A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:does having a child turn a guy off?im 20 and have a 3yr old daughter.me and her dad broke up last year. do guys not like women wiv kids
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): I am currently in a relationship where there are kids involved from a very abusive previous marriage. I am still getting used to the idea of children, as I do not have any of my own. I'm not completely turned off because my girlfriend has kids, somedays I can't wait to see them and play with them, other days I want to throw my hands up and say screw it. I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews that I see regularly, and from that experience I felt like the challenge of someone else's children wouldn't be so bad, WRONG. Their mother was away from them for a long time because of some poor personal choices she made when she was younger, and as a result of this, they see very little authority in her and choose not to behave. Their grandmother has made them spoiled rotten beyond reason, and they are just bossy, mischievious little boys. Two of them are extremely overweight, and continue to gorge themselves on whatever is available, and that is also a result of their grandmother giving them whatever they want, when they want it on their demand. I believe that there is a very fine line between caring for and loving a child, and spoiling them. A spoiled, pampered child will grow into an irresponsible, unproductive adult, who doesn't have a clue how to care for themselves because someone has always been there to do everything for them. From a very early age, my parents raised me to be independent, if I wanted something, I asked for it or got up to get it myself, not demand it and wait for someone to get it for me, that go me nothing but a sore butt and sitting in the corner. The biggest issue I have with her kids is if we have a future and marriage, they are not mine and I cannot raise them the way I want to. I have no right to correct them, discipline them, or anything. Perhaps in time my opinions will change, and I will still go on caring for her and being good to her kids, eventhough I'm not very wild about the idea of having kids I can't raise and teach as I see fit. Am I wrong in my opinion?
A
male
reader, AFnATL  +, writes (26 April 2008):
I have 3 kids. If I were you, I would worry less about whether "having a child turns a guy off". I would suggest you take this time as a single mom to focus on a few things to prepare yourself to meet "the right guy". 1) As 'unromantic' as it sounds, I would strongly suggest you make a list of what the right guy is for you. It doesn't have to be long - but what are the top 10 things you want in a guy - and be specific. One will of course be that he love your child. Another might be that he shares your religious convitions. Then when you start to meet men you can judge if this is the right person for you. 2) I would start building a network of people (friends, family, sitters) that will be available to take care of your child as you start to date. Every relationship needs time to build and grow - and the hard honest truth is that having a child / children makes this harder. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Here comes reality: I don't want a woman with kids under any circumstances. I do not think less of single parents. I understand that many single parents chose to be SPs willingly, and many of them are providing a better upbringing to their kids than some two-parent households ever do. And I also 100% understand that circumstances can lead to being a SP even after making the best choices and efforts to avoid it. But I just do not choose to deal with this situation in my daily life. I have put my money where my mouth is, and have fathered no children myself up to now.
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A
male
reader, eddie  + ♥, writes (26 April 2008):
 I've never dated a woman with children. I have a wife and two of my own though. I see it like this, if I died today, my wife would be a single mother with two kids. On top of that, she's a great wife and mother. So.....would the fact that I died make her any less worthy in the eyes of a new man? It shouldn't and if it did, HE would not be worthy of what she has to offer.
This is an old way of thinking. It is a stigma attached to women and kids that we call baggage. It seems to indicate that loving these people is actually as if you'd be doing them a favor. Of course, when you inherit a partner with kids, you are receiving some history and a relationship that may have some other priorities. You can not expect to be able to do anything you want, whenever you want when there are kids involved. If this causes frustration for a person, they shouldn't get involved with people who have kids. It only builds resentment.
In the end, when you are with someone who has kids already, you have to be flexible. The truth is, if a woman already has kids, the person who should get the most scrutiny is the new man. The kids are the priority. Often, a young, single, childless person can not appreciate just how valuable and loved our kids are to us. Until someone is a parent, that concept can not be understood. My point is this, if someone doesn't appreciate your kids, they are naive about the hierarchy and priorities in life.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (26 April 2008):
 You are dating the wrong men if they find that dating a woman with children a problem. My kids are grown up and the guys I have dated in the past have never really been fazed about me being a mother. Some guys like a YUMMY MUMMY. My motto is the best love is from your children and it beats any love you get from any man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): I don't believe that they don't like women with kids, but it might be harder for them to accept being with you. Having to care for a child so young in life that isn't even your own is bound to be hard, and a little off-putting. But if you find the right guy, then he won't mind that you have a child.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 April 2008):
 If those guys like kids and have deep pockets, then it is no problem.
