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What is the right age to start having sex?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 October 2007) 28 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, *hloe.c writes:

What age do you think people should start having sex? People i know still havent had sex yet but im not sure if that is better or should you start young?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008):

As an adult looking back on my life I have the following advice to give to the next generation.

I believe that everything should happen in due time and as nature intended. As soon as you develop an interest in the opposite sex you should by all means peruse it. Holding hands, touching, kissing in the dark, etc. are not only perfectly OK; they are essential for your mental development.

You should not have sex in your early teens, simply because you are not in control of your life. Even if you are mature enough to use birth control, and you know all there is to know about STDs the risks involved are too great. Society will issue a swift and brutal punishment if you are caught or god forbid get pregnant - and trust me, you will not be able to deal with the consequences.

Once you get into your mid teens however, when you are with your soul mate whom you trust absolutely, you both feel ready and the moment is right, than go for it. At some point abstinence becomes just an excuse for fear. Keep in mind however that although you might feel mature enough for relationships, you are not done growing. A person who is your perfect match at sixteen may be a totally different person a year or two later. Don’t count on those early relationships to last.

When you are 18 you are an adult, you should make your own decisions about sex and deal with the consequences. Be advised that this is not the age you want to get pregnant. Kids are very expensive; most people can not afford to have them until their late twenties.

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A female reader, disGRACEful United Kingdom +, writes (24 November 2007):

disGRACEful agony auntOk. Well you live in Britain so that means the age of consent for any sexual activity is 16. So by Law you shouldn't have sex before then because it is a criminal act.

However, sex is down to the individual. I strongly advise you not to just start having careless casual sex when you reach 16 just because its 'allowed'. Wait until you are in a committed relationship and its something you both want.

I've seen many friends get hurt by having casual relationships because they feel they need to be having sex to be 'accepted' as 'normal' teenagers.

Do what you feel is best and dont have sex before the age of 13/14. Your body just hasn't matured enough. DOnt let yourself be influenced by others and forced into something you might not want to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007):

I think you should only have sex when you are 20 and over. All people want to have sex young like one of my old friends at school who actually had sex at the age of 12 and fell pregnant. So wait for the right time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007):

I think you should only have sex when you are 20 and over. All people want to have sex young like one of my old friends at school who actually had sex at the age of 12 and fell pregnant. So wait for the right time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007):

Forget the idea that it's important to "get started" on sex at all. This is teenage B.S. that people are saying to justify their own actions or wants. Nothing more.

When you're a preschooler age, it seems VERY important to do things like getting potty-trained, using adult chairs, etc, right?

But looking back, was it really SO important to do these things as early as possible? Probably not. Of course you needed to do them at some point, but the sky wasn't gonna fall if you did them a few months later than another time.

It's the same with sex, except that sex has ALL KINDS of serious consequences that can ruin your life if you screw it up. There's a real incentive not to start too early.

Waiting until you're middle-aged to start sex isn't most people's best advice either. However eventually you're gonna look back on this age, and you'll probably think that starting sex at 14 or 15 didn't seem much smarter than starting it at 7 or 8. Most adults end up wishing they'd waited until they were nearly 20 or later when they're looking back.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

In the teen years we all dream about having sex, just like a big white god of an experience. Boys will gloat that they another notch on their belt and girls will be wondering what it was all about. The over enthusiastic male will we done in seconds and his partner will be left wondering. It is far better to learn to understand what you have both got to offer, learn about your feelings and the mechanisims already in place in both your bodies, learn about joint satisfaction and how to both reach a climax, not just the boy. Learn and take into account the affect of modern day STDs, and broken condoms, or forgetting to take the pill. SEX is for those who can rationally understand what sex is about and what it is for and to enjoy for many years, without a lifetime of problems. Just because your friend says she's doing it doesn't mean you have to too, there is nothing wrong with holding off until you are in your twenties and a little more mature and are in a meaningful relationship with someone who really loves & cares about you

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A female reader, lilgirly Lebanon +, writes (30 October 2007):

lilgirly agony aunthey, don't have sex before you get married!because that is the only person who you know that he doesn't want you just for sex and that is the only person you really loved so i say have sex as much as you want after you get married but before marriage don't even think about it..... bye

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A female reader, keepthefaith United States +, writes (29 October 2007):

the right time is not based on age... its totally about how you feel with the person... i just turned 18 a month ago and i am in love...me and my b/f have been dating for 6 months... we started having sex 4 months after we started going out wich i know some people wont agree with but... my first love was during my freshmen year of high school and we almost had sex but didnt because i did not feel comforatable when it came to that or anything really close to that... and it stayed that way after that relationship... but with my current b/f that all changed... i feel so comforatable with him and i never thought i could feel this comforatable with a guy... just wait till you find someone that changes your world and you know your going to be with them for the rest of your life that way you'll have no regrets and be happy...

