A
male
age
36-40,
*ary123
writes:dear cupid, My,girlfreind has a really low sex drive, she has been like this ever since i met her and now its starting to hurt me because i want her to feel the same way sexually about me as i do her. When we have sex its always me coming on to her, and its always the same, me on top, she never asks me for it because she is never that aroused, she told me she loves me to bits, its not me its her. She says ever since she had the implant she has been like this and that she could go the whole relationship hardly having sex. I asked her when she goes to get it changed will she try something else which may not affect her this way and she just snapped at me and said, no, im happy with it and dont want to change it, im not bovered if my sex drive is low, its my life and ill do what i want. she dosn't seem to understand how much it is hurting me because wen we have sex i no that she isn't getting the same feelings as me and she is only doing it to satisfy me. She is my girlfreind and i love her and wish the sex could be special for her, it dosn't seem like she is getting the loving feelings out of it, what can i do, its getting me down?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): The good news is that there are possible prescription and nonprescription solutions (below). Just be aware that figuring out how to increase the female sex drive is complicated because the desire to make love is influenced by so many factors including physical, emotional, relationship satisfaction, and the setting you are in. Possible causes of low sex drive in women include stress or anxiety, medications (anti-depressants, birth control pills) complexity of health issues (Diabetes, MS, cancer) and fatigue.
Of course, you should ask her to talk to doctor about this. But here is a list of possible steps you can take:
• Ask her to have her doctor check her thyroid function.
• Ask her to check with her doctor if there are any sexual side effects of medications that she may be taking.
• Zestra (nonprescription)
Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. The treatment also worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medicines.
• Hormone Therapies (prescription only)
Localized estrogen therapy - Placing estrogen directly into the vagina soothes vaginal tissue, and allows the secretions necessary for comfortable sex. They are available as suppository tablets, creams, or "rings," which sit inside the vagina and give off small doses of the hormone over time.
Compounded testosterone cream - Some pharmacies that make medicine from scratch offer testosterone creams and gels, but you'll still need a doctor’s prescription.
• Vitamin E (nonprescription)
When used locally in the vagina it can help rehydrate tissue and may possibly increase sensation.
References:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/lackingsexdrive.htm
http://zestra.com
http://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/sex-drive-and-menopause
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): oral sex! lalala……check out squirting 101 lol for some tips…also, go to the pure romance website and there's gel that makes girls horny…three or four different kinds each w/ different levels of intensity…it works too…me and my girls had a sex toy party and everyone went and put some on and when they came out everyone was all antsy and horny :p
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Some women react very strong on chemical contraception. If you look on internet and search for experiences of other people with the same implant, you might find alternatives.
I guess in the UK a doctor is giving subscription for anticonception, why not a
(personally, I will not use any chemical medicine anymore before I found the side - affects).
Your gf had a totally different sx drive before she started to use, so if you can find an alternative together you can easily solve this issue. If your gf is comfortable with the situation and not willing to find a solution, honestly to my opinion, you have something to think about.
True love goes beyond sex, that is true if one of the couple experience something that makes it unable or takes desires away.
You have started,relative shortly a relation and you looking if you suit together as a couple and there is nothing wrong with you if 'one of your expectations of life' is a good sex life.
But to my feelings I am missing something, maybe you too. You should find out if her reaction is about her past or about her real feelings for you.
At this moment the subject is sex, which is always a more sensitive subject. There could be people who might say that you are egoistic to ask from your gf to help finding a solution.
If it was another subject which was also very important for you(and also easy to solve), it would be more easy to tell you and more clear for you that in a healthy relation, both should have the drive (automatically) to make each other happy.
Take care Gary.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Have yall thought about watching movies(porn)it could work or try wearing sometng romantic.
