A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Not sure where to begin been with him 14 years and 3weeks ago out of the blue he tells me he doesnt love me the next day its you would be happier without me than its something else. i know there is no one else yet. He has asked for time to think things through wants to live as normal while he thinks. What can i do to make this easier on all of us we have a 5 year old Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 Hi
Its very rare for guys to come out with something like that if there ISNT someone else. Not slating men, but they are statistically far more likely to cross over their relationships than us females. Its just fact. Its preferrable for them to find someone new before ending the previous relationship.
You can do nothing but go along with what he is saying. There is no other option if you want to keep it civilised.
C xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): What a nightmare for you - you must feel completely shattered - I am so sorry. I don't have much advice on how to make things 'easier' on any of you, but wanted to share something. I am married to a man who I trusted completely - he is a good man, a loving partner. An intelligent man who has insight into himself and others most of the time, someone I felt was the life partner I had always searched for or dreamed of. Things weren't always perfect - but I relied on him, trusted him and felt completely secure in how he would treat me and our marriage. That was until I found the multiple text messages from his girlfriend one day - that was the day my whole world changed forever. He'd led a double life for months and I had no clue. I am not trying scare you - but just saying that even if you cannot imagine he would do something like cheat then you are wrong - even the very best people can make huge mistakes. It may not be this reason that has caused his behaviour/comments - but the other aunts are right - something has shifted - something has forced his hand...this kind of thing isn't something you just 'decide' overnight. He owes you an explanation - although he may not understand some of the motivations fully himself, but it is NOT fair for him to drop this bomb and leave you hanging with nothing but confusion and fear. If I were you I would not accept his 'offer' to live normally - as if you could! You're whole world has been shattered. Ask him to attend counselling with you, so you BOTH have an opportunity to talk and explore this - if he won;t then I think he needs to pack his bags.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 July 2008):
 I tend to agree with Q1605 that you should prepare for the worst case scenario. But try to work toward the best. Go ahead and call a marriage/couples counselor and set up an appointment. Your man should be working on whatever his issue is WITH you, not pfaffing around and pretending everything is normal, after he dropped such a bombshell.
It could be so many things, another woman, midlife crisis, sexual orientation crisis, stress, mental illness, things I've left off the list.
And do be on your guard about what he is proposing for you. Why is okay that he tells you this completely mind-shattering thing, that he doesn't love you, but he wants to live as normal? What the...? He has destroyed the normal you had. He doesn't get to decide the new normal, YOU do. If he needs to think about things, maybe he should think about them elsewhere.
Call that couples counselor soon. And take good care of yourself and your child too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe says he is trying and wants it to work
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