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What is the right way to ask someone if...

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 July 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 July 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, *inkyFloya writes:

Okay, I'm female 14. I have this cousin a few months older than me. A few years ago when she was visiting this thing happened. I was outside and had decided to go back inside the house and then I heard giggling, so I went to the room it was coming from and my cousin was on my dad's lap. I assume he touched her. He did so to me as well and I really want to say something to her and hope we can end up crying together. How do begin a conversation about something like that with someone?

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A female reader, PinkyFloya United States +, writes (19 July 2009):

PinkyFloya is verified as being by the original poster of the question

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANSWERS! 3

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A female reader, Libra1963  +, writes (7 July 2009):

Libra1963 agony auntI agree with Nastasia. It is not appropriate. Speak to your cousion and ensure he does not do this again. If he dtries it with you tell him out straight that itis wrong and that you will tell your mother.

This is for your own good and well done for being so sensible to realise that it is wrong.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (7 July 2009):

natasia agony auntYou could just ask if she liked sitting on his lap, or something like that, to bring up the subject and see her reaction.

If this is what has happened, and your dad has unfortunately done this to both of you, I'm afraid you really do need to speak to someone about it, such as your mum. It is a really difficult thing, I know. Do you feel worried about it? Does it happen often? It really isn't in any way anything that your dad should be doing, and he needs to stop doing it immediately, and you need someone to talk to to help you come to terms with what has happened.

One of the hardest things, I guess, is that he is your dad, and someone who you have trusted. Sadly, in some way he has broken that trust. Some fathers do that, as, I imagine, do some mothers. Some fathers frighten their children, or confuse them, or hit them, or make them feel bad. And some fathers do what yours has done. It is all the same thing: crossing over a boundary that is absolutely forbidden. I can hear in your words that you feel this, you know that something bad has happened. Your dad very much shouldn't have done this, but that isn't your problem, or your fault - now you need two things: to be safe, and to talk to someone about how you feel. He is going to be your dad forever, so you need to work out a way of coping with what he's done.

You poor thing. Maybe the best thing is do what you think - talk to your cousin first, and then go from there. Your mum would want to know, though. Hey, remember you have TWO parents - for a very important reason: if one isn't doing their job properly, the other one can take over and provide double the love : )

nx

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A female reader, ugh101 United States +, writes (7 July 2009):

ugh101 agony auntIts hard to say because the subject may be rlly sensitive to her.

Start telling her about what he did to you, or maybe a story that you rmember from the visits that you remember, or maybe that day when you heard her giggle.

It all depends on the cousin and you...

Best of LuckXX

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A female reader, Jess1ca_1988 United States +, writes (7 July 2009):

wow that is a really hard situation, and unfortunatly alot of ppl go through it, so don't be afraid. U need to just ask her if anything has ever happend like somebody touching her, maybe she will open up to u and make sure she knows she is telling u in confidence so u wont tell anyone if she doesnt want u too. and u r wayyy too young to be goin through this alone so u need to tell someone that u trust like a friend

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