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female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (28 January 2009):
 gary123, you didn't say what kind of inplant so it makes it difficult to assume. You are very young and I understand for you to show love sexually is very inportant. It is an expression of how we love eachother. I see by what how you write you do love her and care enough to seek help. Which is why I might suggest concelling. If it is a medical reason/prob. it/s good that you understand. It is also inportant for you to know that it is not that she doesn't love you,or doesn't want to be with you sexually. She makes love to you to satisfy you she is telling you this. There are meds that can help if it is allowed for her to have. I know it may not help when I say this..but sex is not the only way to show love. There are some couples that for med. reasons can't have sex or find it difficult. I might add that your g/f may not come to you for sex because she may not feel comfortable about it. It is difficult for both of you. The fact that you are asking for help shows a very mature love. If this is the only prob. plz seek help. There is nothing to be ashamed of seeking counselling for both of you. You will see that you are not alone. True love goes beyond sex. It involves understanding, caring, accepting, and being there even when things/times get you down or make you sad. Your g/f has been this way since you met her, so you were aware which allows me to know that do care and try to understand, along with accepting her fromt he beginning. I'm sure for your g/f it is a burden also. She may not feel very much of a woman, or your g/f. I'm sure it brings fear to her..a thought of loosing you over this. If you hear what you might is anger when she speaks to you, it may be fear. It is very painful for any person to know that they feel they don't make their mate happy in a sexual way. Ask her if you can with her to doctor, and above all and I know this is not easy for you, try to support her that too is a way of loving someone. You might even find that she might want to try to make love with you more often. Good luck....*s*
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male
reader, gary123 +, writes (28 January 2009):
gary123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have took time off from it and i have told her how i feel about her all the time. she knows its her implant because she told me she was fine before she had it in and used to have a high sex drive, but she wont change her contraception for me, she sed she isn't boverd that its gone low shed rather have it in. i dont want this to cause problems. what can you do if ur implant is causing this without taking it out?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Realize that the sex drive of many women is depending much more on the feelings than the sex drive of many men.
In case of problems with family, study, finance, health, family etc, situations that keep their mind concerned, the sex drive will slow down.
The level of sex drive is also something genetic.
Research did show that 1 of the most important reasons that people stay together for a long term, is a healty sex life together.
Exactly the same drive will not be possible, but it will be more easy to feel more complete together if the sex drive is about the same.
Ofcourse, you could ask again to take more initiative, but it's not improving her drive. She seems to be happy with it and she is not understanding your feelings, because she never had this feelings.
Don't be afraid that this is something common for women. I have met and spoken to quit a few women who separated because their husbands had a too low sexdrive.
For every person, there is a perfect partner.
a few important criteria for long lasting happy relation: same expectations of life, mutual friends, stable financial situation, ability solving problems in harmony and...a satisfied sex life.
Hope this helped
Wish you good luck and happy a life
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (28 January 2009):
 I feel sad for both of you, sex within a relationship is the best and worse thing as it causes ups and downs with couples.
Very rarely do we find a partner with the same sex drive as ourselves and this can turn what should be fantastic into a war zone.
If she has a low sex drive it maybe due to the implant, but it maybe due to an underlying psycological issue, she may not like her body, she may get pain on intercourse, she may have been abused in some way. There are loads of reasons why someone may not want sex oftern.
Sounds like you have talked to her but have you tried relaxing about this and going without sex for a few weeks, just kiss and cuddle her, take the pressure off.
Make her feel like you love her but dont want the sex thing to come between you, take some time to find out really what the issues are.
Cuddle in bed and kiss without it leading to sex and tell her that when she wants to make love to let you know then take it slowly with foreplay and a relaxed atmosphere, lots of kissing and cuddling, stroaking and holding each other.
Maybe then she will realise that you really do love her and you are not just going to want sex all the time or its not now a big issue.
I realise that you have needs but if your relationship is solid and one you want to keep then try my advice for a month or two, what is that small ammount of time in the rest of your life together.
I realise too that you may feel she does not fancy you, you may even have questioned her sexuality, or her love for you, but im sure its not you at all its just she has maybe had a bad experience or she needs more time to get aroused or she needs more quality love making in stead of quantity.
Taking off the pressure, being romantic etc im sure will do the trick and if it is just that she has a very low sex drive and you need more then you will have to ask yourself if you are compatable and maybe it needs to end.
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