Rearing other people's kid can be intimidating and daunting.
It will require a lot of resources and this can be a set back and a turn off.
But if the guy truly loves you , he would not count the cost.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): All guys your age want to do at this stage in their life is play video games, get drunk and have consequence-free (for them, anyway) one-night stands. 9 out of 10 of them would run screaming in the opposite direction from a girl with kids, or "baggage" as they'd refer to your children - and their father. They're just not mature enough at this stage of life. Later on, there's more hope.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (26 April 2008):
 Most guys will be ok with it. Even the ones who say they would never raise another mans kids would probably feel very different if they were actually in that situation and met a girl they really liked but had kids.
I think a lot of it also depends on the childs father. If he's active in his kids life and is parenting her it would take the pressure off a lot of guys and they'll see that the baby already has a dad and doesnt need another one.
To be honest I agree with Smeedle, you'll know straight away if you're dealing with a good guy. It speaks a lot of his character if he's good with your daughter and wants to be with you despite the responsibility from the beginning. And if hes not good with her and isnt mature enough to handle it then at least you've found out from the very beginning hes not the right guy for you.
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A
female
reader, bfly36 +, writes (26 April 2008):
 I dont think its a problem to most men unless your child is a real behavior problem. If a guy truly cares about you he will accept your kids and love them as if they were his own and maybe one day u can have one together.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (26 April 2008):
 Personally i don't think its a turn off, it would not particularly bother me if the woman had children or not. But i do see where you are coming from with your question, i have got a five year old son and have sometimes wondered if women will be put off when i tell them i have a child from a previous relationship. My advice would be to just take it as it comes, if a guy is put off because you have a daughter then he is simply not the guy for you, at the end of the day your daughter comes first.
All the best x
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male
reader, Salad_Barbarian + ♥, writes (25 April 2008):
 There are some men out there who don't care if a woman has kids or not. But I'm not one of them. If a woman either has children or wants children then I wouldn't get romantically involved. But like I said other guys might be ok with it.
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A
male
reader, Sweet111 +, writes (25 April 2008):
I personally don't have any preferences regarding "ready made families" and while i understand that the father has rights to see the children, i wouldn't want him to start throwing his weight around and interfearing too much in our relationship. But i'd want kids of my own too.
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil +, writes (25 April 2008):
 It takes a very special kind of man to take on another man's children.
Personally, I couldn't do it, not unless they were old enough to stand on their own two feet and had left the nest.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  + ♥, writes (25 April 2008):
 It really depends on the man and his goals. Some men never want children of their own or anyone else's. Some are the more the merrier attitude.
Preferences like that are something that can be usually found out in the early stages of dating or before, if you are using online dating sites.
Just know there is that special someone out there for you!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sandman + ♥, writes (25 April 2008):
 Some men have their preferences. Some men will not want to date women with children. Other men won't too much care.
I'm either way. While I would rather she not have kids, it's not a deal breaker either. I love kids so it could be a plus. As long as she knows that I want kids of my own (I've heard some women with kids make statements like they don't want anymore kids) and if the relationship gets serious enough that I ask her to be my wife - and that she'll have to have my kids, then I'm fine with it.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 April 2008):
 Some men dont like women with children as they think they will have a ready made family, some other guys kid to bring up, were others dont like the fact that the woman will always put her child before the bloke, having a child is restrictive and you carnt go out at the drop of a hat.
But I was a single mum for a few years and am again, its not too bad and has some advantages, as you will get the nicer men hopefully the ones that are child friendly and not selfish, the ones that really do like you and are happy to be with you and your child.
Dont give up, get on line with one of the internet free dating sites, you can say straight off then that you have a child etc, its a good way to get to know someone before you meet them.
Good luck
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