A
female
age
22-25,
daisyb212
writes:will make this brief as really its a v long story! been dating my bf 10 months, in love etc, live together! he has a 9 yr old, split wi the mother when he was 2, seen her regularly weekends and hols! mother couldn't cope, 3 weeks ago literally dumped the kid on my bf and told him to get on wi it! we've sorted out school, she started this week, and filling in forms about money etc etc, anyway the mother suggested I MOVE OUT and she can come stay over and look after the kid when my bf needs to work or anything!!! and she can sleep in the girls bedroom! and she suggested she come stay for 2 weeks at xmas and new yr! my bf said this is never going to happen but she still banging on!! my bf is 31 i am 25! we both study full time and work 16 hours (2 days each a week)! we are managing fine between us and the little girl likes me (it was a shcok at first and yes we are still adjusting) but my question is what is the ex playing at? she has used the girl against my partner for years! i'm trying to stay calm and cool but i just find it unbelievable that a 31 yr old woman (and a teacher) can even suggest such a ridiculous idea! thank god my boyfriend is thinking about US and standing up for us! i think we are in for a tough time where the mother is concerned but i'm not gona let her come between us or cause tension! her comments worry my partner and really stress him out!!
View related questions:
his ex, money Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): Hi, well for a start, i just HATE exs!!! Ugh, they have been the bain of my life in the past. I am glad to hear that your bf is not going to tolerate her totally barmy ideas! At least you are united in that sense.
I'll tell you what her game is, she is trying to get him back. She thinks that if she can stay over and play happy families he will chose her over you. He sounds sensible but if he ever sways then let him know that you are not happy with the situation and you are not having her stay one second. Once she see that you two are solid she may back off, but do not be surprised if she changes her tactics and tries something else. They can be so bloody devious, i know, my last ex had the ex wife from hell! Dont let things get between you two either, any kind of rift and she will be picking that up and straight in there. Just laugh the silly bitch off and make sure that you are always there when she visits. I know you trust your bloke but never trust her, she will pull any trick she can. It is good the child likes you and you all get on, it could be a lot worse.
take care
xx
A
female
reader, Its_X_  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 Obviously this woman is extremely jealous of what you both have and what she doesn't. Her acts are desperate and she wants to break you both up and resume her old dominance. Don't let this woman get in your way. She is nothing compared to you. The fact that she is 31 and desperate enough to use her child as an excuse to cause tension is sad and stupid. She needs to learn that she isn't going to get what she wants, and never will with the way she's acting. What you need to do is have a group discussion and play it cool. Make sure when you all sit to talk that your boyfriend is sitting next to you or holding your hand to show that she isn't going to win in a nonchalant way. Talk about it calmly and tell her that what she wants does not work with your schedules and it is not acceptable. Tell her its not ok and she may not have what she wants. If she doesn't understand and bitches about it handle it calmly and use a cool tone if you snap at her. She might not let you two off easy but with a little teamwork she'll be gone eventually. Good Luck.
Love
X
...............................
A
female
reader, JaffaZ  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 Maybe the ex still has feelings for your boyfriend and wants an excuse to be around him more often...? Unless she just wants help raising the little girl, it must be hard doing it on her own. But I'd be careful if I were you - don't let her move in on your territory and tell you guys what to do. Perhaps if she has been using the girl against your partner, she has some kind of grudge against him and wants to make him feel guilty or something...
Don't let his ex ruin your lives; keep fighting to keep her at bay!
Good luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (24 October 2007):
 Seems like she's trying to get back together with him, by gradually moving in to push you out. Maybe if yall have the money, yall could move.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I read about the other problem you wrote about, about being a stepmom, sleeping in living room, roommate not able to move out til december etc and am sorry this seems to go from bad to worse.
My advice is to do what is best for the girl. The mother cannot keep mucking her around whatever her agenda. She has to put her first and needs telling this.
I am smelling that the girls mother is holding a candle for your partner and is trying all kinds of tricks to put a problem between you two.
I may be wrong, but be mindful and always think what is best for the kid. You are all adults but she is a child and has to come first. Stuff that happens to us at nine years old shapes the rest of our lives. How many people do you know as adults who have "issues" that can be clearly traced back to childhood?? Loads I bet so be mindful of that and this girls future.
...............................
|
