A
female
 ,
*charlottex
writes:Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read. As alot of agony aunts on here are in successful relationships I'd like to pick some minds about this topic. What IS the secret to a successful relationship? I've seen alot of relationships where the female likes the male more than he seems to like her, and alot where the male likes the female more, the problem is though in the former the females seem to push their male partners away, but in the latter the males tend to become passive in order to please and in this instance I've seen the males end up cheating on their partners. So which one is best? female's liking the males more or males liking females more when in a relationship?We all know that communication is key in a relationship, but at the start of it is it better for females to play hard to get? Or should we not play games at all and wear our hearts on our sleeves?Do you think you can ever really have an equal relationship where you both feel the exact amount of emotion for one another?What makes a relationship work? The simplest answer is communication, trust etc. But alot of "relationship help" books tell us women to play games, to pretend we don't care when we do.So What is the secret of a successful relationship?Thank you for any responses Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Diana78  +, writes (28 October 2009):
I agree with everyone, that this is truly a great question. I came here looking for an answer, even though I have my own opinion, in which I am going to share.
A successful relationship always develops on communication. Many couples play "20 questions" in the beginning trying to get to know one another. Which is wonderful... It worked for me! But thats just the beginning. After communication there is trust/loyalty, honesty/openess. If you dont feel comfortable expressing your past honesty (thing youve done in the past (good and bad), present honesty (daily activites) and future honesty (future plans, career goals etc) with your significant other, it will never work. An example, I was dating this guy and I expressed my "future honesty" with him, he laughed at me. I lost all respect for him at that moment. I tried to over look it, but it kept replaying in my mind for 2 months. I want a man who is going to support me "emotionally". Not shoot me down!
With this, there are other Essintial Emotional Needs. Admiration, affection, Sexual fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, physical attractiveness, financial support, domestic support, and family commitment. Of course conversation, along with honesty and openness is in there as well. It is important that you find out what your partners "MOST IMPORTANT" emotional needs are, and meet them! Gauranteed successful relationship. If someone walked up to you and said.... " I have everything you need to know, to GAURANTEE you will have a successful, happy, life long relationship... would you believe them? Of course not! I didn't, but I was willing to read what he had to offer! HE WAS RIGHT!!! Everything I have read has played true and WE are in a happy, stable, successful relationship. The pages and pages and pages of research he had done, always led back to the Most Important Emotional Needs... there is a questionaire online that you can print off and take, along with your partner, to determine which ones are YOUR emotional needs and YOUR PARTNERS... Start with that.... Good Luck!!
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 August 2009):
 The secret is to always try to keep things interesting. Try to keep some of the enthusiasm alive like when you dated. It is important to make the relationship strong and keep it one solid ground. The grass is not always greener on the other side. It's greenest where you water it ! I stress this point. Do not give your partner a reason to look elsewhere. Do not become complacent and take your partner for granted. Treat them like number one, through thick and thin. Make your partner your best friend.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (1 August 2009):
The secret is to always try to keep things interesting. Try to keep some of the enthusiasm alive like when you dated. It is important to make the relationship strong and keep it one solid ground. The grass is not always greener on the other side. It's greenest where you water it ! I stress this point. Do not give your partner a reason to look elsewhere. Do not become complacent and take your partner for granted. Treat them like number one, through thick and thin. Make your partner your best friend.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): the keys to a successfull relationship are the following
1-)understanding between two spouses
2-)aprreciation for the the good deeds and forgiveness for the bad ones
3-) sacrifice from both sides in the sake of the relation
4-)love
5-) a Healthy sexuall life
Good luck..
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (30 July 2009):
 This is just my opinion.
The key to making relationships work is for
the man to address the particular emotional needs of a woman
and for
the woman to address the particular emotional needs of a man
In my research I have come to beleive that when a woman's emotional needs are addressed she can and will feel everything from sexual attraction to the desire to have children of a particular man, and when a man's emotional needs are addressed, he will feel the desire to commit to a particular woman. (the man's desire for sex is usually a constant).
Although there are emotional needs are that dysfunctional and unique to each individual, I have identified a solid 10 emotional needs of men and women that when addressed in the right combination, and intensity for the individual to respond, that will create the feelings we identify ranging from attraction to deep love.
For a list of them you can visit this site, that has an introduction to my research:
http://www.franktalks.com/?content=frank_bio
At the heart of the women's emotional needs is the premise that a woman can either be a man's "mother" of his "lover". Addressing her emotional needs is akin to halting her mothering instinct.
At the heart of a man's emotional needs is the premise that he sees women as either an "ally" or an "enemy". Addressing his emotional needs makes him feel respected enough that he develops the bonding trust needed to be committed.
I have a number of books and CDs based on my personal research, and you can preview everything for free at:
http://www.franktalks.com/
The books have full chapter previews, and the CDs have 5-7 minute previews for downloading.
Hope this helps.
-Frank B Kermit
Seduction Relationship Expert
www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Wow, great question.
The secret to a successful relationship. Funny, I'm getting married and I've been asking EVERYONE, "what is your secret?", and everyone has a different answer. But through experience, questions, and a really great 4 year relationship now, here is my answer...:
Firstly, you got the two most important things, trust and communication. They seem obvious, but they take the most work! But secondly, I think that confidence is a big part. Confidence in yourself foremost, and in your relationship. And both of you need to work at making each other feel confident in each other! I think that space apart is necessary. Couples that think that being in a good relationship means that you're attached to the hip are sadly mistaken... you need your own time and space to do your own thing. Space makes you grow stronger and allows you to miss each other - that old saying, "distance makes the heart grow fonder" - true!
Having lots of adventure together, I think is important. Rolling with the punches of life, but not letting anger build up and communicating if something is bothering you. Always acting like new couples in your private life - a.k.a. keeping things new and spicy behind doors. Talking often, but appreciating the silences. Not feeling like you have to have everything in common, and remembering to always do the little things for each other. It never gets old seeing a post-it note on your steering wheel that says, "I love you", or "you look great today".
Being there for each other 100% and working through the rocky times. Always respecting each other and prioritizing the other. Realizing that things are not always going to be easy, but committing to things enough that the journey to happiness is worth it. But never compromise your core, never stay in a relationship that's unequal, abusive or uncomfortable.
I guess that would be my answer... turned out kind of long, but there ya go. Hope I helped, sweetness!!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (29 July 2009):
 Charlotte,
This is such a good question. First there is almost never a perfect match in desire. I was once told that marriage is not a 50/50 thing, but if both partners will give about 60% of the time things will work out. A successful relationship happens when the most important thing in each persons mind is the happiness of the other person. We tend to be selfish and look out for #1. When we learn that the best way to be happy ourselves is to make someone we love happy, we lose our "I" problems and see clearly. Playing games is ok to get a guys attention. We can be pretty dense (thick) at times. Just remember that as guys we aren't good at mind games (having to split our thinking between 2 heads). So don't let the game run too long, and feel free to stop and explain the rules every now and again. The basis of my 20+ year marriage was the day we met I told her, "I'm tired of games, I'm just going to tell you exactly how I feel" Every fight we have had was resolved by taking a drive just the two of us and talking it out. So Communication.
One other thing, Touch builds intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy, emotional and intellectual as well. I don't know why it works but it does. Back rubs, spooning, showering together, holding hands, whatever is appropriate to your current relationship. Don't miss a chance. This really works.
FA
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