A
male
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Ok i need some advice urgently!! I gave a rose to a girl I liked and got turned down and after there was a slight problem with erections and wanking not being able to get hard. All was fine until yesterday when I had her brother talking to me through facebook generally laring me and saying things I hadn't done but I got him back by owning him by saying nothing bad but it shut him up for a bit and now his best friend I think is and he was really abusive saying really harsh things, they both added me on msn, I rejected it so there is no way of contact, facebook blocked him from talking to me yet also they reported abuse back even though I didn't do anything. I got added into a conversation with them today and then they really took the piss out of me so I again got them back by saying something in your face wham kinda thing and it worked but they started again and I just ignored them and eventually left. I spoke to the person I asked out and yet she is being very nice about it she is saying everything calmy and is being nice. It's just the men. I don't know what to do, I mean I can stick up for myself but no one wants to be out numbered 3 to 1. I do, do karate and am almost black belt but that doesn't stop me from getting seriously hurt and these guys are 18, 17ishIt's just this kinda stuff always happenes to me, I got bullied for most of my secondary school years and whenever I start to like someone it always goes horribly wrong and I end up getting rejected. I just need advice and all the help I can getThank you for your time sorry it was long.
View related questions:
best friend, bullied, erection, facebook, msn Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): I hate bullies. Always have.Thankfully most of them grow out of it when they discover the real world beyond the school gates and beyond test scores.Then one where bullies a thousand times worse then themselves are waiting to tear them down and tear them up.After that the grow to be nice people. I mean, I was bullied a little in Primary School (just the usual, I was smaller than everyone else and never great at making friends and loved theatre and musicals) but it was High-School where I encountered real bullies.The type that singled me out for no reason at all. I was not particularly great at sports and never was, but they were the types that seemed to think Soccer is the only game that should ever be played.It never got to fights, though one time it almost did. These two twins, must have been Czech or Croatian or something, I don't really remember, used to give me heaps of shit because I'm hearing impaired.I was early for P.E. class one time and was in the change rooms where they tried to taunt me and eventually, I just snapped and turned around and threw one of the fat fuckers to the ground. They obviously were not expecting it cause I was about to start laying into the one on the ground with my fists... but then I didn't. I let him go, got into my P.E. stuff and left for class.One of their mates tried to goad me about what happened, but I just figured it was because they were to afraid to do it themselves, knowing that when they have no back-up I can floor one in a single stroke.They didn't bpther me again for a number of years after that.There were other bullies, but luckily not many people actually liked them, so I had plenty of support with them and I rarely saw them because they were in classes that I either was too smart to be in or not interested in. SO I was able to live out my school years in relative peace after that.Oh, and in Australia our lockers are way too small to fit a human in and most bullies can't be assed making that much effort.Sometimes they won't stop... no matter how much you try and ignore them. Sometimes you have to fight back.But I hold no grudges. I don't hate any of the people that felt the need to annoy me with their mindless insults and threat of injury. I have met a few since school and they are nice people.Hell a bully that used to tear into my elder brother even bumped into my elder brother one time and apologised for being such an asshole to him and for the fights and stuff.Best is, don;t allow yourself to take it personally. It isn't for them. It isn't about you to them. They bully, even if it wasn't you. Sometimes they are bullies because their own lives are so crap that it's the only way they know how to deal with things. Monkey See, Monkey Do after all.Sometimes they are just malicious and these types rarely ever end up with many friends in life. In fact most of their entourage in school will see them eventually for what they are when THEY grow up but the bully doesn't.Fight only if someone else throws the first strike, there is nothing wrong with defending yourself. But don't go seeking a fight because you will only invite trouble for yourself and others.Flynn 24
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Bemused, just gave a very comprehensive, but neutral answer based on his training and experience, he would be a bad teacher if he were to advise you otherwise.
I have to disagree on some points though, changing your routine or school, won't solve the problem, because running away never does. Run now and you will always run plus it will do nothing for your self esteem, if the same thing happens in your new school then what? Time to break the cycle.
You have to stand up for yourself basically, you do karate so you have a good foundation in martial arts, but krav maga is more practical when it comes to street situations and muay thai is great for conditioning and endurance, you might wanna check those out, alternatively I'd reccomend beginning Mixed Martial Arts MMA training. Ask your sensei for advice on the situation, he will have heard all this before as many students take up karate because they're bullied (maybe even he did). Don't suffer this s**t alone make sure you talk to people about it.
You can't let this continue though, as Bemused has already said this can destroy your life if left unchecked. Just like you'd take medicine to cure a disease, you must sort this out, if they won't listen to reason then you might have to fight, simple as that. But you have to end it. You're young still, now is the best time to learn how to stick up for yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, bemused  + ♥, writes (21 January 2009):
 Hi there. This sounds familiar. I am a high school teacher and for what it is worth you are not alone. Small comfort that is when your self esteem gets torn down on a daily basis by some of the turkeys you describe here. The thing about bullying is that it can become a vicious circle. Your self esteem gets pulled down the tubes and before you know it you start to send out vibes that some, not all people pick up on and that can make you a target. I have a friend who used to be bullied and I notice that she now bullies others...she is still angry after all these years. The pain of being bullied can last a lifetime. I am thinking you are a decent guy and the people who are doing this to you are damaged in some way or just mean spirited sobs. Is there a way you can get away from them. Could you change schools. I am thinking not by your age I would think that you are probably in your final year but avoiding these people might be a start. If you have been bullied most of your high school years...I would think the word is out among some parties that they can get away with this...lousy news I know but true. Could you change your general routine a bit..find a way to spend time away from the people who are tormenting you and perhaps look at different things or activities you could do which might bring you into contact with people who are more kindred spirits and less of dumb thugs. You relate well to women and that is good. I am sure you have heard this many times but someone will come your way who will be a match for you. I think the current distress you are in will make it tough for you to meet someone at this time as you are trying to get through this. I would STRONGLY advocate that you get counselling immediately. A trained counsellor will help give you strategies to get your self esteem back on track and find out why you are being targeted like this. It is nothing you have done but by digging into your past...answers and insight might come up. Another poster mentioned getting into a fight with your tormentors..not sure about this. To be honest if these guys are as brainless as I think that might make a difference but it could go horribly wrong...one or both of you are injured or worse.and you run the risk of an assault charge and a criminal record. I get what the poster is saying because I think he is being realistic about the mentality...do I agree..not so much. This is a crappy situation you are in. The pain of being bullied has, quite frankly led some people to taking their lives which is not what we want for you. I hope this has helped and please feel free to get in touch with me if there is anything else I can do to help.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): I used to get bullied too, these guys are getting a kick out of it because you're responding, first thing to do is to stop responding to their cowardly online s**t.I had people give me crap a lot, only when they were in a group and in front of everyone at school, I tried to ignore it but this only led other people to think they could join in as there'd be no consequences. So I had to fight simple as that, people don't easily forget pain and it's way more hassle to give crap to a guy you know will always fight back even if he gets beaten, which I did loads of times. You don't have to win the fight for them to stop just make sure you hurt them. Plus if there are others around to see this, people will think twice about giving you crap. Especially if you had the balls to lay into three guys at once.
...............................
A
male
reader, Anti-Cheese +, writes (20 January 2009):
Hey Dude same thing happened to my friend if this guys a big mouth always talkin smack and insulting that means hes just not that tough and the only way he can seem tough is by insulting but if you him to shut up get 2 of your friends and tell him that 3 on 3 fight is fair and if he wants to fight he should stop talking smack on the internet and be a man.Feel free to email me here at DearCupid and I'll tell you some more tips on how to deal with it.
...............................
|
