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What is left to do safely without getting HPV?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 February 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 27 February 2014)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a a 31 year old female recently divorced and now dating again. Recently I got out of an almost year long relationship with a man, and I now test positive for HPV after my Pap Smear. Here is the situation: We did everything right, we both showed each other our STD screenings and we agreed that for a period of a few months we would stay monogamous to each other, so that we could have sex without a condom. My question: if HPV is something that apparently the majority of the sexually active population contracts at one time in their life, and if HPV cannot be tested for in men - meaning this guy had no idea he was infecting me so I can't blame him, we both thought we were being SAFE - and if HPV can be contracted cervically and orally, and if orally it can be contracted either through oral sex or kissing.... Then what in the world do I have left that I am able to do with a man SAFELY, without worrying about whether or not I will get cervical cancer or throat cancer? Is HPV something I should really worry about cancer from, or is that more hype than anything? What about cervical vs oral cancer? Is there a greater risk for one than the other? Basically, what is the deal with HPV? Would like some feedback from real people who are sexually active, instead of just the internet, and one doctor's opinion.

View related questions: condom, divorce, kissing, oral sex, period, std, the internet

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014):

OP follow up. I have decided I'm not going to do vaginal, oral, or anal sex without a condom, until if I'm ever in a serious long-term relationship in my life. Basically, the person I think I will spend many years of my life with. The above mentioned relationship was casual and mostly sexual, even though we tried to be safe. I am also not going to have oral sex performed on me until I have a serious relationship. Hand jobs only. I'm still going to kiss people. So this was my conclusion after this research. I don't feel comfortable putting myself at risk, because I am reading that cancer rates have been rising in recent years due to hpv. It is what it is, can't do nothing about it. Makes one give monogamy some very serious re-consideration.....

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (24 February 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOP a dental dam basically looks like a piece of saran wrap that is laid over the woman's genitalia when performing oral sex. the thought of licking plastic or having plastic on me for oral sex seems to defeat the purpose for me at least.

Personally for me as a former swinger and a free love advocate in the 70s I have had over 100 partners both male and female. Condoms were always used for swinging but never dental dams and never used anything for oral.

I have had to have my tonsils out... but I doubt that was related to my oral sex habits.

i have never had warts or any other issues other than the abnormal pap smears.

I think out of all the STDs you could worry about HPV is the least worrisome.

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A female reader, Atsweet1 United States +, writes (24 February 2014):

Atsweet1 agony auntIts always a risk in lovemaking sexual intercourse anytime even with marry people that don't have any stds on there results so to speak. I understand you issue and feeling first hand. I'm really more threatened by AIDs and HIV than HPV or herpers or any other STD/ STI. But I have proof and information that HPV is curable and can be clear so speak if dealt with aggressively with alternative medicine and change in diet also.

I read a article not to long ago about men being able to get it and alot of men where turning up with in mouth and throat cancer. To my understanding they were gay or bi men. The women I read about didn't have warts or symptoms until time for pap and results came back for it. I was in information class in 2009 2010 and the guy was like men dont get HPV. Which kinda made since to a point cause I know of a couple and the guy didn't seem to have it on he outside. And this couple I knew way back in 2007 before I even heard of HPV. Next I was feeling some type of way a started a investigation about hpv being passed in married couples that may or may not be monogamous. And to come find out from my thoughts and research it could be solely from the guy passed to the women. I look up certain things like anal fissues men in jail and men being rape and my conclusion was drawn from that. Its toxic and diseases can be eliminated feel.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014):

OP here - thank you for the feedback. I'm still not sure how I am going to handle myself in the future, but I am a little less alarmed. They say you should use a condom or dental dam (whatever that is) when doing oral sex on a guy, but honestly I don't even know anyone that has ever given or received oral sex that way. I especially in a monogamous relationship for almost a decade, would never have considered that oral sex had to be performed with that precaution, but maybe have to rethink, don't know... Any feedback on that aspect? As far as not kissing a guy to avoid oral hpv.... geez, if I can't even share a romantic kiss on a date ... what the heck is the point of even trying anymore ? =\P Wow.... a lot to think about....

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2014):

My advice is to speak to a doctor about this. No one here is medically qualified and any personal experiences anyone shares on the subject isn't going to accurate or necessarily right. Your health is important and you're right to have concerns and questions but see a doctor. That way you'll be able to put your mind at rest and come away with the facts and answers you desire.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 February 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with SVC, get tested once a year if you show abnormal cell and doctor suggest removing them, get it done. Be proactive.

With that said it's apparently VERY common. And you can't test for it (like you already know).

HPV was known to the Roman and Ancient Greeks - (the wart kind) Cancer have been around for centuries too. At least these days there are measures we can take to get rid of the "bad" cells.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (23 February 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntMore than likely I've had HPV at least once according to my doctor. He says my body has probably naturally 'cleared' it (after my procedures I'm sure)

I have had two abnormal PAP SMEARS over the years... both "cells consistent with HPV" but not saying I have HPV. I have had two LEEP procedures to remove said abnormal cells and I have had multiple clean PAP SMEARS in the last couple of years without abnormal ones. I still never relax.

I'm sure I have had HPV. I'm 54 and most women in my age range have had it or have it.

I never have curtailed any of my activity or partners.

Of course I'm very good about yearly pap smears and being very proactive should it show abnormal cells. I never have taken a "wait and see" attitude. I have abnormal cells, I'm having them removed.

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (23 February 2014):

From what I've heard, it's nearly impossible to really "tell" if you even have HPV (unless you get the strain that causes warts). I even got the stupid Gardasil shot and I still had an abnormal pap smear...my guess and my doctor's guess is that I might have HPV. There's a lot of different strains of HPV and only some of them cause warts or cancer.

Honestly, I think there's no point in worrying about it. You already have it and the majority of people also carry some form of Herpes. I'm not saying just go unprotected and put yourself at risk for whatever, because there are definite killers you also have to take into account that you can pass on HPV to a guy that might not have it.

Continue to be cautious of course because there's a lot of worse things you could get, but don't lose sleep over it because nearly everything seems to cause cancer and I personally think a lot of it is hype and has us worrying over essentially nothing because some things are just unavoidable unless you remain abstinent. Just maintain a healthy lifestyle otherwise.

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