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A male reader, Derekiniraq United States +, writes (28 October 2007):

Stop everyone!!!! Don't have sex unless it is someone you could see marrying. Have respect for yourself. And if you plan on getting married one day then have respect for your husband by the choices you make now. You are too young anyway to decide if it is right now. At your age you can't truly understand love. Don't have sex because you think it is time that is wrong. Have sex because you are in a commited relationship that you can see entering into marriage.

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A female reader, jodie United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2007):

jodie agony aunthey bbe! wen u feel the times right!!! yes there is a law but its weneva ur ready relli!!!!!!

make sure ur 100% sure u want sex be4 u do actually do it! but anway have fun! x me x

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A female reader, xoxAnonymous United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2007):

xoxAnonymous agony auntPersonally i think there isnt an 'right' age to be having sex. i think its when your good and ready and are with the right person, but its your choice in the end :) x

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A male reader, hmm... Norway +, writes (27 October 2007):

what age???? Come on! You can't decide it's 16, it's legal and now I'm gonna find somebody for sex.Look at circumstances. If you are drunk and are in the bed with somebody you met third time in your life then it would be catastrophy even if you are 20.

BUT! If you have a boyfriend who is careful, who understands you and is willing to take time then you should do it even if you are 13, 14.

One more thing! Don't hurry. Take time. Get to know your body. Get to know his body. Let him see you and touch you if it's his first time too. You touch him or masturbate each other first. That way you will establish more intimacy.

good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007):

I've met a lot of people who regretted having had sex too young, but never met any who regretted having waited (and the oldest of them lost their virginity at 26). That said, I am not going to tell you to wait if you are sure you are ready to have sex, but make sure you geniunely feel like you are ready. It sounds like an appalling cliche, but respect yourself (and trust your own judgment) and others will too.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007):

People say "wait until 16" but that's only because they don't realistically think you'll possibly wait any longer.

The truth is that most grownups looking back will wish they'd waited until they were almost 20, or even a few years into their 20s.

By the time you're an adult there's absoltely no more cool-ness or thrill or popularlity left in having a bunch of sex, espeically when it's not being done in meaningful relationships.

I'm sorry to be harsh about this, but YOU WILL NOT have a meaningful grownup relationship at 13-15. Usually not even 16 or 17 in most cases. I don't care how you & your peers think youall might feel at the time. (If you don't believe me, then just listen to the vast majority of men & women who are past that age looking back. This is the overwhelming feeling they usually have about their teenage relationships in retrospect, no matter how sure they all were about them at the time.)

By the time you're in your mid-20s, it's starting to get a lot more common for people to wish they'd had LESS sex overall, because of all the emotional baggage & health problems that it often brings.

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A female reader, xxbaybeegal United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2007):

xxbaybeegal agony auntwell as the law says wait till your over 16. your body isnt ready and you dont want to lose your virginity to someone who doesnt love you. if you have sex now you might regret it later. keep your virginity and give away to someone who loves and cherishes when your ove 16.

xxjen

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A male reader, dapone 1 United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2007):

dapone 1 agony aunthi.

I think 16 is a good age to start a sexual relationship, any younger than that and your body and mind are out of balance, yes i now its a pain adults always telling you that your to young, but believe me they are right, at 16 your mind and body are ready to indulge in sexual matters and it would be safer and more enjoyable at sweet 16.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2007):

kenny agony auntLike most of the other aunts have said, when you get over 16 is probably the safest bet. When you get over this age it is then all down to when you feel ready to do it. Keep hold of your virginity for as long as possible, its a precious thing, and is not something that should be lost to any Tom Dick or Harry. Make your moment special, preferably to someone you love with all you heart.

