personally feel making love to your brother or sister is wrong as loving your brother or sister is a different kind of love to the love you have with a boyfriend or girlfriend!

Although I can see why people would wanna have that sort of relationship.. They've know each other all their lives have so many memories together, have learnt to leave with the good & bad side of that person!

I think there's just a very fine line between loving your sibling & a boyfriend/girlfriend!

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A female reader, wisdomgoddessOC United States +, writes (9 March 2010):

I have witnessed with my own eyes the man I love caught in the act of having sexual intercourse with his sister. Its been 2 years since this happened and I still have a hard time understanding it. I'll try to make this as short as possible but there's much to tell and I'm really desperate for some clarity of any kind to help me come to terms with the affect this has had on me... I'm 30 years old and have had many failed relationships when I met my bf I really thought I had met my one and only. Within weeks we were head over heals and the passion we shared was more intense than anything I had ever experienced it was only 2 months before I moved in with him. He was going through a divorce and had a son and I was also divorced with 2 boys so it seemed like it was meant to be and I thought because of our circumstances, all was perfect. Within a month of me moving in he invited his sister over for dinner to introduce me. We had dinner a few drinks and I went to bed early cause I had to work early the next morning. I woke up around 2am he wasnt in bed yet as I walked out to the living room he was walking towards me saying he was just finishing his drink and coming to bed soon they had just been talking catching up cause they hadnt talked in a while. So I went back to bed but could fall back asleep. I felt in my gut something wasnt right. I thought I was hearign things and just had weird thoughts going through my head. Almost 2 hours later he still hadnt came to bed so I got up and couldnt find him. I opened the room to the kids room (they were not home thank god) to find him on top of her covered with a blanket. His sister had her hands over her breasts and looked back at me. I didnt say anything, I didnt know how to react and I just closed the door. I grabbed my car keys and got half way down the street as sudden rage just grew inside me and I turned aroudn and went back to the house. By the time I got to the door I was yelling "What the fuck is going on" "How long has this been happening" "Whats wrong with him" "How could he fuck his sister" she could not look me in the face as I yelled at her for how sick her mind was and to get out of my house. She looked at the groudn and quickly grabbed her stuff and left. I broke down into tears as he stood there still naked acting stunned like he didnt know what had happened. He swore to me that this had never happened before and blammed it on the alcohol. As a fool I forgave him and wanted to believe him. I told him he was never to contact her and she would never be apart of our life which he agreed.. He even emailed her asking her to send me an email to help me have some closure to understand this was a big mistake and hadnt happened before. She never emailed me... I try to forget as much as possible but over the 2 years of our relationship more things have surfaced like his obsession with watching porn and how sexual in general he really is. I love him with all my heart and I've never felt the passion we share with anyone else. He has opened a sexual side in me that I have not been able to do with anyone... and I was married before and have had many sexual partners. But our relationship has struggled through so much because of this. What is wrong with him? The first few months were extremely hard. I told everyone; my friends, his friends, my family. I needed to talk about it cause I just couldnt understand it. How could he love me so much and do that so early in our beautiful relationship as I was asleep in the next room???? I thought by me accepting him and still trying to love him it would make me look like a good person and ultimately show how much love I had for him. Instead I feel like people think I'm weak and pathetic for choosing to stay with someone who I caught sleeping with his sister. Will I ever be able to put this past me? Is there some deep sickness beyond anything I can ever understand? Does he know he's sick or does he think he's normal?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010):

Alot of people like to judge others on things like this.

I would likek to say before i give my opinion that im not religeos and I dont like telling people how to live.

I do feel that it isnt healthy. The reason isnt legal or moral or any of that.

Its simply this: there are many types of relationships, only one type is sexual. Believe it or not but the other realtionships are just as important. You need friends, family and acquantinces in your life as well as a lover.

People who only have lovers tend to be alone alot and dont really have anyone they can hare their feelings and thoughts with. My sister is someone I can chat to and complain about my gf's lol. I need her to be that and she needs to have her life too.

