A
female
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anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 15months smokes terribly. i ask him to stop and it isnt a concern to him. how ever i am worried sick because he is 40 and has been smokeing 40-60 fags a day for about 13months what can i do to cut him down please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): just like to add that i was once a 40-50 a day smoker and quit 2 years ago, and 1'm 37. i feel so much better for doing so, but i have to admit that even now in times of extreme stress i could lite up again. its only the thought of un doing all the good i have done that makes me realise how dumd that would be. and Dr Pete is so right. heavy smoking manifests itself from a much deeper problem that, until you deal with will always show in self desctuctive ways.if you have an addictive personality you will take everything to an extreme. be supportive and encourging, and let him see that you want a future with him, not cigatettes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): You have very good reasons to be concerned. He is risking his health and his life. Smokers are at greater risk of a host of health problems - many of which are life threatening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou all for your help but my uncle died a few weeks ago of lung cancer he was only 50 and that properly why im concerned thankyou all again.x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): Tread carefully as he may react badly to pressure for him to quit. It could run deeper than you think, as Dr Pete says. My partner said he used to just have the occasional social smoke, but then went through a rough patch in his life and without even realising he developed a terrible smoking habit - which he still has today. He told me that he would quit when he decided to - which seems to be code for "I don't want to quit." Some people aren't very interested in giving up the habit despite what it will do to them. Hopefully he will see sense and start slowly cutting back with the aim of stopping altogether.
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female
reader, Ms. Tanya +, writes (5 September 2006):
 Tell him your worried for his health, and tell him it's gross kissing a smoker and to think about you. Slip him this, http://www.malecancer.net/ link. Tell him he doesn't HAVE to quit, but tell him to stick to 40 ciggys a day.. then 35 next week and then 30 so on, till he's down to maybe 2 a day. Make sure he knows he's killing himself and you by smoking this much and that your not going to let him chain smoke himself into oblivion.
G lucks to you dear!
~Ms. Tanya
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A
male
reader, Dr Pete + ♥, writes (5 September 2006):
 There's not much you can do really other than show him love and encouragement. It isn't cutting down that will help - it's stopping.
My sisters boyfriends dad was faced with having his leg amputated if he didn't stop. He stopped for 6 months but then started again. His leg was amputated.
What i'm saying is, chronic smoking can be a symptom of far deeper psychological issues - having someone love you is rarely enough.
Some people say smoking is a form of suicide - this is especially so for someone in their 40s smoking 40 - 60 a day. They are choosing to kill themselves earlier because that means less pain to them than giving up and dealing with the lonyness of not having a cigarette in all those times of emotional need.
Try everything you can to help him and then at least you know you tried. I've done this for my mum. I've tried everything, so if the day comes when she is diagnosed with cancer - at least I know there was nothing more I could have done to try and change things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): hello dear, i understand that you want him to stop this habit because of your concern. but to tell you the truth if you try to stop him i think its just gonna cost you trouble between you and your boy friend, just give him a little advice say' its not good for his health. but dont force him to stop, the time will come for him to stop this habit, he just need a certain time and you' to understand him. XXX
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (4 September 2006):
 Invite him to visit the cancer ward in a hospital. My ex father-in-law just died last week. He was a life-long smoker, who felt it wouldn't happen to him. After they removed part of his throat and lungs, he finally decided to quit smoking. He then spent the next year and a half in a terrible state. It was agonizing watching him die. He wanted to die, but his body wouldn't give up. His body finally shut down with his kidneys failing and his heart finally giving in. If anyone, after watching a person suffer with lung or throat cancer, can light up a cigarette, they are definitely addicted. The only thing that will stop them is to suffer the same fate, or to get professional help. Hopefully your beau will wise up, before it is too late. Good luck!
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