A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well heres the situation that I need advice on to see if im in the wrong on this one or not. Ive been in a relationship with this guy for over 5 years now. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship does. But the main concern I was hit with today was when I got home from being at my sisters house to see my boyfriend has been drinking to the point of being buzzed while he has his young kids to watch over. I have kids, and I know how accidents can happen in the blink of an eye. So I told him that I can understand maybe having 1-3 drinks throughout the whole day. But not get messed up when your responsible for younger kids. He got BEYOND upset with me yelling and giving me attitude due to him "assuming" that I was bitching/nagging at him to create a problem. When in reality, I was honestly giving him caring advice to look out for him. He passed out before his kids were even tucked in to go to sleep for the night. I had to tuck them in instead telling them that "Im sorry your daddy fell asleep. So im tucking you tonight". I already know how its going to go tomorrow morning. Hes going to wake up and realize he passed out when he told me he would tuck his kids in the night before to realize he passed out due to too much drinking instead. He will feel bad, apologize, and say he doesnt know why he drinks as much as he does, that he should slow down on his drinking and try to "kiss and make up" for all the hurtful words he yelled at me before he passed out. He seriously needs to grow the hell up and realize that im not here to cause problems/fights Ive been here to try to help him out and give him the best advice I can to look out for him. Ive been telling him this for years but he still to this very day assumes that im just "trying to tell him what to do" like a mother figure to him. When thats not the truth whatsoever. What is there that I can do/say that will get him to wake the freak up out of this angry hostile mood hes been holding onto for a good 3-4 years towards me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2018): You need to wake up! you are a kind person and you are trying to rescue him, rescue his kids, he is a fallen man and is going to take you down with him, if he hasn't already.
You know the script as he also knows the script, repeated abuse time and time again, wearing at the very core of you, his children, your children and himself.
Write a new script and save your life, only he and he alone can change his.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 September 2018):
 He is an alcoholic, and nothing you can say or do is going to change that. It amazes me that you have put up with this for so long. He blames you so that he can make an excuse as to why he is drinking while in charge off innocent children. Honestly if he hasn't changed at this stage he is not going to. I wouldn't still be with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2018): Doesn't sound like an angry hostile mood to me , it sounds like alcoholism . There is nothing s, read that again NOTHING you can do to help him until he is ready to help himself .The worrying thing is that he is placing his children in danger . Does the mother know . I strangely suggest having a quiet word to her . Then as for yoh I wood let him know that you simply won't live with an alcoholic anymore and either he gets serious help orYour leaving . Give him 48 hours to implement help and LEAVE if he doesn't . If there is ANY chance he may be violent or had been in the past you should leave first without any delay and ensure you have support . I wouldn't even engage in any discussion on his alcoholism if there's any chance of violence You mention your a mother . Where are your children ? Are they witnessing this ? Your and their safety and the safety of the other children should be the priority here
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2018): "We have had our ups and downs like any relationship does."
Typical DC-speak indicating a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship. Mature, stable couples do not have "ups and downs" and whatever minor disagreements they may have are quickly resolved in an atmosphere of mutual consideration and respect.
"What is there that I can do/say that will get him to wake the freak up out of this angry hostile mood hes been holding onto for a good 3-4 years towards me?"
Nothing. You can't "get" anyone to do anything s/he would not be otherwise inclined to do.
What is there that anyone can do/say that will get you to wake the freak up and dump him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2018): I know why he drinks so much and surely you must know too. He's an alcoholic. You can talk, help and advise him until you're blue in the face, but he's not going to change unless he recognizes this fact. I ought to know because I was married to one.
Why on earth are you staying with an angry hostile alcoholic. This is not a good atmosphere for you or your children. Kick him out.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (2 September 2018):
 What is there to do? How about walk away? Why would you put up with this for 4 years?
Does it sound like he’s going to change any time soon? You’ve allowed him to behave this way for so long so why would anything pan out differently in future? What kind of bum drinks until they pass out in front of their kids? What a joke this guy is. Get out and find someone who you don’t need to look after, why waste your life trying to change someone that doesn’t want to?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2018):
 Why are you still with him if he has had "angry hostile mood hes been holding onto for a good 3-4 years" ?
Why put up with that shit for so long?
He OBVIOUSLY is not going to change, so really the ball is in your court. Id his behavior acceptable OR not?
I also DO NOT believe you should have these conversations in front of his kids (or within earshot of them) but save that conversation until 1. he is sober and 2. the kids have gone home...
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