I think that when siblings become intimate that they are really taking an easy option rather than going out and meeting people. Also I bet when you get a real bf and he gets a real gf, you both wont be comfortable with what you have been doing

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A male reader, nial Mauritius +, writes (5 March 2010):

Though i accept other's opinion,personally ,i do not not see anything bad about sexual relationship between sisters/brothers and nephew/aunts and uncles /nieces provided that there is mutual agreement between both parties and no regrets thereafter.problems may arise when one party is forced to have intercourse or other body touchings.it is also not recommended to have children.For those who accept,they should consider the other one as EITHER A MAN OR WOMAN!!I think if love exists between the 2,I would consider it as THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LOVE!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010):

My sister and I were really close to each other in age and in spirit growing up. Our family was terrific, but our parents were a little emotionally cold and very religiously conservative --which was probably partly why it was so liberating when we started fooling around when 12 and 13. There was a lot of cuddling in increasing degrees of undress for several months that led to more intimate and terrific moments. We were close to consumating but were very very fearful of spiritual and emotional consequences, so we stopped "fooling around" and never spoke of it again at around 14. From that point on she was furiously jealous of my girlfriends and was not at all pleased in my choice of spouse. Fast forward 20+ years and we live on different continents and drifted apart a bit after our later teens. She is strong, successful, forthright and hilarious. We're a lot less conservative now and on many levels more at ease with each other, even though we've never spoken of those times. I always felt before and to this day we were always perfect soulmates and there is a hole in my heart that we drifted apart. To answer the question, I have come full circle since I was scared and younger, and feel that there is no harm at all in sex between brothers and sisters IF the emotional health and bond is strong, and they are soulmates. I wished at some point we did have sex together -- I suppose it might not be too late.

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A female reader, oproombabe United States +, writes (11 February 2010):

I was always very close to my brothers as long as I can remember. I had some medical problems at birth and had a difficult time gaining weight all through my school years. It was obvious to me during my middle school years that I would never had any type of build like the other girls - I was a stick at twelve and weighted 78 pounds. I received hormone shots that did little but bring on a sex drive I had trouble dealing with at home. Boys just laughed and ignored me whenever I started to talk to them, which just added to my growing mental picture of myself. We had to move to another town for my dad's job and I shared a room with my fifteen year old brother. Over a short time, one thing led to another and I just kissed him one night before bed. Before too long, we slept in the same bed when we thought we could get away with it. I felt so good when he held me that it was a natural step (for me) to go all the way with him one winter night. From then on, we did it as often as we could until he went into the service. My parents never caught on, but his love and attention was just what I needed and I began to think a lot better of myself all through high school. I still don't have a "build", but I have a happy life, thanks to his attention to me, so I have no regrets at all having sex with my older brother. In fact, I miss his gentleness a lot these days.

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A male reader, NoRegrets United States +, writes (16 January 2010):

I have had sex with one of my sisters.This went on for years up until I joined the military.During my years away it was as if my mind blocked out that fact and I was even shocked a few times when she tried to initiate sex with me.For the longest time I still had no clue we had sex but she was and is my top fantasy.We drifted away over the years and one day out of the blue she messaged me and we talked about it.Slowly small flashbacks started returning to me of our young relationship.Ours wasnt just sex.I recall us holding hands and kissing.We started out just holding each other and eventually with penetration but still only cuddling while in her.I now remember all the details.Our first time,sneaking to my room whenever possible.We even had sex outside on a picnic once because we couldnt get some alone time in the house.I truly believe her and I had fallen in love.We had even made plans of running away with each other just to be together.Although I know the Bible states this is wrong and the govt says it is illegal,I have never been able to forget about her since it all came back and think my time with her was the only real love I had ever had.Every few years we may talk now.It's very rare now though because her feelings are the same as mine and we both are trying to steer away from this.When we do talk our conversation eventually leads to sex either past or making plans for another time together thus the no communication.I am torn between how things are.On one hand I know we are doing the right thing by staying away but on the other I wish we could be with each other again.By the way this has been going on for about 35 years now.

