A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I when I was 24yrs old I was in a long term relationship with a man that was very verbally abusice- controlling and manipulatin. The last year of my relationship with him he broke up with me and then essentially came back and begged for me to be back with him - as I was about to try it one last time with my ex I was also finishing up grad school- in one of my last classes that I took I noticed one of the adjunct llecture professors- this was a spiritual journey class where my thesis was to look inwards and figure out what path I wanted to take in my career. As the class progressed and I started dug deeper I started noticing the adjunct professor 'more - his words started to make me feel- in one of the sessions I had I was trying to explain the difficulty I was coming across trying to communicate with my friends and family and he basically could finish my sentence. At that moment I started to develop a crush on him- I understand the man was doing his job and here I was this little girl in school but it was enough to make me leave the relationship I was in as abusive as it was and search for somethjng like this. 7 years later and another similar bf that just treated me the same I still think about that possible fantasy. When I feel really lonely at night I think of finding someone that could maybe look at me or maybe understand enough to finish my sentence. The last man I was with treated me just as bad and one of the night I was laying in bed crying I thought of the professor - the idea of him always comes in my head when I'm lonely. Have I gone mad with this fantasy? I realize I never knew this man and obviously he was doing his job but for whatever reason I always go back to that class. I'm a grown woman - I'm 31 but when I think of that time I think of such excitement such hope and now sitting in my bed alone again after another man treated me so bad and broke my heart I think of it- is this old feeling trying to tell me something? It always comes as a comfort blanket when I'm sad. I never say these things out loud cause I'm embarrassed - akmetiems I think this is just a fantasy a man that can pay attention and read you and notice u probably doesn't exist- help!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2016):
 I think it is trying to tell you that you can be strong and move on from this failed relationship as well. This professor helped you realize that you did not need to be with this guy when you where younger, he allowed you to have strength and courage to leave him, now you are going through this again he is reminding you off that strength and courage.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 October 2016):
 It's hard to say. One thing can be that you are hoping for some sort of rescue from this "bad BF" by another man. Back when you were in your 20's having a crush on a smart and well-educated man made you break off (on your own) from an abusive relationship. While YOU did the action of ending it with Abusive BF #1 in your mind you made this "adjunct lecturer professor" into your knight in shining armor and the "perfect man" - all because you had little experience with men.
A fantasy can't HURT you.
So you put this professor up on a pedestal and 7 years later you have dusted him off because you have found yourself in another crappy, unfulfilling and abusive relationship.
Maybe you need to spend more time looking INWARDS, to find out who now TWO of the men you have dated have been abusive men who treat you like crap. WHAT is it within you that either ignores the red flags initially, is attracted to these "asshole types", or hide in an old fantasy when the reality is shitty.
Honestly? Escapism is normal, up to a point. And I think this professor is yours. However, he IS a fantasy - but there ARE good men out there who aren't.
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