Take care x

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A female reader, need help here i am United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2007):

i personally think you shoult have it until at least 16 as when you are older if you do it young you will regret it you should just wait until you have the perfect boy one you no you like a lot you should do it when ever your comfy just be careful and dont waste your first chance with an idiot

you make the decision its your body

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

When it is right for BOTH parties involved.

At your age alot of your friends and perhaps now you are curious about sex, but that does not mean it is time.

Having sex is a serious, serious step for anyone and it is something that you should only share with someone very very important in you life. It is not something you just do cause everyone else is doing it. Alot of young people also lie about what they are doing. Don't cave to peer pressure over something as important as this.

Just also remember that at your age boyfriends come and goe, one minuite they are the love of your life and you think they feel the same way, and then your dumped! If you have sex at your age without a serious relationship happening, you can't ever take it back. To be honest lots of young girls/women wonder if "I should" and later regret their decision and feel stink.

Sex is not something to play with. Sex is not to be taken lightly, especially when so young. It brings up emotions and feeling you will not be ready for. The reason I say this is that because you have the intelligence to ask the question of others - here means that your still not sure.

Having sex when your young is not good. It will do more damage than you think. Keep asking, but wait, please wait.

All sorts of things could happen, pregnancy - not good when your young - STD deseases - not good at any age - broken hearts because the guy doesn't really care about you in the way you think.

There is now hurry. Treat your virginity like a precious jewel, and remember when you have given it away you can't ever, ever get it back.

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A female reader, rockelle United States +, writes (26 October 2007):

rockelle agony auntEveryone is ready at a different age. When you are ready you will know. Sometimes our body thinks that we are ready but mentally and emotionally we are not. So before you decide to have any type of sexual relationship think about are you just physically ready, or are you ready mind, body, and soul. Sex is serious and most importantly sex is irreversable. Once you cross the line there is no going back.

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A female reader, melodaea United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2007):

melodaea agony auntWhen you're old enough legally and mentally.

I say this over and over again, but there's a reason the UK age of consent is 16. When you're that age and over, and in a committed (it is CRUCIAL that it is committed) relationship, and comfortable in yourself, only then will you be ready to have sex. There is no right time, only the right time for yourself. Good luck!

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A female reader, Aanonymous Portugal +, writes (26 October 2007):

Aanonymous agony auntyou should only start your sex life when you feel ready, without anyone pressuring you to. but not only that, but also when and only when you can have the responsability to act acordingly to the possible consequences of iniciating your sex life. Remember, unexpected things might happen: disease, kids, emocional stress - not only if you find out that you are not readdy, but also discrimination if you are mistaken about your partner, and he goes telling everybody, others wanting to take advantage on you and using you just for sex, etc. Think things through with your mind and heart. use contraception, talk to your partner. If he loves you, your partner will wait!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

16, I'm 18 now and I waited till I was 16 and don't regret it. Your in a better mind frame at that age

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

Honestly, I don't think anyone needs to be having sex before they're 18 years old. Every sexual encounter is the possible beginning of your life as a parent. There's not a 15 or 16 year old on this planet that is ready to have a child.

What's the rush? It's just sex. You can spend your entire life having sex. Believe me, enjoying your childhood and young-adulthood is more pleasureable than any amount of sex.

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A female reader, baybee-x-sparkii United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2007):

baybee-x-sparkii agony aunti wouldnt recommend much before 14 [i did that and it kinda screws you about] but remember that until 16 it is illegal...so it depends. if your in a loving long term relationship, you love tyour boyfriend just wait till the time is right

BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER THE CONTRACEPTION!

good luck

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

Over 16! And not a day before, why are kids these days in such a hurry, you have the rest of your lives and you are not properly developed until after 16 anyway. Make it a beautiful and loving experience with the right person, with contraception.

take care

xx

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A female reader, sexseahot United States +, writes (26 October 2007):

sexseahot agony auntYou start when you feel you are ready. People are all ready at different ages. Starting young isn't the best way to start, but some do. It just depends on the individual and if he/she feels they are ready and if they have found the right person to share those special moments with.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

Well hun, the law is to have sex when your 16 or over, and is there for a reason. You should definately not start young, as your body hasnt matured yet, and will probably be bad sex anyway! Take my advice, and dont let anyone push you into something you dont want to do.

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