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What is the most honourable thing to do?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2008)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello

I just started college this fall, and have been having issues fitting in with both the people at my institute. I find nothing appealing in getting drunk or high, or hooking up with random girls, or playing video games or staying up all night for no reason. And this is all my dorm mates do. It does not bother me, but I can't seem to find like-minded people. Do they even exist, somewhere at the edge of the bell curve? How do I find them.

Another issue is the girl I have been dating since last February. We went to separate institutions, and I am not quite sure what to do about us. We do not see each other often (both rather busy), and our contact is limited to a couple emails every few weeks. I really do love her (she is the only girl I have had real feelings for), and have no intention of cheating etc, but I am not sure of what to do to ensure her happiness. She is more outgoing than I am, and I know that she deserves someone more interesting and fun than me. What is the most honorable thing to do - break it off so she can find someone better, or try my best and see her once or twice a month?

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A female reader, katatonik United States +, writes (30 November 2008):

katatonik agony auntDon't sell yourself short thinking you aren't "interesting" and so on. Unless the girl you are currently dating expresses an interest in being free to date others, don't throw away a relationship with someone you say you love. If she feels anything similar for you, she'd probably be quite hurt by your suggestion.

As for your feeling of social detachment...try looking over a directory of clubs and organizations at your school. Find something you're interested in and try out a meeting. You'll at least know that everyone there has an interest in common with you, and that's a great starting point. Good luck =]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

Well in response to the second half of your post, you sound like a really nice guy. I myself am a really humorous person who jokes all the time and loves making people laugh. My boyfriend on the other hand is really quite and brainy. I like him because he's kind a sweet, it doesn't matter to me that He's not as humorous as I am (however we are both pleasant and likable people). You should never think your not good enough for someone just because you have different personalities. I mean if she didn't want you she'd probably would have licked you to the curb a long time ago. As far as the long distance thing goes, you might want to let that go and proceed in seeing other people. I mean, it doesn't sound like the two of you a having a very productive relationship, and aren't able to be there face to face for one another. But whatever you decide to do don't feel that you have to do it to "free" her from the "burden" of being your girlfriend. I mean you sound like you have your head on straight, and your priorities in order; there's a girl out there suitable and in need of you.

As far as the top half of your post goes YEEEEESSSS! There are other decent guys out there who you could be friends with you just have to find them. It helps to start traveling in the "circle" those people would be likely to be in. Something as simple as waking up in the morning believing you'll attract the right kind of people today can make a big difference (I've tried it myself). Don't give in to following the crowd in self destructive behavior that could ruin your future. Well that's what I have to give I hope it helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

hello,

i have to say you are not the only one like this,i was like that too and i know many other people who have been throught the same thing. be proud of what you are and show others what you have to offer and if you can't think of one then it's time to study yourself and get to know yourself. this makes it easier to blend in.(becoz ppl respect confident ppl and accept them) i'm sure you have that very special thing about you that could be very well appriciated by others.

and about your girl, all i have to say is to search your heart and if you really love her then never let go of her; btw this should be a mutual feeling otherwise you can seriously get hurt. all the best

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