A
female
age
51-59,
*erycutemama
writes:I ended the relationship with a much younger man. It was a long distance relationship and we both travelled to see one another. He told me frequently that he was moving to where i live and seemed sincere. I then sent an sms to say that this move should take place soon and he then just started ignoring me. I have a lot to offer and he does have feelings for me, that I know. The last message i got from him said that he never meant to hurt me and that he loves me but has a lot on his mind and cant deal with everything right now. I do not know what this means as I had already told him that the relationship was over. What is he trying to tell me? Is he going to be back? Is he telling me that once he has sorted his problems out everything will be ok. I trusted him and he always raised the issue of this move. He also led me to believe that I was special. Im really confused as it has taken me many years to let this man into my space, which is something I do not do easily. Please help me because I dont want to believe that it is over and if he would talk to me it would make things so much easier. I did tell him he knew where to find me and that only he can make things right. Please help
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female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Hang in there and see what he says next time he gets in touch. You've apologised and held out an olive branch. Its up to him now to grab hold of it.
xxxxxx
A
female
reader, verycutemama +, writes (21 June 2007):
verycutemama is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there again and thank you for your acvice. After a lot of thinking about what has happened between Chris and I, I decided that we are both to blame and I took the courage to apologise. This is how my sms went "After thinking about what has happened in the last two weeks, I now know that I have hurt you. Im sorry. I was wrong.' Half an hour later I got this reply " You are not wrong. I didn't like to messages I was getting. Have a lot on my plate." I sent another message "Believe me when I say I was wrong. I should have been a whole lot more understanding. Im so sorry, Chris. I was insensitive and didnt realise it" So where does this leave me? Is he going to forgive? Bear in mind that for the last two weeks I have only received two sms's. Not sure what to think and would appreciate your input. I felt that perhaps opening the door would be good and Chris knows that I don't say sorry unless I truly mean it. Please let me know! Thank you. Love VCM
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (18 June 2007):
Ouch.
I'm really sorry its so tough for you.
I can understand you being nervous about ringing him, but living with the emotions you are at the moment are hurting you to. Isn't it better to know for sure than not know at all?
xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, verycutemama +, writes (17 June 2007):
verycutemama is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies.I wanted to expand a little on my first question and explain. I met Chris on a chatline and I eventually agreed to meet him. He was the one to initiate the romance and would travel 700kms to me frequently, although I paid for his travel tickets. I am a single mother of 3 kids with my own comapany. Im attractive and intelligent.I have spent a lot of time agonising over this relationship as Chris is only 27 and I am 42. He has had quite a dysfunctional upbringing but has managed to keep quite a good job, although in comparison to what I do it is worlds apart. I have helped him out financially over the last couple of months, but to no financial burden to myself. About a month ago he insisted that this move I have mentioned was what he wanted and again I have agonised over the upheaval this might have caused to my family. We have spoken about it many times and it all seemed to be going to happen. Two weeks ago I lost a friend in a car accident and it became clear to me that I, although in this relationship with Chris, am alone and that my need to be able to share with him was just not there. My heinous crime boiled down to the sms that I sent to say that I want him and need him in my life or I would rather be alone, because then I know where I stand. He then started ignoring me. Kept putting the phone down, no replies to sms. He was also meant to arrive here on Thursday as we had arranged just before I sent my sms and never arrived. Needless to say that having been ignored and no repsonse to any of the sms's I sent, I told him that it was over as i could not carry on this way. He then sent his sms to say that he cares and that he has a lot on his mind etc ending with an "OK". So Im not sure if he is asking me for the space that he needs or whether he is telling me that this is indeed over. I miss him so much and wish I could talk to him. I sent him an SMS in reply to his to say that "only you can make this right". I so want to be with him and I know that we have mutual feelings for one another, but where he comes with a lot of baggage, I come with a lot of responsibility. My whole world had been rocked by this sudden extreme change of events but I cant bring myself to pick up the phone as the rejection would just hurt too much.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (16 June 2007):
 I agree with Yummy. I think alot of the time people drift apart not because they feel any less for the person but because they run away from the situation not the person, if that makes sense. It's also possible from what you say that he was feeling pressured and is trying to avoid that pressure.
Also you actually say you ended the relationship so given that its not exactly surprising he hasnt been in touch. He is probably just as hurt and confused as you are by this sudden turn of events and is, through not contacting you, avoiding dealing with that. I wouldnt give up just yet. Take care.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (16 June 2007):
Give him some time. You've let him know where he can find you. He may just be a little scared about moving to where you live. I know my partner was before he bite the bullet and decided to move in with me. If you don't hear from him then he obviously doesn't want to be with you.
xxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): Ok well there's one of two things that will happen, 1. That he will move or 2 .He won't. No wonder you are confused, i would be if i was in your situation, moving is a big step in someone's life maybe he is scared and needs abit of time before he completley changes his life or maybe he has no intentions at all of moving. Try telling him how you feel and ask him what's bothering him because there is obviously something on is mind -eithen i can see that. Don't worry though im sure everything will work out fine in the end. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): Ok well there's one of two things that will happen, 1. That he will move or 2 .He won't. No wonder you are confused, i would be if i was in your situation, moving is a big step in someone's life maybe he is scared and needs abit of time before he completley changes his life or maybe he has no intentions at all of moving. Try telling him how you feel and ask him what's bothering him because there is obviously something on is mind -eithen i can see that. Don't worry though im sure everything will work out fine in the end. x
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