A
female
age
30-35,
*rokenheart21
writes:Hi I am new here. I was with my ex for two years I thought we were so happy he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes we had arguments and it got really tough then he lost his job and I was paying for everything we had a flat in the end we got into loads of debt and we both moved into my mums house. Unfortunately last week Sunday he told me he was no longer in love with me and he moved out that night; i was devestated. I dont know how to accept this or move on from this as I am still on love with him so much. I sent him a message saying I love him so much. He sent one back saying Stop I need to move on. I am so heart broken I cant bear to be without him. I just feel like such a failure. Does anyone have any help
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 October 2012):
 Hi
Its a bad time financially for so many, at least your home at your mums,you had somewhere to go. I hope your debts are in his name too? Its hard when you lose your job and hard to find a new one,its devastating.I know so many in that situation of one working and keeping the other.
I think you have to accept he's had enough and gone, so much has changed in your relationship,the pressures huge.
You have the chance to rebuild your life now, sort out the debt,and get back on your feet.It will take time, you need to mend your broken heart too.You have a job and a roof over your head, so focus on you now and your life.One day you and he might be friends but for now no contact after you have agreed on the debt payments.
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (29 October 2012):
 Youwish is spot on here. He has done you a huge favour. He was a freeloader and took advanatge of you. Granted he did the right thing by leaving so he wasn't poncing off you anymore but he was flaky and not strong enough for you. You need a strong man who will support you and you can be his equal. Ok it is a shock and it will take a while for you to come to terms with this but in the long run this is for the best. At the moment whilst you are vunerable and hurt look after yourself and treat yourself well. Spoil yourself. Don't dwell on him and on the negative things - time will make this better. My doctor told me you truly grieve a month for each year you have been with the man so you are allowed to mourn for 8 weeks and then that is enough. I have been through 4 serious break ups in my life and you get over all of them with time. I am thinking about you x
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 October 2012):
 Actually, you won't believe me when I tell you this, but he actually did you a really huge favor. Let me tell you why:
He isn't good for you. He lost his job, was freeloading off of you, drove your financial future into debt, strained your relationship with your family, and then ultimately flaked out on you.
You just left the High School scene and are now entering the college years. Your criteria for a man in your life will and must change. Your future will be bleak if you pair yourself with a flake who can live with living off of his girlfriend and then taking off.
You need a guy who is resourceful, strong, and able to pull himself out of a crisis in life. You are not the failure here. This is about his lack of character, not anything wrong with you.
You've gotta start thinking about your future. YOURS. Not his, not both of yours together, but YOURS. You have a very very short window of opportunity that has the power to shape the rest of your life, and it is now. You can either squander it by pining after this flaky guy OR you can chalk it up as a lesson learned, give your future the most serious thought you have ever done in your life, and work on building the best future. Cast aside high school. Cast aside this baggage of finances and heartache this guy left on you.
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