A
female
age
30-35,
*iss_Buttercup
writes:So I have come to terms that I am a masochist. I thought that I had biastophila but I do not want to be the inflictor, but the one who it's inflicted on. Am I considered damaged if I'm like this?? I wondered if there is a connection to this from when I was younger, I was abused but never sexually. My fiance thinks it's because I never was able to properly go through my Electra complex when I was younger. I'm lucky that he isn't freaked out that I like forceful sex.So my questions:Am I damaged?What causes someone to become a masochist?
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):
Biastophilia and preference of forceful sex are NOT the same thing. The former is about obtaining sexual arousal by victimizing an other person and inflicting non-consensual sex whereas the latter implies playful and consensual enactment of violent fantasies of either/ both sides. From what I understand yours is a case of the latter and might be considered masochistic depending upon whether or not one needs to label it.
Electra Complex..addiction...external manifestation of some underlying cause... Psychology and psychoanalysis are people's favorite subjects to dwell on but they end up confusing, if not judging, one another by throwing in concepts and notions they are not qualified to use with such ease. Don't do that yourself, to yourself and do not let others do that to you either.
If your sexual fantasies and/or preferences make you uncomfortable in any way, trigger a guilt or shame reaction or cause conflict in your relationship, seek therapy.
If you really must think that you're some kind of masochist, I suggest you consider masochism as an intense form of sexual intimacy where you trust your body and self-control with your partner's understanding of your desires. It is a form of gift-giving and not necessarily something pathological because it involves force and pain.
@Bunny Tee (18 June): 1) What scientifically presented argument or research finding would you show to suggest that masochism is a 'dangerous' type of behavior that 'typically leads to intensified, even more dangerous behavior'? Such unfounded claims are examples as to how moral judgments serve nothing other than shadowing the fact that what societies consider normal, acceptable, healthy (or not) are cultural and historical constructions subject to change. 2) the DSM you are referring to, is and has always been under heavy criticism and debate by a large group of interested parties including but not limited to medical professionals. Criticism and debate of DSMs mainly revolve around lack of scientific validity and reliability due to over-simplification of mental health phenomena, unethical classification of health and disease, questions of normativity and poor categorization of diagnostic assessment. It would be much more responsible to keep all that in mind before referring a medically non-trained individual to DSM as if it holds some ultimate truth about what is healthy and what is not. 3) While not a huge fan of psychoanalysis myself, it must be noted that Freud left 22 encyclopedic volumes of his works behind: it would be a crude generalization to assume that sexuality and/or penis envy (the proper name of what has been wrongfully referred to as 'penile envy') is his whole thing. Today pretty much all psychoanalytic theory has lost medical credibility with the advancement of biochemical approach in mental health. Neither Freud nor T. Reik is an acception.
Finally: There's no such thing as reading too many books. It is part of being human that we ask or doubt, and *proper* research helps differ between bias, half-literacy and thoughtful constructive approach. But I agree with Miamine: don't let your self-search turn into an unhealthy obsession with medical labels.
All the best,
Lillith.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): Theres a few conflicting replies to your question especialy the one saying domination? masochists dont seek domination they seek PAIN.Im a masochist have been from an early age my sexuality is very intense yet strange, i dont ry to understan it i just enjoy it sometimes i go for several years without experienceing it then its a weekly occurance.Masochism for me is mothering a sense of security it makes me feel safe yet fear plays a huge part of the pleasure.pain is purely individual low or high levels it realy doesnt matter and its not a competition to see or say I can take this much its realy "all about you" ive been kinky for years yet never been able to submit. submission doesnt fit into my personality Pain does its intense, sore, scares the shit out of me yet i get no greater sexual pleasure than form pain incorporated with some form of sexual relief.theres so many different forms of masochism thing to remember this is about what you enjoy
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): Everyone likes different things. I myself like to be dominated during sex. It gives a different high. There is nothiing wrong with you. As long as you dont like to be seriously damaged. I wont claim to know anything about sexual psychology, but i really dont think that knowledge is necessary in this instance. As long as you have a partner that understands and that you trust, everything will be fine. Also, dont forget to establish a safety word. Have fun :)
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Wilhelm Reich was once a student of Freud's, Mia, he was Austrian, not a Nazi. I've found Reich not to be so fixated on the sexual aspects as the root of all things. Reich's observations are more balanced than Freud's, by a long shot. At least he wasn't obsessed with the the "penile envy" thing Electra complex and Oedipus complex notwithstanding.The penile envy thing, which I believe to be a crock of you-know-what, isn't one of Reich's fixations. Freud is now considered way out dated.
My point is that Masochism is usually found to be an external manifestation of a serious underlying cause: see, DSM. Though it may be noteworthy that the North American DSM differs from other countries DSM's.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Reich.. german Nazi system.. mmmm.. I'm still looking, this Reich person is new to me to.. :) Thanks for my bedtime reading BunnyTee.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 June 2010):
I think you've been reading too many books..
Masochism is a common desire that some people have, it dosen't mean that you have something wrong with you. That's why I think you read to many books, you notice and identify something about yourself and then you find a book and label it as something extreme and damaging.
Your not a doctor to make a proper diagnosis.
Yes, past abuse can imprint domination as an important part of sexuality. If the past abuse affects you, then I suggest you speak to someone who offers rape/abuse counselling.
There is nothing wrong with Masochism, as long as it dosen't break the skin (arrestable offence in some countries) is not life threatening, and is something that is accepted by your partner and done with the consent of both people in the relationship.
There are forms of Masochism in many sex acts. From bitting and leave "hickeys" on the neck, to pulling of hair, to spanking... millions of couples all round the world do such things and do not class themselves as having a mental problem which needs to be solved.
Your self analysis may point to hypocrondia more than anything else... Sorry.. unless you find your sexuality offending and degrading, and if you do, please write about that, there is nothing wrong with wanting domination or bearable pain in a relationship.. We are all different and like different things, there are thousands of sexual activities, you like this one and as you are young, you may find you change and begin to like something else..
Please don't worry about it, there is nothing called "normal" in sex...
...............................
A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Reich (who is new to me) seems fascinating, but Freud is still, to the contrary very relevant to some of us (me). I don't know anything about masochism in terms of patterns and purposes, but I even if I did, I wouldn't be able to understand what you're after in asking the question unless I knew what behaviors you were talking about. All I know is sex certainly isn't something to scoff at, analytically speaking, or otherwise.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (18 June 2010):
well it sounds like you are with some one who understands or just maybe he likes it too! and yes it might be an addiction you have? better you then me! get some books on help issues if you really want help.
Good Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (18 June 2010):
Poster: have you sought professional help to understand how to deal with this? Biastopilla and Masochism are two dangerous behaviors typically leading to intensified, even more dangerous behavior. Often diagnosed as Serious Mental Illness. An SMI.
The Electra complex is very old Freudian psychology and not typically recognized now. You're better off reading Reich. Be cautious in pasting these labels upon yourself, seek a qualified professional to help you further understand.
...............................
|
