A
female
age
26-29,
*ecca emma louise
writes:okay this is more just about me getting closure but im fourteen and i got pregnant when i was thirteen, the day after my fourteenth birthday i told a teacher at my school that im close to and she tried to convince me to get an abortion but i said no! and then she told senior management who rang my mum. she said she had to and that she did it coz she was worried about me. but then i recently regained my trust in teachers and told my form tutor what had happened coz i had a misscarriage and i know she is different and doesnt play by the rules. she said that it isnt child protection and that she can keep it confidential. does this mean that the first teacher i trusted never needed to tell anyone?? and also my form tutor is now using this against me and saying that she thinks my mum needs to get involved but i only ever trusted her because i dont get along with my mum and coz i thought she was different and understood but now its like she doesnt care at all? as it is confidential, is she allowed to tell anyone???
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female
reader, becca emma louise +, writes (21 July 2010):
becca emma louise is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know how to go about getting put on the pill i just meant i dont personally know how to go about it in the best way and im mot saying i would have been the perfect parent, in fact far from it but like i said i was giving my child away until i was ready and i could have learnt, i was only nine and a half weeks pregnant when i miscarried so i spent most of the time i knew worrying more, it took until about eight weeks to accept the fact and to start looking at medical support but i had thirty weeks to learn how to my best. dont try and make this sound like i dont care just because im young because i loved that child just like any parent would and i was gonna try the best i could thats all i can do and no i dont sleep around, that was my first time that i got pregnant and since i miscarried i felt very close to babies and i spoke to my bf who was older and suggested we try but after the deed was done i realised i was being foolish and got the morning after pill x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): If, as you say, you don't know how to go about going to get on the pill, then you definitely shouldn't be having sex. That is a question you could find the answer to with 10 second google search but seemingly you can't be bothered. I mean, this is basic stuff. Think about all the things you would need to do if you have a baby, that you probably "don't know how to go about" doing. Do you really think you are ready for parenthood with that sort of attitude?
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A
female
reader, becca emma louise +, writes (21 July 2010):
becca emma louise is verified as being by the original poster of the questionof course not! i just wanted to tell people in my own time when id thought about it myself more and decided exactly what i wanted. i knew my mum would tell me to get rid of my child as soon as she found out but i personally dont like abortion and was set to keep my child. yes i know it would have been hard but i was prepared to try. i had a friend who is a foster carer who was going to look after my child until i was older and had my qualifications sorted and until my life was back on track. and yeah i know i was stupid and careless but im only human, we all make mistakes right? as to your question about current birth control, i want to go on the pill but dont know how to go about it and if parental consent is compulsory?! but since the miscarriage i've only slept with one boy since but i was fine with that. and i know a lot of it is because of teachers positions but i think that her suddenly deciding that she wants my mum involved after all these months is a little unusual... :/ xxxx
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A
female
reader, becca emma louise +, writes (21 July 2010):
becca emma louise is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhy would not trusting them mean that? as i didnt need to trust them til it was too late anyway?? it just means if it happened then i wouldnt tell anyone just because i was scared. and also i learnt my lesson from trusting people, so dont you think i also learnt my lesson about unprotected sex and when your bf says trust me you realise that isnt effective contraception. and i dont wanna sound like im moaning but please dont use the words unwanted pregnancy, unplanned yes, unwanted never. i loved my baby and was prepared to give up the world for them. yeah i was scared and i was frightened but after the initial shock wore off i realised i wanted to keep my baby and nothing else mattered! :') xxx
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A
female
reader, becca emma louise +, writes (20 July 2010):
becca emma louise is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i think making the same mistake twice has taught me that, but i was scared and even months later it was still affectinh my life drastically. well it still is just not so bad :/ xx
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A
female
reader, UnknownGirl  +, writes (19 July 2010):
Why don't you just stop telling teachers? That might help...