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A female reader, White Rabbit United States +, writes (19 August 2009):

The question you ask can only be answered as; In most incidences it is openly socially unacceptable. But behind closed doors?

Universtiy studies have found that 29-32 percent of the population had a incestual experiance. These studies indicate that about 98% of all incest is between sisters and brothers of about the same age. A further study by Floyd Martinson, found that 10-15 percent of college students have sexual experiences with a brother or sister. With only 5-10 percent of those included intercourse. It is thought that most of these experiances probably represent a form of sexual curiosity and experimentation.

Don't misunderstand there is still incestual rape and other forms of abuse. In such cases there can be permanent damaging effects both emotionally, socially and mentally.

But the myths of incest being rare and causing birth defects is going out the window. As far as bith defects are concerned this belief has been held throughout centuries, without documented proof and often unjustly condemming families. Though if a defect existed of course it would be more likely to occur if it was common in both parents lineage.

Furthermore, brining the emotion of a romatic relation between family ties is not typically enduring. nthough there have been cases of brother and sister being allowed to be married, though their identities were not known until after the marriage. If you google it you will find this occured in Sweden, Germany and the US, not 3rd world countries.

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A male reader, Aryan710 India +, writes (23 June 2009):

Ridiculous...hey dnt talk abt adam n eve's..go n read history!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009):

There's something called the Westermark effect where children that grew up together in the same family are simply not sexually attracted to one another. It's a result of evolution where siblings that reproduce would have unhealthy offspring more likely to die before sexual maturity, and unrelated couples that reproduce are more likely to have healthy offspring that in turn produce their own offspring. The effect has been shown among unrelated children that grew up together. For example, kids that lived and learned together in Kibbutzes (where children lived in children's houses and not with their parents) rarely marry; also in a part of China where girls were married off to boys at very young ages and went to live with their future husband's family (and be brought up by them), those marriages rarely succeeded - the couples just didn't want to have sex as they felt like brother and sister. It is known, however, that siblings that grow up not knowing each other, and meet in adulthood, can be attracted to one another.

Equating incest with homosexuality is misguided to say the least. Incest has wide negative effects: it will be very difficult for sexually involved siblings to maintain a normal sibling relationship. They can't "break up", they will always be in each other's lives. Homosexual couples can break up.

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A female reader, Kristinap United States +, writes (9 June 2009):

Hi, I am assisting an author find interviews for his upcoming book "Americans Love" - exploring the different kinds of love relationships that exist in America. If you are in love with your brother or sister and are open enough to talk about it, please e-mail me asap at [email address blocked]. Thank you!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009):

well .. i am staying away from my sister from the last 3 years but i still fanticise about her .. i cant help it .. it is not simple to force my self into not indulgin into any kind of sick stuff but if i meet her i cant help my self .. it is too much .. why should i bound my feeling just becuase some fucks thing what m i doing is totally wrong .. what the hell in the world will change if i did it .. if i needed help doctors would have given but they cant say anything more than i am obsessive .. but 2 years of medication cant fix that .. what else .. sex .. i have had sex even with prostitutes .. what else i am to to .. even fucking my gf bullock i see her face .. of course my sister is elder and we even watched porn together when we were like 18-n she 21 ...fuck u all who says it is disgusting

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009):

Good question. In fact, the same justifications that people use for accepting homosexuality could also be applied to incestuous relationships. If one is moral/illegal/wrong so is the other!! Are you asking because you are having sex with your brother or just asking out of curiousity?

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A female reader, Olivia(Y). United Kingdom +, writes (30 May 2009):

Olivia(Y). agony auntThis is talking about having sex with your sibling.

It is a BIGGG Sin in the eyes of God and also breaking the law.

It is wrong, your not ment to be attracted to your siblings.. Think of what your parents would think if they found out, how it would destroy the family. Think of boing caught having sex with a boyfriend/Girlfriend by your parents, Then think of being caught having sex with your Brother/Siter by your parents. Its going to be 10 times worse.

