A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last year I made a stupid mistake. I flew across the country to meet and stay a week with an online friend I'd known for 6 months. I lost my virginity to him, but when I got back home, he wouldn't talk to me and eventually told me that he had started dating someone else the month before I visited. I was devastated and it took a long time to get over, but I kept saying that I didn't regret losing my virginity because I just wanted to get rid of it. (I was 26 at the time.)Two months ago I signed up with an internet dating site and met this guy. Took a friend with me to be safe (learned my lesson the first time) and he turns out to be a really great guy. We have SO much in common and can't wait to hang out with each other. He lives 2 hours away, but comes here to work alot (classical musician). He's 28 and is still a virgin and says he's not ready for sex yet, which is ok with me, but now I feel embarrassed that I'm not. I almost hate myself for not waiting. He's a bit disappointed, but didn't make an issue out of it.So fast forward to our last date last week... we were watching a movie and he said he wanted to do something "erotic and noncommital". We ended up just cuddling cause I wasn't sure what to do and he was hesitant to make suggestions. He's coming back in two weeks and I'd like to do something for him, but I have no ideas! Any suggestions?
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lost my virginity, ready for sex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): i think it's worth telling him the whole thing
he ought to understand that it was your first time and that it should be special
i'm not saying, 'oh force him to split up with this other girl' i just think you should talk it over and if he seems to want to, perhaps try and make a go out of it
but only if you want to of course =]
but then again, you're not the only one who has had 'one night stand' scenario, so you're not alone
this probably hasn't helped
but yeah, just talk to him and tell him the truth about whether you do regret it or whether you want to be better friends or whatever you do want
sharing is caring after all =]
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (17 February 2007):
I like the suggestion of a massage - it could lead anywhere but needn't lead anywhere either, which means you can just take the moment naturally as it comes.
I would also recommend chatting to him about it. Maybe not the evening of his visit, but either before or after when ever it is comfortable for you. You are both reletively inexperienced, so both of you will possibly feel a little insecure or awkward about the subject or in intimate moments, but you have the advantage of both being adults. This means if you can't already, it is probably a good idea to communicate like adults, something that few adults do. That means being able to talk about things that you might not be sure about, or that you find difficult. You might come up with a few ideas that you both have in common, that you would feel comfortable with, which can remove some anxiety and free yourselves to move forward.
One other thing. You do not need to feel embarassed or guilty about no longer being a virgin. There is nothing wrong with the fact that you reached a point in your life where you wanted to have sex, and you went out and did it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is also reasonable for people your age to have sex, so I don't think he should have any expectation for you to be a virgin, even if he is. I am sure he is reassured to have met someone he likes that is, reletively, sexually inexperienced. Be happy to accept yourself, you haven't done anything wrong so there is no problem in allowing yourself to be ok with your actions.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 How about lighting candles and giving him a massage? That way you have body contact, but it doesn't have to go into sex if it doesn't feel right.
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