A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months, he is amazing, hes great with my children, hes just a decent guy in most ways. We have obviously had our doubts and ups and downs.I do love him, but because of past abusive relationships I feel I've built this huge wall and wont let him in, although I do love him I dont feel like im in love, im so scared that this amazing guy could just break my heart and leave me, that I dont let him do anything for me, to the point where he now doesnt offer because he knows ill refuse, I dont want to rely on him because if he goes i'll feel clueless again? I know it bugs him that I keep him at a distance he makes plans for "our future" and tells me i have no vision for it, but the truth is i dont get excited about our future incase it doesnt happen. Im so pessimistic I feel we will end up breaking up as im pushing him away, i dont mean to but hes not very open about his feelings although i try to get him to be. Were not all loved up or lovey dovey at all and it saddens me, because I love all that lameness and cuteness that ive had in the past... but i just dont seem to let it happen, ive been heart broken so many times and so has he, that I feel we both kind of are terrified, what can I do to make my walls come down? We really are perfect for eachother and I do love him, I just want the tingly feelings that come with love.I know i need to let go of the past because he tells me constantly, but it's so hard. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2015): It sounds like your main issue is trust. Its hard to trust someone when up til now putting your trust in someone else has always ended badly. If you decide to trust him completely, your walls will come down, and yes, it might end badly again. However, if you decide you cat trust him completely, the relationship *definitely* has no future. For the sake of your relationship, you have to let him in. Maybe try writing him a letter to explain how much you love him, and think about ways in which you could let him in more. Ask him what bothers him most and then make steps to solve it. He sounds like hes been quite understanding so far which is good, so hopefully he will want to help you get over your baggage. Maybe do some trust exercises. They seem silly at the time but can lead to developing a trusting relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2015): I have this problem myself... but mines is more of a trust thing besides other issues we have. I cant tell you what you can do to make you feel like that I would like to know myself. The only thing I can say is do you trust him? Are you ready to let go of the past and move on? If not try talking things out with him. Netherless counseling could help get both of you to open up and build a bond again.
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