Don't do anything about your fantasy. I would in fact see a counciler.

If you accidently get your sibling pregnant then the child has a higher possiblity being deformed and think of how badly the child will get bullied if anyone finds out who her parents are, not being mean or anything but children will find any reasons to be horrible to each other.

Please seek help from a local counciler.

Livia

x

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A male reader, steaknife United States +, writes (28 May 2009):

I guess here I must disagree with the moral majority here.

Although yes by law it is illegal, and religion also discards it as well to be sin. maybe that is why I am not much of a religious person. I come to my own conclusions instead of having a book make them for me.

First off, between two consenting adults it is considered legal for them to have intercourse. I ask, why should there be any difference if those same two consenting adults are relatives.

Secondly, if you and your sibling have intercourse and take as much precaution as possible; meaning birth control pill, male condom, and female condom, what would it matter?

Lastly, this one is mainly rhetorical. Why is it that some religious people must force their beliefs upon others if they differ in opinion and it considered okay, but if if a person who holds a different opinion, as in this situation, they understand that it is a personal choice and only should be between them and god, not with any other person?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009):

It really is definitely not right to engage in any sort of sexual activity with your brother!!! It's completely illegal, for good reason.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009):

Its not wrong by some people but in the eyes of the law it is very very wrong. I really hope for your own sake you have not persued these feelings, they are unhealthy and immoral. If you thinking about this thn please speak to someone professional who can help you deal with the feelings. I wish you the best of luck and hope you see sense

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009):

INCEST!!!!!! Its not just considered being wrong it is wrong by law. Please think about what you are saying you have to agree that this is unatural

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A female reader, love-struckxo Canada +, writes (20 May 2009):

love-struckxo agony auntHow could you not be totally digusted with yourself,

if you became sexually active with a sibling?

Just the thought itself makes me stomach twist and turn.

Therapy? Counseling? you need something.

DO NOT GO BEYOND YOUR FANTASY WITH THIS ONE.

I REPEAT, DO NOT.

There are MANY MANY males out there. This is one of those times when you say 'not even if you were the last guy on earth...'

God Bless you Child.

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A female reader, misswalston United States +, writes (19 May 2009):

misswalston agony auntOkay, bottom line. The ones that answered that it was okay to have a sexual attraction to your siblings, NO IT IS NOT OKAY!!!!! Please do not encourage that. Jilly, no sweetheart, there are other people for you to become sexually attractive to besides your brother. Please talk to someone professionally if this doesn't help. It is a sin.......

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009):

If by accident one falls pregnant, the child is 91.5 perccent more likely to inherit any genetic diseases (yes plural) that that family carries!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (18 May 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntLet me guess...West Virginia, right?

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A female reader, Mushgirl United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2009):

Mushgirl agony auntI think it's fine to have sex with your sibling, BUT - I don't agree with siblings having kids together as it could cause inbreeding and damage to the child. But I agree with you, personally I can't imagine fancying my sister but so what if I did? I don't believe that something can be 'just wrong', as so many 'taboo' subjects are described. I believe things are 'wrong' if they are causing harm to someone.

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A male reader, the_phoenic United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2009):

many people do have sexual attraction to their siblings

brothers having crush on their sisters or vice versa

but aslong as it is just fantasy and some teasing and flirting it is ok,

but if it evolved to something more serious it could be a very dangerous area and it might cause allot of unnecassary trouble..

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A male reader, Harry Castle United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2009):

Harry Castle agony auntGinseng, I am effectively neutral on this issue too, but I have to say that I've rarely come across a more cogent and well-presented dissertation.

The poster should thank you.

Harry.

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntIt is wrong because the brother and sister would have to be sick in the head to even contemplate it! Its discusting!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

LazyGuy, you have made some reasonable points, however your comment does not answer the original poster's question. All you've said is that it is up to common "society to protect those who cannot protect themselves." This comment does not actually address the question, but only applies a 'righteous guardian' to any situation that falls into that ideal.

