A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is into restraints, or whatever it's called, where your hands are tied to the bedpost, and sometimes feet are tied to the.... bottom of the bed? wtf is it called?But anyways, he said once that he wants me to tie him up...What does that mean? I thought it was supposed to be the other way around.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 April 2012):
 If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it then! There's no obligation that you have to do something simply because your partner enjoys it.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (2 April 2012):
 It sounds like you don't even want to try.
Everyone has to start somewhere. We're not BORN knowing how to do anything, we have to practice and LEARN. Making excuses like "I don't know how!" won't get you anywhere. If you just don't feel like you want to try it, be honest and say that you just don't want to, but don't make excuses that you don't know how.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm just not good at being dominant, or forceful, or loud, or anything in that spectrum.... x.x
I cant just get up there and...do stuff to him, I mean... I'm not the kind of person that even knows how to do that, let alone one who has the confidence to do it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 Talk to your boyfriend and relax. You and him will sort this out and after a while things will go naturally. As you get more comfortable and relaxed around him, your eagerness to please might make you do things for him without him asking, which will make him happy. Don't worry too much about it, it'll sort itself out.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (1 April 2012):
Who says you can't be a pleaser if you tie him up?
You know it'll make him happy, and please him, and if you want to please him, try it.
What's so scary about it? You know he doesn't expect you to make it perfect. You know he's smart and since you've never done that before, he won't laugh at you or break up with you if you "mess it up". But really, what can you mess up? You tie his wrists to the bed, tickle him, caress him, give him oral sex, honestly...just use your imagination and stop letting shame cloud your creativity and passion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, but I just don't have a dominant side.
I'm just too eager to please, I'll let people do the things they want to if it makes them happy, and I just... idk I don't have the courage to actually do anything like that?
I'm a shy person. I can't get up in front of people and talk, I can't even talk to one new person!
I can talk to people online, but that's because I have the computer screen to hide my face.
What do I do?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 April 2012):
The danger of always being the follower, when it comes to sex, is that you don't contribute with much. And that can get very tiresome after a while if he is always the ones who needs to initiate, always the one who needs to decide what to do, always the one who needs to take charge. I know you don't mean to be selfish, and I understand you well. It feels GREAT to just sit back and let someone else decide and then go with the flow. But don't you think he also deserves this treat from time to time?
It is the easiest and most .. well, lazy role to be the follower. Some people do prefer to be the dominant and in control one, don't get me wrong. If he most of the time wants to be the dominant one then there is no problem at all with you being more submissive. However if he wants to swap places now and then.. well... Maybe you should try to bring out the dominant person in you and take lead. Otherwise your sex life can get tiresome for him.
I'm not talking about tying him up now though, I'm talking about sex life in general and who initiates and who decides and who takes the lead. I too love it when a man takes control. It makes me feel like a proper woman, stereotypically. But.. well, not all men are interested in always taking control. And for them it can get tiresome to always be in the same "role" each and every time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers! I haven't been on much, so I was surprised to see all the answers!
I'm not really comfortable in being dominant ,because I've never been a dominant person. I'm a follower, I do things for others, and that makes me happy.
I've never been one to take control of something, because I guess you could call me "eager to please", I'd be too busy asking "Do you like this?" and "what should I do next?"
I don't really know what to do if he asks again down the road, when we're more sexually active....
Since I like it better when he's the one doing things to me, I guess...
Omg, does that sound selfish? I hope it doesn't, I mean, I want to be fair, but I'm just no good at being a leader or dominant, or whatever you want to call it.... I've been a follower, I like to let other people lead and stuff.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Its called fun just think a helpless man to do whatever you want to He must trust you
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (31 March 2012):
Roles are not gender specific. Not all women are submissive, and not all men are Dominant. I have been involved in BDSM for many years and I can tell you that the rainbow of differences in relationship between kinky people are just as diverse as "vanilla" or -non-kinky- relationships.
If you allow your cultural brainwashing go, and realize that women can be just as powerful and sexually liberated as men are, you'll understand that there are plenty of people in this world that don't fall into step blindly with traditional gender roles such as female submissive.
Don't pigeonhole yourself into a submissive position if you don't want to be in one. And don't pigeonhole him into a Dominant role if he isn't comfortable there.
If you're into the idea, then try it. If not, don't try it, but don't make it about gender roles. It's not.
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A
male
reader, Cole Turner  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 If you are comfortable with this ... take the dominating role, tie him up and tease him ... you never know he may do the same to you one day :)
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (30 March 2012):
 The bedroom is a liberating place. Its not uncommon for people to try out being the polar opposite in the bedroom than they are in real life and as the others have said- "switch places"... if only for a moment.
Try it, hell, you may enjoy switching roles for once as well.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 March 2012):
Why is it more natural for women to be tied up?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Bondage. It can be the man tying the woman up, the woman tying the man up, the woman tying the woman up, or the man tying the man up ...
A lot of men enjoy this perceived "role reversal" ... generally men are seen as being dominant in the workplace and in the home.
As long as you both enjoy it ... why not?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 March 2012):
It's called bondage yes.
Bondage is usually a sexual play between a dominant and a submissive. The roles are NOT gender specific. The girls in society might be taught to act submissive to men, hence the confusion. But men can be submissive as well. In fact, it is very liberating for someone who spends his days being a dominant, to have a time where he is submissive.
Some people fall naturally into one role, and find it difficult to switch. Some people enjoy switching roles, being dominant one time and submissive the next time. Me for example, I enjoy both. I'm naturally more dominant though, and when I play games of tying hands or blindfolding, the man is usually the submissive one.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 kinkiness lol
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 March 2012):
 it's called BONDAGE...
it means he wants you to tie him up and "have your way with him"...
it can be either way... many men who are powerful outside of the home tend to be submissive in the bedroom...
sometimes you have what's called a "switch" where they can be both dominant (they do the tying) or submissive (they get tied)...
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