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A
female
reader, becca emma louise +, writes (18 July 2010):
becca emma louise is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks caring guy for that, it helps me :) i know its too much to ask her to put her job on the line and it was harsh of me to say to her that no one would ever know that id told her but surely there is something to do with confidentiality, if there wasnt then im sure my story would be common news throughout the school. as to others my mum already knows that i had a miscarriage etc and she just wants to forget or rather pretend it never happened, i dont mind i was just glad of a chance to talk about my feelings with my tutor and im upset that i've lost that now :( but she swore it would be a secret and now she is saying that she thinks we (me, her and my mum) need to talk but my mum doesnt know that i've told my tutor and would go mad if she knew, my tutor keeps hinting things to my mum but she cant bring it up herself, i asked her and she said that its right but she cant stop my mum talking about it. i know my mum wont mention it but i dont know if my tutor will keep quiet forever if my mum says nothing?? :(
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A
female
reader, mwah! (**,)  +, writes (18 July 2010):
firstly you're just 14,you shouldnt be thinking sex and shouldnt even have an attitude.no offence but ive been thru alot an i learnt the hard way.no boy at this age is worth all this..just take it easy and enjoy ur childhood cs u alredi lost something you can never get back,your virginity so dont loos ur childhood cs you wont get it back either.as 4 your teacher,you should speak to him/her and tell them they cant tell your parents cs you are fine now and they cant hold it against you either,you now your rights
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 July 2010):
I just checked the law for you.
1 - Teachers are not bound AT ALL by confidentiality laws. There are no laws that promise confidentiality. In other words, they can inform others about what is happening if the feel the need to.
2 - By law, they ARE required to report or tell on certain activities. You are 14, you've been having sex and you got pregnant. As you are under-age, this could count as abuse. Therefore your teacher had every right to inform senior management, or she could have lost her job.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 July 2010):
 I think you should LISTEN to your teacher and talk to your mom. If it will make it easier ask your teacher to be there with you.
I'm sorry you are in this situation at such a tender young age.
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A
female
reader, becca emma louise +, writes (18 July 2010):
becca emma louise is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah my mum found out through the school back in october, i would have told her eventually i just wanted some advice first and wanted it to come from me... its my form tutor im worried about because i told her that i trusted a teacher before who betrayed me and didnt want that to happen again and she convinced me to trust her and promised it was going to stay between us. she said that she thought it was good that i had someone to talk to now and that even though i miscarried and didnt have to face a full term teen pregnancy that it was still hard for me. but i only ever told her coz she persuaded me to and swore confidentiality. there are no laws as far as i know that say my form tutor has the right to bring it up from the past but she is threatening to despite confidentiality. i guess i've learnt now not to trust teachers. and the teacher i told first was kinda helpful. she was just scared i was gonna throw my life away. she did ask questions and said that i need to talk to my parents but she was supportive
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): You should never tell a normal teacher something like that. The majority of teachers will most likely tell another teacher, and their idea of help is telling your parents.
The first teacher should have talked to you about it, asked you if the father knows. She shouldn't of 'convinced' you to have an abortion, she should have explained to you the downfalls of having a baby at your age, and how much of an impact it will have on your life. She should have been grateful you came to her for help in the first place knowing you was afraid, and chose to open up to her. She should have respected that you didn't want your parents knowing straight away. Maybe even suggest she came with you to have the abortion (if you wanted it).
The second teacher is allowed to tell somebody, so whether she does or not I can not say. But it's her choice whether she wants to keep it to herself or not. I personally would never trust a teacher.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (18 July 2010):
 She shouldn't have told anyone. Anything you tell your teacher is confidential, and the only time they are supposed to tell anyone is if they think you are in danger. Your teachers may not realise how bad the relationship between you and your mum is, and maybe she thought she was doing you a favour. If something bad happens again and you want to tell someone, talk to a nurse or counsellor, as keeping information confidential is a very common practice in their career and they are more used to being told serious things that they cannot pass on.
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