There may be cases in incestuous relationships, that there is a 'hierarchy' of authority and dependence. However, that same belief is shared across all types of relationships, even ones that are deemed equal or near-equal.

Let's take a look at a 'standard' relationship between a man and a woman unrelated by blood. A man and a woman rendezvous for a no-strings attached sexual encounter. It is highly possible either the man or the woman has more authority over the other. Yet, their sexual encounter is deemed 'normal' and 'acceptable', because they are two consenting people who has a desire to be fulfilled, regardless of whether one has more control or not.

The 'problem' with incest in common society is the source of the definition itself.

Morality is created through two positions. The first is religious morality, where morals are based from the ideals of a god or gods and backed up by scripture and interpretations. The second is social morality, where morals are defined and refined as social standards come and go through an intricate filtering process over the lifespan of the community itself.

With that in place, we find out eventually that what is unacceptable now, may not necessarily be unacceptable in the future. Of course, what is unacceptable is generalized by the majority and the shades that expand out towards the minority follow suit.

What 'should' or 'should not' be differentiated is unfortunately not personal. It's like the laws of a country is meant to uphold a generalized rule of conduct, but does not necessarily 'protect' the rights and freedoms of an individual.

As we look at incestuous relationships, there are indeed a minority that have these sort of feelings, to their varying degrees and layers. Having a generalized rule of conduct that goes against incestuous relationships, it calms the majority view, while suppressing the minorities.

Indeed, we can assume we are doing a good deed for protecting the 'innocent' or those 'being taken advantage of'. However, it doesn't take a person of the law to know that this 'protection' really only protects the idea of a greater good, while silencing those who do not fit into this generalized protection.

For clarity sakes, I am neither for or against incestuous relationships. I am quite indifferent to this matter.

Ultimately, the 'best' way of looking at incestuous relationships is coming up with 'for' and 'against' factors, then come to some form of conclusion that you can accept. When I say "for and against", I do not mean insulting factors. An 'insulting factor' would be along the lines of saying "Because he is sick and he likes to be sick" - that would be an insulting factor. People should look at this more objectively, even if it goes against your personal morals, ethics and principles.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (17 May 2009):

LazyGuy agony auntPower and the abuse of it. Siblings live in a power hierachy. The oldest is often both a role-model and babysitter of the younger siblings. How then can they enter a relationship in which both are equal? My little sister was often told to listen to me if I was supposed to take care of her. Given that instruction by my parents, if I then asked her for sex, would she be doing that of her own free will or because she was told to obey? Or for that matter the other way around.

You might as well argue what is wrong with student-teacher relationships. If one person is dependent on the other, then there can be no equality, no free-choice.

I am extremly liberal, I fundementally believe that if you wish to be free in your choices, you should let others be free in theirs. What two independent adults do, is really none of my business if they hurt no-one else. But in most incest case that is just happening. Liberal or not, society must protect those who cannot protect themselves.

To me that includes a stance against incest. Sure you could probably argue to me that two fully grown and independent family members could make a free choice, but I would always wonder why these two felt the need to turn their love sexual and not find someone else. That two siblings would feel the need to express sibling love in this way raises alarm bells for me.

There are to many cases known of parent-child incest in which the child is an active participant because they feel that this is the only way they can get affection. Why do you feel it necessary to express your love for a sibling through sex? That just doesn't sit right with me and I think most would agree. Family love should be different from partner love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

Are you both adults? over 18? no make that 21. If so, then what you do is your business as long as you don't make babies that my tax money would have to later on pay his/her special ed classes all because you wanted to have a thing with your brother...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

You are talking about love you feel for a sibling and sexual attraction - sexual love which is different. It is rare to feel sexual attraction for a sibling. Of course you can be objective about it and know that you have a good looking sister or brother but its not something you would feel like doing something about physically. In many countries incest is wrong and illegal for medical and moral reasons. You don't explain in your post why you ask such a thing? Are you considering this for yourself?

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