A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure if I am confused or not. I have no experience at all with women, I am 26, the lady I am interested in is 32. She has had 2 relationships, 1 lasted 11 years, the other she says less than 1 year.We do have a very open friendship, we discuss a lot of things. She has told me about her relationships and why they never succeeded. I think she is also now in career mode as the 1st relationship she was dependent on her man who was 10 years older than her, so she has had to rebuild herself, very admirably so.Her second relationship lasted a year because despite him showing her physical love, he never did emotionally. She says it was a quick courtship.So my problem now comes that I think she knows I really like her, we used to talk daily on the phone, but maybe it affected her work so we do it sparingly now. To counter that, I have written her 3 emails and 3 hand written letters telling her how good she is and how i like her (never saying love), she hasn't really said anything about them, or maybe she is waiting to.She says she has built up walls to protect herself because of her past, I want to be patient and break them down, but at the moment, I tell her all my thoughts about her, praise her, and it feels like unrequited love. She doesn't say the same things back. When we meet, I am not very emotional, but I think i act like a gentleman and make her feel highly respected.I do send her morning and good night messages, so i am putting in effort.So what I would like to ask for help is, what more can i do? Should i ask her subtly where we are going? Should i move on...? (this isn't an option for me, she is very very nice) Do you think she is just not ready, because she may be heartbroken?I do worry because she says I am unique, yet dated the second guy who treated her badly, yet she chased for him until he ended it, yes he may have given her good sex (I am a virgin), she got into him quickly, yet not me, i am a little worried maybe i am not her type or good enough.
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male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 "3 hand written letters" I think this is great! I'm old fashioned and I like getting things I can touch instead of 'electronic' things.
"I tell her all my thoughts about her, praise her, and it feels like unrequited love." Are you sure you "love" her?
"What is my next step with this woman...???" . . . 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. I'm just one man but if I were you I'd continue to smile, be polite, answer her texts, calls etc. but now start letting her be the one to text, call you first. Based on what you've posted if you haven't heard from her at all in 'a day or two' send a quick funny face or smile or something light and fun because . . . "She says she has built up walls to protect herself because of her past, I want to be patient and break them down," humor goes a long way to breaking down these kinds of walls. I wish you all the best I think you'll do just fine!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 I dont think you should be worrying that there is something wrong with you as am sure there is not, everything you have said as told me that you treat this woman very good. My guess is that she has been hurt so much in the past that she has built up a wall and doesnt want to let anybody in to her heart again. It may be the fact that she does like you but she does not want to let herself fall for you.
The best thing you can do hear is just to ask her straight out what she thinks of you and where you stand with her. Tell her you really like her and would love to be with her but that you need to know where you stand with her. Explain to her that you know she has been hurt and if she needs time then you will give her that. But you do need to sit down and talk to her and see how she feels. It is your only option here. Goodluck and all the best.
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