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anonymous
writes: So I'm going to be 14 (going into high school) in a couple of days and I'm still not allowed to have a boyfriend. How do I convince my mom I'm ready to have one? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): the truth is, you probably aren't ready to have a boyfriend. love is great and all, but at barely 14 you don't know what you want, you're easily fooled into imagining you have emotions you don't have, and can be talked into doing things you'll wish you hadn't later. why not build strong relationships with friends? spend time having fun painting your toenails and playing truth or dare. explore and expand your interests, like dance, sports, or theater at school and in private. but a serious, exclusive relationship should wait a couple more years. all you'll have missed out on are some opportune moments for bad decisions and later, embarrassment or regret. trust me, this is coming from someone who recently flipped through her journals from when she was 14, and they weren't pretty. love and relationships will come in their own time. in the meanwhile, focus on other things you enjoy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2005): Why don't you enjoy the company of your friends? A boyfriend is like having a full time job and going to school. They require so much attention. Then you are gonna have another issue with dealing with the breakup. It's all stress. I don't see why you even want one of them. Trust me baby you will be more happy eatin pizza with your girls.
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (9 June 2005):
 You have to earn your parents' trust. They have to believe your word. If you have lied to your parents in the past and they know about it, you will have a tough time proving your trust. They want to trust you. Parents want to believe they have raised a person with morals and values. They want to believe you are capable of making wise choices based on the morals and values they have instilled in you since the day you were born. But you have to prove it. Always be honest with them no matter how small the issue. And hopefully down the road, they will see you are mature and wise enough to use what they have taught you to take on a big deal such as dating. Dating is a huge deal. They only want the best for you. They don't want some worthless boy to rip your heart apart harming you. So also see it from their point of view. I was 14 years old once too. Take care, your big sis.
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reader, D_Missy +, writes (8 June 2005):
Boyfriends are nice. Especially in highschool. But you must prove to your parents that you are completely responsible. If you can keep up your grades and make good choices, they should have no reason to doubt your decsions when choosing boyfriends. If you make bad choices, that will only make you appear undependable. If I had a child who made bad choices, I wouldn't want her to have a boyfriend just because I couldn't trust him due to her past mistakes. Remember, dating isn't everything. Especially at young ages. You don't have to have a 'boyfriend' to meet guys or people for that matter. But if you must have a boyfriend, just keep yourself in pure eyes for your parents.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 June 2005):
 The reason that your parents are protecting you so carefully from boyfriends and dating is that they want to be 100% sure that you're safe and happy. They know that 14 is a tough age to be - impossible though it sounds, they both were 14, once - and they know that there's an enormous amount of pressure on 14-year-old girls to have sex with the boys they go out with. Sadly, a lot of girls think they "have to have sex", or they'll lose those boyfriends... and they don't want YOU to end up being in that situation, or for you to risk an STI or getting pregnant.It's all getting to sound an awful lot like a lecture, isn't it?Well, there's a point to this. What you need to do to show that you're responsible enough to start dating is to show that you're ready to take on some adult responsibilities in other aspects of your life.Take domestic chores, for example. Throw in a load of washing without being asked. Wash the dinner dishes off your own bat. Offer to iron someone else's shirt when you're doing a blouse. Take the dog for a walk one morning. Buy some milk for the household. Clean the rubbish out of the car. Make sure your study is finished before you ask to go out with friends.All these things - which I fully admit have nothing whatsoever to do with dating - show that you're growing into a thoughtful adult, just like your mom always dreamed you would. Believe me, when your parents first notice that you've pegged out a load of washing on the clothesline without being asked to do it, they'll be stunned into secret parental discussions about the identity of this charming young woman in their midst!Show that you think about consequences of your actions by going to bed at a reasonable hour, eating the right foods and meeting your domestic responsbilities. Then, in a few weeks, you can mention to your mom that you've been wanting to ask about going out with boys. She'll be much more receptive to discussions after she's seen that you think more about what's going on around you. You will have been demonstrating that you're sensible and careful enough not to get pressured into something you don't feel ready for. And your mom will be more reassured that you can look after yourself.Good luck.
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