A
female
age
36-40,
*LM12
writes:Hello Aunts and Uncles!!! So I'm in a bind. A month ago my bf and I had a huge disagreement with one another. We did not talk sometime after. About a week ago he contacts me apologizing and giving me confusing signs. First he says I want to be with you but we have to take things slow. Then I ask him ok what does that mean??? He then says I was trying to get over you. Then a second later he says I love you. I told him I don't know what he's doing but I'm not a toy. What is he implying by this talk???
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female
reader, ALM12 +, writes (5 September 2017):
ALM12 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys for the responses!!! I blocked and deleted his number... I am standing my ground with him and keeping my word (1. never have contact 2. never go to his house again 3. done sleeping with him and staying the night) I'm disgusted with him and done with him FOR GOOD
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2017): Great, he got the drama-free breakup he was looking for. He needed you to make the final decision. He made a nice parting-speech that he practiced while you were apart. Like when I got dumped, blindsided; and I was told I "deserved someone better."
That turned out to be true, and he found me!
Now I want to warn you. You both are going to go through withdrawal and start having second-thoughts. Things will start going through your mind, and it will all suddenly hit you.
Prepare your feelings for the emotional wave. The aftershock that comes within a week or two. Three at the most.
Like Honeypie says, you've got to cut contact 100%!
You can't waver or let him keep weighing-down on your feelings with late-night calls or sad messages.
That behavior is only to make sure he gets over you; before you get over him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 September 2017):
 There you go.
No point in waiting for someone to "grow" up or decide what they want.
My advice though, OP - cut the contact 100%. Otherwise, he will pop in and out of your life to see if he is "ready" or not - which means he will hold you back from potentially meeting a guy who is a much better fit. (and trust me he will pop in long enough for you to catch feeling or remember the good times and then declare he isn't "ready").
Not saying he is a bad guy - he is just really immature.
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A
female
reader, ALM12 +, writes (4 September 2017):
ALM12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe had dinner last night (his idea) and he first started out romantic with me. After dinner we both had a 3 hour talk as to why we shouldn't be together. He basically said its all or nothing with me and that I am the woman he dreamed of and have lots to offer but he isn't ready.... Personally I don't have the time to be sitting around waiting for a man to act right with me... At first I was so sad but all in all he did me a favor and complimented me on being a great woman and instead of dragging me along he let me go. I have grad school, work, and a personal life (friends, family) to juggle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2017): He's already made up his mind he wants to breakup.
He wants a drama-free getaway. He's testing the waters, to see if you've reached the same conclusion; so, he's going to dangle you on a thread. Until he can figure-out how to get out of this relationship unscathed.
I think he wants you to call it quits. So he won't look like a dick, and he can throw it in your face it was your idea. He'll offer to stay friends to keep booty-calls available on demand. He is purposely pretending he's not sure. Yet notice there's still distance between you.
Saying "I love you" is pouring a little water on the fire.
If you have a volatile temper; he's being cowardly, and trying to wiggle free without a huge blowout.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 September 2017):
That he wants to keep you around "just in case" he doesn't find "better".
Honey, if you two get into a disagreement so severe that you can't TALK about it but just take time outs of not talking then HOW do you think things will pan out NEXT time you disagree?
Is the matter you disagreed over resolved? Or just swept under the carpet?
Will "taking it slow" actually make a difference?
Think about it and TALK to him. We can't read his mind any more than you can.
In my opinion when a relationship needs "breaks" or "time outs" it's not working. No matter how slow you go.
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