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What do we have together? I feel like I'm a side chick, the one who makes him happy, whenever he wants

Tagged as: Dating, Online dating, Social Media, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 March 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2017)
A female Australia age 26-29, *azima writes:

I have been seeing this guy for maybe three weeks or so and he use to frequently text me a lot throughout the day, even during his work hours!

He added me on facebook, snapchat and got my number and we use to talk on there a lot.

He used to wish me good morning and good night, have late night talks up until 12 in the morning (3 hour conversations).

But now it’s all different.

We don’t have late night talks anymore, he rarely messages me throughout the day, we still message each other every day but it’s only a text or two.

I asked him why he messages are so slow and he says his busy (He does a lot in his spare time and works 10-12 hours on weekdays as his shown me but don’t understand why he had time before but not now?).

I told him I wanted space from him for a bit just to think things through, he didn’t understand why and I told him.

He said he would explain today but I doubt that he cares nor that he will message me today. He has depression and from that, his forgetful, which I am very understanding about.

He lives 6 hours away for his work but use to live here.

I do like him and did like what we had before but now I feel like I'm a side chick, the one that makes him happy whenever he wants. I told him that too and he said its not like that.

Regardless of what he says, I need time out. I'm just hurt and don't know if we can fix it or not.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (22 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIf you are feeling like this already after three weeks then yes I think you should end things. The distance is not going to work for you both if you are far apart and it is clear he cannot give you what you need via phone calls and messages so I would just end things.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2017):

Agree with Denizen.

If you stay and put up with his behaviour, you are only going to hurt yourself more and get your heart broken the longer you allow him to treat you this way.

He is not interested in you.

He just wants to have you on stand by. Just in case you should become available for sex. Or for an ego boost. Or a pleasant distraction from everyday life.

That is all.

So, if I were you, I would invest my time and heart in a man who lives closer and shows more interest and is consistent with his actions.

Men invent excuses not to look like the bad guy. They are cowards. So he will blame everything but his own behaviour.

What you need to look at here and what is most telling is that his communication has dropped off significantly. And there is a reason. He might already have a wife or girlfriend and was using you for a bit of fun on the side. And realized it was going too far. Or he is not ready for a relationship especially being 6 hours away. He might have been having some harmless fun flirting away with you. Now he is done. Whatever the reason is not important. He is trying to tell you something by his actions. That he is no longer interested.

I would follow his lead and not contact him again.

You are wasting your time and emotions on somebody who is not as invested in you as you are in him.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (12 March 2017):

Denizen agony auntWhen you say you have been seeing him for three weeks, is that in person or not?

If not then you are just pen friends. Don't lose sleep over trying to build something out of nothing. I mean a love affair.

As you are six hours apart is doesn't look like you will be able to see each other often. That's difficult even for people who already have an established relationship.

Be rational. Have reasonable expectations. Ask yourself the right questions. What you want and what you can reasonably expect may be to different things.

My advice would be to let this one go.

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