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What can I do to show I'm working not cheating?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 November 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 November 2017)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband thinks I'm cheating. Why? Because I spend a lot of time on my phone. I'm too lazy to use my clunky slow PC to write my novel, so I'm doing the whole thing on the Notes app. I'm also unemployed (6 months, still job hunting), so I stay up late after he's gone to bed and read fanfic to decompress. He thinks all my hobbies are "weird" and won't let me talk to anyone on the Internet (I don't use FB messenger even). He has already smashed 4 of my phones because I was "looking up weird stuff" and "talking to weird people". How can I get him to be less suspicious? It's not like I'm going to stop writing... He thinks I'm happy because I'm cheating, but I'm happy because I'm writing, and honestly, it's the only thing that makes me truly happy. Help!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2017):

Usually the cheater is the one to accuse their spouse of cheating.But will the abuse factor present you need to leave this guy it will get worse I promise you that.Time to get to a women's shelter for help and an education on how to see those red flags so this never happens to you again.Call a shelter and get a escape plan today.Do not tell him if you are going to leave because if you do he might really hurt you.The violence of smashing the phones and his accusations prove this.You are not safe in any way with this man.next time he will smash you I promise it will never get better and I do not care if you love him.what good is love if you are dead.leave this loser...stay safe.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (23 November 2017):

If your husband has smashed four of your phones the only question you should be asking is why are you with a jealous violent jerk.

This is abuse plain and simple. For now he is smashing phones soon if you don’t give in to his demands he’ll be smashing you.

I wish you luck because the longer you stay with this guy the more you’ll need it.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom + , writes (22 November 2017):

Honeypie is absolutely right. You can’t do anything because the problem isn’t you. He’s smashing phones up and telling you what you can and can’t look up? Wow! That’s seriously controlling.

The problem is his. He seems to have made up his mind yet he has no proof of wrong-doing. You need to confront him about this and ask him why he doesn’t trust you. Tell him how being under suspicion the whole time makes you feel and see what he says.

Really, this is controlling to the point of being abusive. Your marriage is becoming psychologically abusive so please remember that this isn’t down to you to fix.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntHow can I get him to be less suspicious?

You can't. You are married to a seemingly controlling and untrusting fella. YOU can't change that. THIS is who he is.

Have you considered that maybe HE is cheating and accusing you to create a smokescreen?

Or are there past experiences in your marriage where trust was broken?

Sounds like your marriage is not working and neither of you is looking for solutions as to WHY it's broken but you are both looking to "fix" each other. That won't work. You two need to sit down and have a long talk about what's really going on.

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